THE
2006 ARCHIVES
A
Year In The Life of Matt Sutton
Continuing on the movie
theme, me and Jason saw Rocky Balboa in Danville this
afternoon. My dad was supposed to join us, but due to unforseen
circumstances, he had to miss out on all of the fun. But no
matter, let's not let that stand in the way of an awesome movie.
And I'm not kidding when I
say Rocky Balboa is awesome. Very awesome. The
performances, the direction... everything about the movie is
wonderful. I'm a fan of the Rocky series and Sylvester
Stallone, so I may be a little biased. But thta doesn't stop the
movie from being amazing. If I have any complaints at all, it's
that the movie could have been maybe half an hour longer so it
could delve deeper into the motivations of the Mason Dixon
character. There's a few scenes with him, but nothing to really
make him seem like a fully fleshed-out character.
So aside from that one
complaint, I have nothing bad to say about Rocky Balboa.
It's a tremendous movie that I very much enjoyed, and I'll gladly
give it four stars. Go check it out.
Meanwhile, it'll be the new
year in somewhere around two hours. I don't really have any
plans, nor do I have that big "year in review" post
prepared yet, so I'm probably going to just slap something
together at the last minute. We'll see.
I mentioned yesterday that
I'd been putting work into the second half of my Bad Movie Double
Feature. I braved the awfulness (is that a word?) of the moie,
and I've finally got the double feature done. So from my viewing
horror to your reading pleasure are my reviews of Uwe Boll's
masterpieces, Alone In The Dark and BloodRayne. And feel free to check out the
first part of Boll's game movie trilogy, House of the Dead.
I'm just glad to finally be
done with these. I think they've scarred my poor, fragile psyche.
Finally, I've got the
second half of that much-discussed Bad Movie Double Feature in
from Netflix. So now I can finally get the blasted thing done and
I can forget I ever decided to do it in the first place. I got
about halfway through the movie before I simply couldn't take it
any more and I hit the Stop button. It's so awful, I couldn't
bring myself to watch the second half. Of course, I'll have to
end up watching the whole thing so I can finish the review. But
I'm not really looking forward to that at all. If it weren't for
my infernal sense of professionalism, the review would just read,
"This movie sucks." Every word of that one sentence
review would be accurate, but I just have to do
these in-depth dissertations. I hope you readers appreciate how
much I suffer for my craft.
However, I do have three or
four new additions to my DVD collection I'd like to review at
some point in the future. And they're not as bad as the one I'm
currently doing, which is a plus. I'd much rather watch movies
I'd like as opposed to movies I wouldn't, after all. Though I
will admit that there is a certain joy in ripping a bad movie to
shreds if it gives me enough material to do so. Those bad movies
that leave me depressed afterwards, I'd rather pretend those
didn't exist.
But the sooner I'm done
with this one review, I'm better. From there I can move on to
better movies, ones that don't make me want to commit seppuku by
merely thinking its name. You readers better be glad I'm faithful
to what I do.
Myself, Jason, and our
Anderson County posse did go see the remake of Black
Christmas last night after all. We managed to catch the 9:35
show at the Fayette Mall theater in Lexington, and the place was
still absolutely packed. I thought it was odd that the parking
lot was crowded, but I had just hoped everyone was there to see
one of the other movies that came out this weekend. But just our
luck, there was a whole lot of people wanting to see Black
Christmas. It was so crowded that we ended up having to
split up and sit in two separate parts of the theater to make
sure we could all have a seat.
So about the movie. What do
I say about Black Christmas? It's goofy as all hell. The
cast is mediocre. The killer's backstory is almost too bizarre
for its own good. The characters are kinda flat and aren't
exactly the most likable of people. Both the script and the
pacing could use some work. But so help me, I actually had fun
watching the movie. I probably shouldn't have, but I actually
enjoyed the movie. Perhaps it's the novelty of seeing a silly
slasher movie on Christmas Day? That could be part of it, I
guess. But Black Christmas struck me as being some kind
of homage to the dumb slashers of the '80s, which I thought was
some of its charm. The cast all give it their best in spite of
the material they're given, and Glen Morgan's direction isn't bad
in spite of the movie's uneven pacing. But I just can't really
recommend it to anybody but those who like ludicrous horror
movies. I'm gonna give it three stars since I
didn't hate it, but it didn't exactly make me want to run back
out and see it again as soon as I could.
At least it wasn't as bad a
remake as Pulse or When A Stranger Calls. And
thank God for that.
Monday,
December 25, 2006; 2:31 p.m.
I hope everyone is having a
great Christmas today. There was a little rough patch at Sutton
HQ, but nothing to worry about. Everything is A-OK, and the day
is going to be a good one. I just wish we had a little snow
instead of all this horrible rain. I hate getting rain when what
I really want is snow for Christmas. I'm a big fan of snow.
And as my present for you,
my faithful readers, I give you my review of the all-time holiday
classic A Christmas Story. Go check it out. I must also admit
that I wrote the review in record time: five hours. It's the
fastest I've ever written a review, and hopefully, it doesn't
come across as being half-assed or anything like that.
But that's about it for
this post. I'm going to get back to the holiday festivities. And
maybe, just maybe, I might be heading up to Lexington tonight to
check out the remake of Black Christmas. Because there's
no better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than watching
Michelle Trachtenberg and Lacey Chabert being stalked by a serial
killer.
Man, where does all the
time go? It seems like the year was just starting yesterday. And
now it's Christmas Eve, and a week from tomorrow, it won't even
be 2006 anymore. I guess time really does fly.
Right about now, I'm
wondering what I'll end up doing for a "Year In Review"
type of thing. I am working on my annual "Sutton At The
Movies" Achievement Awards, so there'll be that. But I'm not
too sure what else I'd like to do to ring in the new year here at
the Experience. I'll probably just end up slapping something
together at the last minute. I figure I'm pretty good at winging
it, so I'm sure I can work up a decent year-end post.
But more importantly right
now, tomorrow is Christmas Day. I can't speak for everybody else,
but it really feels like Christmas just snuck up out of nowhere.
It probably doesn't help that stores started stocking all their
Christmas stuff back at Halloween. Pretty soon, they're going to
start stocking Easter stuff at New Year's, Halloween stuff on the
fourth of July, and Christmas stuff is going to be up all year
round. I hate that sort of thing. But in any event, we're all set
up for the big day here at Sutton HQ. And I do hope that you dear
readers have a happy and healthy Christmas, or whatever other
holiday celebration you choose to partake in.
That's it for this one.
Have a great day tomorrow, everybody. And as for me, I'd better
have a official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air
rifle under my tree in the morning, or me and Santa are gonna
have words.
Okay, so I do other things
besides complain about how hard Resident Evil 4's
Professional Mode is. I also write the occasional movie review.
And I've got a new one to share, too. This time around is my
review for Clerks II. All I have to do now is a review
of Jersey Girl, and I'll have all of Kevin Smith's
movies done. I still need to get around to doing a review of Jackie
Brown so I can have all of Quentin Tarantino's work done
too.
While I'm at it, I still
have to write the second half of that Bad Movie Doubleheader, and
I'm looking forward to writing a review of A Christmas Story
in a few days. So I'm hoping there won't be a shortage of review
ideas anytime soon.I'd really like to get back in the game on a
more regular basis, as opposed to the occasional ones I do now.
Maybe that'll be one of my New Year's resolutions.
Maybe.
I've decided that the
aforementioned plan isn't going to work. I can't even get past
the first section of the Krauser level, let alone get to a point
where I could actually kill him for good. And at this point, I
don't think I'll be able to go any further.
So yeah, I'm done with the
Professional Mode of Resident Evil 4 for now. Probably
for good. And that's about it.
Tuesday,
December 19, 2006; 4:12 p.m.
I think I've finally hit a
brick wall in Resident Evil 4 that even I can't break
through. I just can't get past Krauser at all. I can barely make
it through the first two sections of the level, let alone kill
Krauser. I've made at least two dozen attempts to take him out,
and none have been successful. I should probably sit down and
formulate a plan of attack, like I have with the other bosses.
Rocket launchers have
worked successfully on Salazar and the Verdugo, so I'm
considering going after Krauser with one if I can afford it. If I
can knock him down long enough to line up a shot, then it's a
risk I'll take. It certainly can't hurt to try.
I'm gonna go do that now.
Sunday,
December 17, 2006; 3:16 p.m.
As of last night, I think
I've finally finished up all of my Christmas shopping. My limited
budget kept me to just buying stuff for my immediate family, but
at least I got somebody something. That beats what I usually get
people for Christmas: nothing.
But making holiday
purchases isn't the only thing I did yesterday. Moses had the
idea to go see this indy wrestling show at the National Guard
Armory in Bardstown after the big Kentucky/Louisville game. The
show was fun, but it just seemed rather anemic. If my memory
serves me correctly, there were only four matches booked. Three
one-on-one matches, and a six-man tag involving everybody that
had already wrestled. So yeah, the card was a wee bit thin.
I think one of the
wrestlers ended up getting hurt too. He took a really nasty
chairshot during his match, and in a brief intermission
afterwards, I heard the promoter say that the guy was pretty
messed up. My guess is that he had a concussion. He spent nearly
the majority of the six-man tag standing on the ring apron, and I
didn't catch what happened, but at the end of the show, he was on
his back in the front row looking like he'd been knocked out. And
after all the other wrestlers headed back to the dressing room
and the crowd filed out of the building, he was still there being
attended to. So yeah, I'd say that he's got a killer headache
today.
I don't really know if the
show was worth the eight bucks I paid to get in, but I still had
a lot of fun. By that, I can't say it was a bad choice to go. Now
I just need to find out when OVW's going to be around here again,
since they put on a really fun show.
Saturday,
December 16, 2006; 4:32 p.m.
After taking a break from
the game yesterday, I fired Resident Evil 4 back up this
afternoon and was immediately thrust into a battle with the U-3.
Or as I like to call him, "It." I really hate this
portion of the game, because It's so big and there's so little
room to maneuver in there when you're running around. The first
two sections of the area weren't so bad; I managed to keep It at
by with the TMP while I did what I needed to do.
But then there was the
third section, where the huge paracite with the pinchers pops oit
of It's back. My torso got separated from the rest of me quite a
few times. But I did make it through, albeit with my health level
in the orange. That didn't help me in the final showdown with It.
I did scoreone green herb to help me a little bit, but it didn't
save me from getting bisected more than once. But this very fight
is the reason why I upgraded the Broken Butterfly as much as I
could before I left Trader Joe's last post. So with the Broken
Butterfly and an itsy bitsy amount of help from the mine thrower,
It ceased to be.
Now I must admit that the
end of the fight was way more dramatic than I'm making it out to
be. I had one bullet left for my Broken Butterfly, I had no
health left at all, and the U-3 was bearing down upon me. I put a
little space between us, turned, fired, and the beast went down
quicker than a lead balloon. I couldn't believe at just how close
I was to having to start the fight over, but I skated through by
the skin of my teeth. How awesome is that?
Up next is another big
showdown and probably the thickest brick wall of the whole game,
the Krauser incident. I took a shot at it, but I didn't last very
long. So instead of fighting him again, I saved at Trader Joe's
nearby post and called it a day.
I'm really satisfied with
the progress I made today. Once I get by Krauser, all I have left
is the island war zone and the final battle with Saddler, and
I'll have left. It'll probably be tough, but I think I can make
it. In every battle, I've kept thinking, "I'm stuck, I'm
stuck, I'm stuck." But even if it takes me all day, I manage
to get through. Just because I'm stuck doesn't mean I can't get
myself unstuck. Now I just have to find away to get unstuck from
the Krauser fight...
It's time for another
special little moment here at The Matt Sutton Experience. I
commemorated the blog's fifth birthday last month, and now you're
reading Post #500. Oh yeah. To celebrate the milestone, let's
make a report of some Resident Evil 4 progress I made
this afternoon. I didn't get a chance to play the game yesterday,
due to being out all day and part of the night attending to some
Christmas shopping, but I made up for that by kicking the crap
out of the game today.
When we last left off, I'd
stared down some Regenerators, an Iron Maiden, guys with machine
guns, and boatloads of freaks, but I'd manage to spring Ashley
from her cell on the island base. But now I had to find our way
out. I took quite a few hits, even died a few times, but I'm
relentless. I finally cut a swath through the freaks, and got
into the wrecking ball room. I'd tried it on Tuesday after my
last post, and I couldn't get by it at all. I thought I was going
to have that same poor luck today, and while I did get killed a
few times, I did get through.
I finally ended up in on
the big bulldozer, which was infinitely tougher than it is in
Normal Mode. Freaks were running up on me from everywhere. Some
with weapons, some without weapons, all with the intent to cause
me and Leon a heaping helping of grievous bodily harm. I took two
or three deaths, but I came back with a vengeance and showed them
who's boss.
And then from there... the
knife fight. Oh, do I have a story to tell about the knife fight.
I screwed up on the very first prompt of the fight and was
killed, but the second time around, I made it through with no
problem at all. I know, I'm surprised myself. I figured I'd have
to give it at least three or four shots before I made it through.
As always, the knife fight had me right on the edge of my seat.
And the farther I got into it, the more worried I got that I was
going to screw it up and have to start over. But I got past the
knife fight in two attempts, so I'm not going to complain.
I figured I'd made plenty
of progress, so I called it a day when I got to Trader Joe's next
post. I dread having to face "It" up next, since he's
going to be one thick brick wall to bust through. But I've made
it through all the other tough spots thus far, so I'm sure that
I'll be able to take It down with enough effort. That beast is
gonna go down just like all the other ones, mark my words.
Tuesday,
December 12, 2006; 6:04 p.m.
I have more Resident
Evil 4 progress to report. That's right.
After what seemed like
hours of trying, I finally got past the first two sections of the
island. That jackass with the minigun took me out more than once,
but I showed him who's boss. That stated, I'd rather face the
gunners than the Regenerators or an Iron Maiden. Oh boy, were
those guys fun. They're tough, and especially frightening once
you blow their legs off and they jump at you. But I've found that
if you can keep your distance and make good use of the rifle's
infared scope and the Broken Butterfly. But it still isn't easy.
The areas I've been through
thus far have been kind of a blur, but last I left off, I'd just
saved Ashley from her cell. So we'll just have to see where we
can go from here.
Okay, here's one more Resident
Evil 4 post. Yes, there could be other blog-worthy topics I
could talk about. But I'm running this monkey farm, so I'm
talking about Resident Evil 4 again.
So anyway, where were we?
Last we left off, I'd slayed that big bad Verdugo, and I laughed
at the zillion tiny Verdugo chunks I'd just blown up. It was a
proud moment for all of us here at Sutton Industries. But there's
little time for gloating, because I've got some freaky
tentacle-headed butt to kick. From the ashes of the Verdugo
fight, I moved on to the mine. I didn't really need to fight
another Chainsaw Charlie, but if I wanted to progress, I had to
take him and those other guys down. And that's just what I did.
It took me a few tries before I finally got through, but I went
right from the mine into a two-on-one brawl with Dos Gigantes.
And sadly, I got squashed more than a few times. But with a
little assistance from the trap door full of lava, I bettered my
odds and eventually defeated them both.
And then I had to go and
walk right into one area that I was not looking forward to: Cueva
del Novistadors. What sicko at Capcom thought this place up? I
can handle two or three at a time, but a cave full of them is
ridiculous. My head got seperated from my torso a few times, and
I didn't know if I'd make it through. But I just did what I
always do when I run into a brick wall: I blast a hole big enough
to run through, and I make a break for it. I hate those stinkin'
bugs, and I'm glad to finally be rid of them for good.
The campfire and
underground area after that were no sweat. And those two Chainsaw
Charlies in the underground area were no problem whatsoever. I
completely avoided one, and managed to take the other one out at
a distance with the rifle. But the area that followed was a
tricky one. The train ride is a fun part of the game, but it can
kick you around if you're not prepared. I got past it on the
second try, and I did draw a little satisfaction that the four
freaks that were in the train with me took a long ride to the
bottom of the ravine at the end.
The big Salazar statue was
up next, and here I am with only handgun and rifle ammo and no
healing items. Joy of joys. It took me a few tries, but I did get
through, despite having pretty much no health left. Thusly, the
next section was extraordinarly hard. But I got a lucky break and
was successful. Up next was the showdown with Salazar. He is a
bad, bad dude, and he managed to actually bite me in half twice.
But the third time, as they say, was a charm. I swung by
TraderJoe's and picked up another handy rocket launcher, and
Salazar was defeated.
Thus endeth Disc One. Up
next on Disc Two is the Island of the Damned, and I'm going to
conquer it just like I conquered the village and the castle. You
just can't stop the inevitable.
Last we left off in the
world of Resident Evil 4, I was having a little trouble
getting past the room with the two Superclaws. My last save point
was just before the clock tower outside their room, so that's
where I started yesterday. I got past the clock tower with no
problem, and when I got to the bridge, I just chucked a grenade
and headed straight for the door for the Superclaw room.
Before I even started with
the clock tower, I'd formulated a plan of action in regards to
fighting the Superclaws. As I mentioned a few posts ago, I'd done
a little searching and gotten the free Broken Butterfly that was
just outside the helldog maze. I did some bartering with Trader
Joe before entering the clock tower, and got the Broken
Butterfly's firepower jacked up as much as I could afford. When I
got to the Superclaw room, I just stayed behind them and fired
away with the Broken Butterfly. A few shots, and down they went.
And now to fight the
Verdugo. Lovely. The guy took care of me pretty darn quick. And
why does he have to be so fast? It's like I'm fighting a evil
mutant version of The Flash or something. But I got killed, so I
figured that would be a good place to stop.
I started back at the
Verdugo fight this afternoon. Like with the Dos Superclaws area,
I figured that if I was going to kill the Verdugo, I needed a
plan. I swung by Trader Joe's and purchased a rocket launcher. If
bullets wouldn't slow him down, explosives would, right? So with
rocket launcher in hand, I set my plan into motion. I activated
the elevator and ran to the door, and that was the Verdugo's cue
to pounce. I took a shot to the head from him, but I managed to
get around him and hit that beast with a liquid nitrogen tank.
That slowed him down long enough for me to fire a rocket right
into his ugly mug. And that no-good monster exploded into a
million pieces. Now who's bad, huh? Now who's bad?
After that, I figured that
one boss fight was enough for this round, so I decided to leave
off there for right now. That was a great big hurdle, and I
hopped over it with no problem. There's some tough areas ahead,
but I can take 'em. I just killed a Verdugo with one shot, after
all.
Yeah, another Resident
Evil 4 post. If you aren't used to them already, you better
be soon. Because will there probably be more, depending on my
progress.
When I last left off, I was
waiting outside Lavaland. I thought it was going to be tough, but
I ended up acing it with no problem. I reconvened with Ashley,
then did a little (read: a lot) backtracking to acquire for
myself a free Broken Butterfly. Not killing everybody in the cage
match room almost cost me, though. Because when I ran back
through, there were six or eight freaks hanging out in there. But
I'm a warrior, I got through just fine. After retrieving my new
toy, I circled back, took a little train ride, and saved at
Trader Joe's post. From there, I took a much-deserved break.
I resumed later by taking
out the knights. I didn't know if I'd be able to, since I don't
exactly have the most powerful weaponry. So I figured, "why
not aim for the head? That always works, right?" And it did
work, except that the little parasite buggers came popping out of
their necks. Those guys are loads of fun, especially since
they're carrying axes and broadswords now. But don't worry, their
steel were no match for my bullets. The next area after that,
staring down the ultimate death machine, was a piece of cake. But
what wasn't a piece of cake was the next area, the big room full
of Novistadors. Poor little me got mutilated quite a few times. I
don't exactly like having my head removed from my shoulders, but
how could the Novistadors have known that? But after about six or
seven tries, I got through and saved at Trader Joe's next post.
Up next was another rough
patch: the clock tower. I got through the clock tower with no
problems, but where the rough patch lied was outside. That bridge
area is tougher than I remembered it being. I got killed plenty
of times, before I just got fed up and decided to run for the
door instead of continuing this war of attrition. And if I
thought the bridge was hard, having to stare down two Superclaws
is like trying to punch your way through a brick wall. You can't
do it, and it's going to hurt a lot trying. There were a few
times I ended up getting decapitated about thirty seconds into
it. So I just said "screw it" and put the controller
down.
I'm going to have to start
back over at the clock tower, but I think I can make it. I just
need to think up some kind of strategy for the Superclaw room.
I'm sure I can make it through. I made it over all those other
hurdles in the game, didn't I? This one should be no different.
Saturday,
December 9, 2006; 12:43 a.m.
Before anybody gets the
wrong idea, there are things I do besides play Resident Evil
4. I know, I'm shocked too!
But in between rounds of
the game, I did a little work on a new movie review that I'd been
wanting to do for a few months now. I've spoken of doing a review
or two that would be aimed at recharging my batteries in the
aftermath or the horrendous movie that was the first half of the
doubleheader I'm working on. I've got one of those reviews up and
ready right now. So go check out my review of Superman Returns, and feel free to check out my
reviews of the other four Superman movies if you'd like.
And that's about it.
I just can't put Resident
Evil 4 down. I made a little progress, and figured since we
were all here, I'd talk about it.
I last left off just past
the helldog maze, heading right into the big cage match against a
Superclaw and a bunch of evil monks with crossbows. I got taken
out quite a few times, specifically a number of decapitations via
Superclaw. So this is where I formulated a plan: go back to
Trader Joe's and acquire myself a mine thrower. I jump back into
the cage match, blow the doors off with the mine thrower, then
head right for the door. I got killed a few times before this
plan was actually successful, but I got through eventually. Got
killed once in the next room, but got through there, saw Luis get
killed, and ended the chapter. Blew through Ashley's chapter with
ease, and now I've got the lava room up next. Joy.
Thanks to a lack of rifle
ammo, the lava room is going to be tougher than usual. The lava
room is another one of those rooms I am just not looking forward
to at all. Plus there's the knights, saving Ashley from the
ultimate death machine, more Novistadors, more Superclaws, the
Verdugo... it never ends. We'll just have to see where it goes
from here.
I fired up Resident
Evil 4 after I made that post last night, and I headed
straight for the Novistadors. And you know, I didn't think those
annoying invisible bugs were as bad as I made them out to be.
They got a few good shots on me, but I took a few of them out and
decided to play a little "catch me if you can" with the
rest. They couldn't kill me if they couldn't touch me, so on my
way out, I avoided them as much as possible. And the plan worked,
too. Like I said, I took a few shots, enough to put me in the
deep orange, but I got through.
And then, there were the
helldogs in the maze. Oh, the helldogs. After the Novistadors and
some of the freaks in the main foyer, I had no health at all.
None. Zero. So yeah, I didn't last too awfully long. I called it
a night and picked up there this afternoon. I still had no
health, but I stumbled into some good fortune after taking a
wrong turn in the maze and found a first aid spray. So that was
some good times. I finally got around the helldogs to end the
chapter, and that's where I left off today.
I'm making better progress
than I thought I would. I'm not going progressing by any leaps of
bounds, but I think a few baby steps every now and then are going
to work. I have no doubt that the game's going to throw some
rough patches at me, I'm sure I'll be able to overcome them once
I get to them. Ain't no monsters gonna hold me down, no sir.
Tuesday,
December 5, 2006; 7:30 p.m.
Finally, after dozens of
attempts with little or no success, I finally hurdled over my
first really major brick wall in Resident Evil 4. And it
was a tough one, too. I made a little bit of progress yesterday,
getting the steps in the room down before I hit the closest
typewriter. I didn't want to accomplish that and get killed and
be forced to start over, so I thought that was a pretty good move
on my part.
So I tried working on the
second part, getting the bridge raised, tonight. I formulated a
strategy, mainly involving getting in the right spots and
managing my ammo right, and I got the job done on my first
attempt of the night. Yay me.
But up next is something
I'm really dreading: the Novistadors, the invisible bugs. They're
a pain in the neck in Normal Mode, and I'm absolutely certain
that I'm going to hate them in Professional Mode. I still wish I
had the Chicago Typewriter.
I've got a lot more of this
game to go, but I know I'll make it eventually, even if it takes
me forever. And at the rate I'm moving, it probably will.
Sunday,
December 3, 2006; 11:58 p.m.
Okay, so I haven't beat the
Professional Mode in Resident Evil 4. So sue me. It's in
my "To Do" pile. But what I did do is beat Normal Mode
one more time. My time was a little longer than what I've done in
the past - seven hours, 55 minutes, 21 seconds - but I once again
reigned supreme. I had 976 enemies killed, and only died eight
times. Quite a few of those were accidental Ashley kills or kills
in the knife fight sequence, but there were a couple of times I
got stupid and didn't pay attention to my health status.
But with my seventh victory
in Normal Mode achieved, I really should get back into
Professional Mode. It's going to take a lot more effort to bust
through that brick wall, but I think I can do it.
I think.
In other news, no, I
haven't forgotten about that doubleheader of reviews I was
talking about a while back. But it might take me a while to get
around to doing the second half. Like I said previously, I've
decided to cool off and recharge my bad movie batteries before I
get started on the second half.
And to recharge those
batteries, I've started in on a review for a movie I actually
like. It's my usual policy to keep the reviews I'm working on
unnamed until I get them post-worthy, but I will say that I plan
on giving the current one a favorable rating. It's not that I
don't like writing bad reviews, but sometimes these movies are so
bad that I'd rather have not done it at all. I'd even be
satisfied with a "meh" review, instead of writing about
crap like the first part of this doubleheader.
I've also got another
review in mind that I'd like to write in the near future.
Christmas is in a few weeks, and if past Christmases have been
any indication, then TNT will probably air a 24-hour marathon of A
Christmas Story. It'll air twelve times in a row, which will
be plenty enough for me to get a good review of it in. I love A
Christmas Story, and I'd have a ball writing the review, so
I just may have to do that.
We'll have to see how that
goes.
Saturday,
December 2, 2006; 10:31 p.m.
Wow, is it December
already? This year has just flown by. Seems like yesterday it was
just August. Where does the time go?
I'm having a hard time in
my search for a Pro victory in Resident Evil 4. I'm in
the room in the castle where you have to turn that crank and
lower the bridge, and I've run straight into a brick wall. It's
tough as hell in Normal Mode, but I just can't get past it at all
in Professional Mode. I made a little progress in one attempt,
but I was promptly killed before that progress could be put to
good use. I don't want to say I'm giving up, but I think I might
put it on hold for a little bit.
To make me feel a little
better, I've given Normal Mode one more go. I started on
Wednesday, I believe, and I've already made it past the
Novistador cave. I'm just outside the cave that hosts the roller
coaster ride, if I'm not mistaken. This is why I wish I had the
Handcannon or Chicago Typewriter or some other super-powered
weapon in Pro Mode, because I'm flying through Normal Mode. Maybe
if I had some of these fancy guns in Pro Mode, my chances would
be a little better.
Crimeny, what a long
weekend it's been. It's one of those weekends where everything
feels like it's starting to blend together, so I'm going to try
and make heads or tails of it. So hang on, because sorting it all
out might be a bumpy ride.
The whole thing started
Saturday night. My Anderson County crew called about me and Moses
joining them in getting something to eat, then seeing Happy
Feet. But since the movie would have started at 9:30 and we
wouldn't have left Pizza Hut until it was well underway, we
decided to just go over to Movie Gallery and rent something
instead. Moses and I let the girls pick out the movies, and we
ended up with Robert Englund's Heartstopper, and some
random direct-to-video zombie movie titled Bone Sickness.
And to be brutally honest, they could have done better.
We fired up Bone
Sickness first, unfortunately. It's just bad, bad, bad, bad,
bad. We didn't even bother watch it to the end. And the sad part
is, even when you think it's over, it keeps going. Bone
Sickness may have gone straight to video, but it should have
gone straight to a landfill. I'd punch the movie in the face if I
could. My list of complaints barely scratches the surface of
what's wrong with this movie. The movie looks like it was filmed
with a camcorder, the script was simultaneously nonsensical and
illogical, the cast made second-rate sixth grade drama class
productions look good, and the effects weren't all that
believable. There were one or two cool moments, but for the most
part, the gore looked like it was watered-down tomato juice. The
movie apparently only cost 3,000 bucks to make, but they must
have spent that on a cheap camera and some editing equipment,
because it didn't go into the effects or production value. The
only kind of entertainment that could be derived from Bone
Sickness is if you do MST3K-style jokes during the
movie, and it's only worth seeing if you like watching bad
homemade movies. I don't want to say that I could do any better,
but I don't think I could do any worse.
We didn't get around to
watching Heartstopper, unfortunately. It couldn't have
been as bad as Bone Sickness. Maybe I'll put it on
Netflix sometime.
Anyway, Tiffany left at
midnight, and me, Moses, and Jennifer hung out for a while before
we got to talking about plans we'd made for Sunday evening. I
forget how one thing led to another, but Jennifer invited us to
go to church with her. I didn't have any problems with it and
Jason didn't either, so he called in sick to work so he could be
free to go. Since it was around 2:30 in the morning by the time
we decided this, and we'd only get four or five hours of sleep
after driving back and forth between Lawrenceburg and home,
Jennifer just let us crash at her place for the night.
So we got a few hours of
sleep before heading off to church. I hadn't been in years, but
it was an experience that I honestly enjoyed. I can't complain.
We caught a bit of lunch at McDonald's afterwards, dropped
Jennifer off at work, then Moses and I decided to go hang out at
her place for a few hours. There wasn't a whole lot to do in an
empty house at 2:30 on a Sunday afternoon, but we managed to
entertain ourselves with some video games and a little
television.
We picked Jennifer up at
6:30, then headed up to Lexington for a wee bit of an adventure.
WWE was running their annual "Survivor Series"
pay-per-view event last night, so we decided to go see it for
free at the Hooters in Lexington. The place was packed when we
got there, and we were told that we'd be waiting for at least an
hour before we were seated. But we only had to wait for a few
minutes thanks to Jennifer's father. He's apparently to Hooters
what George Wendt was to Cheers, so all she had to do is
say that she was his daughter and that we were with him. They
took us right to his table and seated us. I'm going to have to
remember that next time.
This was the first time I'd
been to this particular establishment, and it's definitely what
they say it is. Not that I have a problem with that. And I know
it's part of their usual color scheme, but I'm surprised at just
how orange the place is. I thought I'd seen a lot of the color
orange in my life, but I was quite mistaken. It's borderline
excessive. The whole thing just poses the question, "How
much more orange could Hooters get?" And the answer is none.
None more orange.
But I'd be lying if I said
I didn't have an absolute blast. The show was great, the food was
great, and the atmosphere was great. Every patron in the place
was into the show, but what was especially neat was how the
waitresses got into it show too. I saw two waitresses wearing
homemade title belts, a few behind the bar shouted "we're
ready!" in response to DX's pre-match "are you
ready?" spiel, and they did something especially cool during
The Undertaker's entrance. I'm sure the wrestling fans who read
this are familiar with how the lights go dark as he enters the
arena, then turn back on as he stands on the ring steps. Someone
at the restaurant thought it would be funny to play along,
turning nearly all the lights in the place off and on in time
with the entrance. It was a fun little Rocky Horror type
of thing that I thought was a really cool idea.
We got out of there after
the show ended, and I would definitely do this again if given the
opportunity. I had way too much fun. I wouldn't mind going back
next week for the ECW pay-per-view, but I think this will be more
of a "once in a while" thing as opposed to something we
do on a regular basis. But like I said, if the chance ever came
up, I'd take it.
Like I said, we left after
the show, then dropped Jennifer off at her house before heading
back to good ol' Willisburg. It took us twice as long as usual to
get home, thanks to a nasty wreck that closed up part of the BG
Parkway. We sat there for an hour before we got moving. And after
my 29-hour adventure, I think I'm going to take it easy and relax
this week. Do you blame me?
Yeah, like I'm going out on
Black Friday and getting trampled. I might be crazy, but I'm not
a moron. I plan on spending today eating turkey and maybe playing
a little Resident Evil 4.
Speaking of, I did make a
wee bit of progress in the game late last night. We last left off
at the barn of Bitores Mendez, the "Rasputin" of whom
I've spoken in the past. He kicked the snot out of me the last
time we faced off, but I wouldn't be denied a victory the next
time. I wasn't going to quit until Rasputin was brought down.
He smacked me around pretty
good twice, but the third time was the charm. I took him out
after a brutal war that left me with no
health left at all. No joke, I couldn't see any health left at
all on the little meter in the corner of the screen. So of
course, I stopped by Trader Joe's and purchased a first aid spray
before I saved the game. Like I'm not gonna do that.
With one more boss battle
under my belt, I forged ahead, because I was close to wrapping up
part of the game. My handy dandy rifle took out the crazy
trucker, then headed straight for the castle to finish the game's
first act. I swung by Trader Joe's once I got inside the castle,
and traded in my bolt-action rifle and shotgun for the
semi-automatic rifle and the riot gun. A little tougher firepower
never hurt anybody. Well, maybe some people. But not me.
The catapults in the next
area were a pain, but I managed to get past them and break down
the castle door with that giant cannon. But then in the sword
exchange room, I got surrounded and poor Ashley got snatched
away. So I figured I would live to fight another day and left the
game. Next time, I'll be starting back at Trader Joe's shop,
ready to get around the catapults again.
That might not sound like
an extraordinary amount of progress, but I believe that a little
is better than none. Besides, making it to the second act of the
game is not too shabby. But the first act was just the tip of the
iceberg, because neither the castle or the island war zone will
show me any mercy.
And to that, I say bring it
on.
While I'm here, I might as
well talk about some Resident Evil 4. I couldn't put it
down for long, so I played a little further after my post last
night. When I last left off, I had just arrived in the village
for the third and final time. And with the exception of all those
pesky bear traps, the village was a piece of cake. Goodbye,
village; you shall be missed.
After the village was the
farm. I had Ashley hide, then I sought out to take out all the
freaks. The really crappy thing is that not only are the freaks
harder to kill in Professional mode, they're even tougher when
those tentacle monsters pop out of their necks. If flash grenades
were a little more plentiful, I could get by a little easier. I
guess this isn't the hard mode for nothing.
From the farm, Ashley and I
headed to the cabin that Libby has compared to the house from Night
of the Living Dead. This portion of the game is tough under
the Normal setting, but it's insane in Professional mode. It's
like they decided to send every single villager freak in the game
after me. But after three tries, I got out of the cabin. At this
point, it was time for a big choice. Do I go left and fight an
army of freaks and the chainsaw twins? Or do I go right and pray
I don't get squished by El Gigante #2? Hmm... decisions,
decisions. Let's try the right path.
Now I could stand my ground
and fight El Gigante, but I've got two things stopping me. One,
I'm dreadfully short on heavy ammunition. Two, I'm not completely
stupid. I'd knock him down a peg or two if I had the Chicago
Typewriter or the Handcannon, but since all I have is a handgun
and a rifle with limited ammo, I decided to employ the same game
plan I used with the helldogs outside of the church. I ran as
fast as Leon's legs could carry me. I got slowed down at the
second locked door, and that gave the big guy enough time to pick
up Ashley and squeeze the life out of her. The second time,
though, I managed to completely avoid El Gigante and got through
with nary a scratch.
From there was the ski
lift, which was almost too easy. I saved at Trader Joe's post
just past there, then headed for Rasputin's barn. And he kicked
the everloving crap out of me. The guy even grabbed me by the
head, threw me in the air, and bounced me off the rafters, for
sobbin' out loud! I'm a man who realizes when I'm out of my
league, so I decided to pack it in and call it a night.
Overall, I'm satisfied with
my progress thus far. I've let myself grow used to high-powered
guns with infinite ammo, so this presents a major challenge. It's
hard as a rock, but I'll make it. Ain't no game gonna hold me
down.
I hope everybody's having a
great Thanksgiving. Mine's been good, thanks for asking. We
didn't do a whole lot to celebrate the holiday since the whole
family couldn't get together for one reason or another, so we're
gonna do the whole turkey dinner thing tomorrow. I kinda wish we
could have done it today like normal people, but it's
unfortunately not up to me. I did, however, get a good meal at
Cracker Barrel in Danville with my folks this afternoon. So I
can't really complain about today. It's too bad I'm not a
football fan, otherwise the day would have been complete.
Instead of football, I did
watch the coverage of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC
this morning, and it left me confused. If you haven't seen NBC's
coverage before, let me set this up. Every so often, the parade
will stop in front of the Macy's store in Herald Square so some
musician that's either a nobody or completely washed up can badly
lip-sync the first verse of a song. And it's so painfully obvious
that they're lip-syncing too. What gets me is that NBC supplies
everybody with microphones and the occasional guitar. And why?
Who do they think they're fooling? Does anybody believe they're
singing live? Am I complaining to nobody in particular? I am?
Okay, then.
I decided to go ahead and
give Resident Evil 4's Professional setting a go last
night, and I'm blown away by how tough it is. So let's recap
what's happened during my latest tour of duty.
I made it through the first
area and the village, and got through it better than I expected
since never once did Chainsaw Charlie show up. I tried playing it
safe, but due to the freakish masses, I ended up with health
levels in the orange. That came back to get me in the farm area
that was next, since I died twice via hatchets to the noggin. But
I made it through, only to get squashed by Indiana Jones's giant
rolling boulder.
Second time around, I made
it past the giant bowling alley and found the tied-up Luis to end
Chapter 1-1. I got wiped out a few times in Bridgetown and the
warehouse that followed, but I got past and made it to the
chief's house. I ran into Chainsaw Charlie and some of his
buddies in the chief's backyard, but one or two grenades got me
around them and back into the village. Ran through there and
through the passage to the church graveyard, then barely made it
through the swamp before getting to the lake. Rather than take on
Nessie, I hit the conveniently-placed typewriter and called it a
day.
I picked the game back up
this afternoon, ready to conquer the world. I left off in a rough
patch, as I immediately had to fight Nessie if I wanted to
progress in the game. But I had nothing to worry about, since I
managed to kill Nessie in one attempt. Go me. But it wasn't a
flawless victory, since Nessie managed to knock my health down to
yellow. I headed along anyway, through the reservoir with ease.
After that was a tough, tough battle: Leon S. Kennedy vs. El
Gigante #1 in a no-holds-barred throwdown. And trust me, dear
readers, it was a war of attrition. Both of us took some hard
shots, with me getting knocked down and out more than once. But
I'm resilient, so I came back and I dropped El Gigante like a bad
habit.
My health had taken quite a
knock, but without any aids, I was stuck that way. I had to forge
ahead anyway. I'm a trooper, I figured I could make it. Three
helldogs were waiting for me in front of the church, and while I
always managed to take out the first one with my rifle, the other
two always ripped my poor little throat out. After one particular
incident that led to my grisly demise at the hands of these
friendly canines, I went and did something really stupid. I
accidentally hit "no" without thinking at the
"Will You Continue?" screen. And dummy me hadn't saved
the game after killing El Gigante. Way to go, Matt, you fool.
My last save point was just
before the fight with El Gigante, so I had to go back and fight
him again. He smacked me around a few times, but I managed to
knock him out after another hardfought brawl. It was back to the
helldogs, and after I took out the first one, I formulated a
plan. Instead of standing my ground and fighting them, I decided
to avoid them at all costs. I bolted for the church door, and the
plan succeded. Makes me wish I'd come up with that plan to begin
with.
So I'm in the church, I
figure out the light puzzle pretty quick, I free Ashley, and we
make a daring escape through the church window. Got through the
freaks in the cemetary without a scratch, then headed straight to
the village. I was satisfied with my progress, so I hit the
typewriter near Trader Joe's post, then called it an evening.
This is so much harder than
what I'd been used to. It seems like the only ammo I'm finding
enough of is the weak handgun bullets, which only does me favors
if I want to shoot a freak in the kneecaps before I dropkick him
in the head. It seems like the different freaks and monsters do a
lot more damage too. The Professional setting isn't the hard mode
for nothing. I have no doubts that I can
beat the game, but it's going to be a long, long road to victory.
And trust me, victory will be mine.
Oh yes, it will be mine.
You'd think that after a
while, I'd get tire of completely dominating Resident Evil 4,
but nope, I haven't yet. I've had a handful of 100,000-point runs
with Wesker in the castle level of The Mercenaries, and I finally
managed to get over that same hurdle in the village with Krauser.
I don't remember all the details, but I put up a score of just
over 111,000 last night. Now I just need to get some
100,000-point scores in Waterworld and the desert war zone, and I
can call my Mercs work wrapped up.
After that, I don't know
what I'll do with Resident Evil 4. I could always try
beating the game on the Professional setting, though my only
prize would be a truckload of bragging rights. But I've grown so
used to carrying a small armory with me, and going all the way
back to a much tougher Square One doesn't sound too friendly. I
might just have to try it one of these days though, just to
further cement my dominance over the game. Now if only the
Gamecube version had the "Separate Ways" feature...
In a related story, I'm
also highly anticipating the Resident Evil game that
Capcom is developing for the Wii. It's not going to be Resident
Evil 5 - that's being made for the Xbox 360 and the
PlayStation 3 only - but what I have seen and heard has piqued my
interest. There's not a whole lot of info about it (that I know
of, anyway), but combined with the articles I've read and the
video I saw on YouTube, it sounds like it could be a heck
of a game. I might have to pick up an Xbox 360 so I can play Resident
Evil 5, but once I catch a ride on the Wii Train, it's
heading straight for Raccoon City.
I've long considered myself
a nerd, and that's a label I wear with pride. But just my luck,
something had to go and happen to make me rethink that.
For those of you who've
been living under a rock for the last week or so, I'll explain.
Sony's big new video game console, the PlayStation 3, was
released at midnight yesterday. And unless you don't watch the
news, you've heard of all the nerds camping out in front of
electronics stores, like they were waiting in line for Star
Wars, Episode 7: The Quest for More Money. And then, when
the countdown to the PS3's launch expired, it was a widespread
nerd riot. It was like hundreds of fraternities nationwide
decided to stage much more violent reenactments of the soccer mom
frenzies over Cabbage Patch Kids and Tickle Me Elmo. People were
beating each other senseless, robbing one other at gunpoint,
getting into mild skirmishes with the police.
And for what? An overpriced
toy. That's what it is. The PS3 could make me sandwiches and
massage my feet, and I'd still think that the $600 price tag is
too much. And to tell you the truth, I don't see what the big
deal is. I never owned the original PlayStation, and I still
don't own a PS2. And because of that, I don't really feel the
need to run out and acquire a PS3. And although I have quite a
bit of interest in the Xbox 360, my main focus of the new
generation of game consoles has been on the new Nintendo Wii. I
was born and raised as a Nintendo fanboy, and I always get really
excited when they release a new console. Sure, I've had to miss
out on almost every awesome game to come out in the last five
years because they weren't made for the Gamecube, but I'm still
proud of my little purple lunch box. And while the Wii does have
a goofy (albeit fun to say) name, the concept for the controller
is brilliant, and games like Red Steel and The
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess look amazing. Plus the
Wii only costs 250 bucks, which means that it's already got one
up on the PS3.
But going back to my
original point, I don't get what the big deal about the PS3 is. I
don't see why all these overzealous morons have to stomp one
another into the ground for a $600 toy. It was pretty well known
that Sony's initial shipment was going to be a little on the
light side, but these nerds probably didn't hear it because they
were creating little Gypsy camps in front of Best Buys and
Wal-Marts around the country. I like video games as much as the
next guy, but I can live with not being first in line to buy the
newest console. Yes, I'd like a Wii and an Xbox 360, but I don't
really have the desire to get trampled by an unruly mob or get
turned into the new Reginald Denny because somebody missed out on
their shot to get a PS3. I mean, this is insanity. Pure,
unbridled insanity. And it's stupid.
It's not like Sony made the
PS3 an ultra-limited edition item. I guess Sony wanted to see how
many raging fools would line up for it on the first day. Maybe it
was some kind of psychological study or social experiment or
something like that. But this madness is both mind-boggling and
insulting to me as a gamer. I don't have to run out and crack
somebody with a brick so I can get the latest and greatest in
video game technology as soon as it's available. Violence like
this makes me embarrassed to be both a nerd and a gamer. Oh, I'll
still identify myself as such, but my nerd badge of honor has
lost a little of its luster.
Now if you'll excuse me, I
have to wrap this up so I can go shoot somebody and steal the
video games he just bought.
I've finally wrapped up the
first half of my double feature of reviews on Sunday. And truth
be told, I'm really dreading the second one. The first half
completely drained me, and not in a good way. And if that's the
case with the second part, and I fully expect it to be, I'm
anticipating just yanking the DVD out of the player halfway
through the movie and chucking it across the room. I said last
week that I was looking forward to seeing if the movie lived up
to its reputation, and while that is
true, I'd really like to avoid ripping my hair out in frustration
over how bad the movie is.
But as I said before, the
first movie in this doubleheader has almost completely worn me
out, so I think I might put the second one on hold for a couple
of weeks so I can recharge my batteries. If I'm going to rip this
sucker to shreds, I want to be at full strength when I do it. A
high-quality bashing is what I'm after. Though depending on how
Netflix decides to work with me, I may try working on reviews of Clerks
2 or Superman Returns before this other movie. They
both come out two weeks from today, and I might be able to
acquire one of them through Netflix. I really liked both of them
a lot, and either would be a good way to cleanse the palate of
this horrible piece of crap I just got done reviewing. I wanted
to review both Clerks 2 and Superman Returns
anyway, so if it means having to put some horrible soul-killing
movie on hold, then that's what I'll do what I have to do.
But we'll just see how it
goes from here. I do plan on getting the second half of the
doubleheader done sometime, don't worry. It just might be a few
weeks. But hey, nobody ever accused me of being speedy in regards
to these things. Am I right?
I want to make a post, but
I'm lacking a topic. I could talk about Horrorfest, but there's
been no progress to report. I'm beginning to think it's a lost
cause, if you want me to be totally honest about it. But I said I
wasn't going to get my hopes up just in case, and I'm not.
Since there's nothing to
talk about there, I guess I could always talk about the new
writing project I mentioned about a week and a half ago, even if
there's not a whole lot to discuss about it. I got the first
movie in my intended doubleheader from Netflix today, and I'm
really anticipating writing the review. I haven't gotten too deep
into the movie yet, but I have managed to put in quite a bit of
work on the opening paragraph, which is always the toughest part
of every review for me.
I'm especially looking
forward to the second part of this doubleheader. I've heard so
many awful things about it, that I almost have
to watch it as soon as I can. It's almost like a car crash; no
matter how gruesome it is, you still want to look. But really,
I've heard very negative reviews about both movies, so I'm not
expecting either of them to be winners. Truthfully, I'm expecting
to have a lot of fun bashing them if they're as bad as I hear.
And would you look at that.
I went in with nothing to talk about, and cooked up something
decent after all. Yay me.
Me and my regular crew were
chatting a few days ago, and Tiff had an idea that I am most
supportive of. I'm not quite sure if Moses and Jennifer could go
for it, and we haven't really talked about it since it first came
up, but I'm hoping the idea can come to fruition.
Since you're probably
wondering what I'm jabbering about, Tiff's idea was us attending
Horrorfest, otherwise known as "Eight Films To Die
For." If you haven't seen the commercials on television,
Horrorfest is a three-day film festival being held in 500
theaters in thirty-five cities on the 17th, 18th, and 19th. Each
of the eight movies are horror movies that are billed as being
"too shocking for general audiences," and that probably
wouldn't get a theatrical release otherwise. Well, to be honest,
there's actually nine movies in the festival, one of which is a
"bonus movie" apparently only available to people who
buy an all-access ticket to the other eight. It's only showing
once, 10:00 on the 19th, which means we probably won't make it to
that one if we go. Some of us have places to be on that Monday.
And to be truthful, I'm not really all that interested in seeing Snoop
Dogg's Hood of Horror anyway.
We probably would go see it
anyway, but the thing is that the only theater in the state of
Kentucky that's hosting Horrorfest is up in Newport. Newport is
200 miles away, right on the Ohio River. You can spit in Newport
and it'd land in Cincinnati. Now if it were in Lexington or maybe
Louisville, we might be more set upon going. But considering that
driving a four-hour round trip on three consecutive days would
probably be quite taxing, we'd either have to rent a motel room
for the weekend or just pass on the whole thing.
I'm not getting my hopes
up, because we haven't decided for certain if we really are
going. Like I said, we haven't talked about since earlier in the
week, and I'm probably the only one of the four that even
remembers the idea of going was brought up in the first place. If
we do go and have to rent a motel room, then we'll have to shake
the money tree, as well as make sure that everyone will be able
to free up their schedules for that weekend.
Plus, some of the movies
may be a wee bit on the graphic side. And if Jennifer couldn't
sit through Saw 3, then I seriously doubt she'll be able
to sit through eight unrated movies that are probably going to be
much worse. And I know for a fact that if she walks out, she'll
be taking Moses with her, so if that's how it's gonna be, then me
and Tiff might as well just go without them.
Hmm... I'll have to talk to
the others about this.
Five years ago, in room 218
of Campbellsville University's Broadway Hall, a revolution was
born. It had the humblest of origins, but in the half-decade that
followed, it became a blogosphere powerhouse known as the one,
the only, the legendary... The Matt Sutton Experience. Okay,
okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but the last five years have
been a lot of fun. So let's have a history lesson, shall we?
This here blog initially
started, as many of you readers know, here on Tripod.com. I got
the idea from my neighbor Kenny, right down to misappropriating
his blog's format. Outside of a few aesthetic changes - changing
the text color from neon green to the current gray, adding
Blatant Movie Shilling, comments, and the revolving taglines -
the Tripod format's remained pretty much the same since I first
opened up shop. But enough about that, what about the content?
That's the most important thing, right?
Let's discount 2001, since
I only had about thirteen posts over two months, and they weren't
really much. So let's start with 2002. And to be truthful, 2002
wasn't a very good year for the Experience either. I averaged
maybe two or three posts a month, even dipping down to just one
per month on two occasions. The posts were really anemic, on
occasion being just a few sentences long, which is why I've since
nicknamed my 2002 archives "The Dead Zone." Post
quality improved a little and post count improved greatly in
2003, especially come August. And the reason is this: the
creation of Sutton At The Movies. I did the very first two, the
original Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street
movies, right around the time Freddy vs. Jason came out
because I thought it'd be something fun to do. I didn't really
think it would lead anywhere, but three years later, Sutton At
The Movies has really taken off and the count stands at right
around 120 reviews. That number really spiked something sharp in
2004, during which it seemed like every post I made for a few
months was just to say I got a new review up. Not that that's
totally a bad thing, but still.
But personally, I think the
seeds for the current blog were sown in 2005. While there were
quite a few "I saw a movie, here's what I thought"
posts - there still are quite a few, actually - I started doing
posts that were more refined than my past material. A little more
refined, a little more perosnal, and a little more mature. That
sort of thing has developed to where we are now in 2006, and I
think the blog's personality has really blossomed since then. I
also really believe that the blog and Sutton At The Movies have
helped to make me a better writer than I was at this time in
2001, so I really can't complain about how things have
progressed.
The blog has been quite a
learning experience for me. It's helped me see into my own life,
made me look at myself and the way I do things. The blog's
evolution has been my own evolution, and I think I'm a better
person for it. What started as a dorky college student's goof in
2001 has since become an important part of who I am now. The last
five years have been quite a journey, and here's hoping for five
more.
Howdy, folks. Welcome to
the month of November. To celebrate the beginning of the eleventh
month of the year, I've got a brand new review to share. I just
finished up my review of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse
of the Black Pearl, which you can check out here.
Have fun reading, and I'll
see you tomorrow with the big post I have planned.
Today's the big day, folks.
October 31st. Halloween. One of the most anticipated days on this
young man's calendar.
As per the usual, I don't
really have any major Halloween plans lined up right now. I
usually play it by ear. Though, like ever year, I do plan on
hanging out with my uncle in his driveway and helping him hand
out some candy. This has been a personal tradition for me every
year for the last decade or so. I've only missed one Halloween,
and that was just due to unfortunate college-related commitments
that I couldn't get out of. But outside of that, my annual
Halloween plans have almost always gone off without a hitch, and
it's something I look forward to every year.
Today is also one of those
days where horror movies are universally cool for a change. The
genre doesn't always get the respect it deserves during the other
364 days out of the year, but everyone is into horror on
Halloween. I've long been a fan of the genre, and I'm not shy
about it. But there's just something about Halloween that makes
horror movies that much more special and that much more fun on
this particular day. And if there's one thing I love, it's a good
scary movie on Halloween.
On that note, I think I'm
going to go watch some scary movies. Before I head off, I want to
give a little plug to a project that my buddy Dave is doing. The
guy's decided to compile the contents of his pro wrestling DVDs
into one large, in-depth database. And I must admit that this
little shout-out might be a wee bit on the selfish side, since I
had a hand in some of the research. But if you're at all
interested, feel free to check it out. And to be totally honest,
I might just have to rip the idea off one day.
And that's that. Everybody
have a safe and happy Halloween, and hopefully you'll have more
treat than trick. Unless you like tricks. And you probably do,
you sick freak.
Sunday, October
29, 2006; 2:11 p.m.
Well, we didn't get around
to seeing Silence of the Lambs last night. Instead, we
decided to go check out Saw 3. And truthfully, it was an
experience unlike any other I've had before. Want to hear about
it? Of course you do. That's why you're here.
Myself, Moses, and our
Anderson County crew, Jennifer and Tiffany, headed up to see the
9:45 showing of the movie. And not twenty minutes into it,
Jennifer decides it's too much for her and leaves, Moses
following behind to keep her company. It's the first time I can
remember a member of my posse walking out of a movie. And it
confuses me, since Jennifer can usually handle a little gore.
She's a lover of zombie movies, after all. Besides, the
commercials and trailers pretty much come right out and say the
movie's going to be a gorefest. A Saw movie without
graphic violence is like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie
without chainsaws or massacres. But to each his or her own, I
guess.
So this just left me and
Tiffany in the theater, which wasn't so bad until a guy two rows
behind us vomited. It wasn't because of the movie, but because
he'd had a wee bit too much to drink. I know this because once
this little incident happened, the place suddenly smelled like
someone had poured a bottle of vodka all over the floor. And this
guy just threw up all over the place. If Tiffany and I had been
two seats to the left, where Moses and Jennifer were sitting,
we'd have probably gotten it all over our shoes. And outside of a
few stragglers on the ends of each, the full two rows behind us
pretty much cleared out for the remainder of the movie, no joke.
From what Tiff and I were told after the movie by a friend of
hers that works as an usher, the guy was arrested for public
intoxication once he got into the lobby. The usher even said
there was a real ruckus in the lobby, and that one upset woman
kicked down the manager's door demanding a refund. Throw in the
fact that the guy next to me had a kid that looked no older than
seven years old with him, and I guess you could claim that the
experience was a little bit out there.
But let's talk about Saw
3 for a little while, okay? There's two plotlines going on
at the same time:
- Jeff, played by Angus
Macfayden, is a father consumed with hatred for the man
who accidentally killed his son and for those who let the
killer free with a mere slap on the wrist. He is forced
to endure what is essentially an obstacle course
comprised of those people he despises most, each stuck in
their own lethal traps that Jeff may either solve or
neglect.
- Lynn, played by Bahar
Soomekh, is a talented surgeon kidnapped by Jigsaw and
his apprentice Amanda with the intention of keeping
Jigsaw alive until Jeff finishes his obstacle course.
Around her neck is a collar rigged with shotgun shells,
which is connected to Jigsaw's heart rate. If Jigsaw
flatlines, so does Lynn.
The movie delicately
balances both storylines very carefully, but until they converge
in the climax, I got the feeling that Storyline #2 was really the
main one. I found Jigsaw and Amanda to be the film's most
intriguing characters, and they are rightfully given the bulk of
the movie's running time. We are taken deeper into their
relationship and how their lives have progressed to where they
are now. As I said previously, both are quite intriguing, and
both are excellently played by Tobin Bell and Shawnee Smith. Bell
and Smith's performances make the characters endearing, even if
it is in the same sense that Freddy Krueger or Rob Zombie's
Firefly clan are.
Though while I thought
Jigsaw and Amanda were the movie's main focus, the storyline with
Jeff deserves a little mention. The storyline is so
heart-wrenching at times, invoking a certain level of emotion not
really seen in the prior two movies. It also gives Saw 3
the strongest sense of morality when compared to the other two.
It is a tale of forgiveness and compassion, and though it is told
with tremendous amounts of carnage, it is still a story that
truly emphasizes Jigsaw's philosophy. While I do believe that a
little more emphasis is placed upon the other storyline, the
movie is strengthened by this one.
The characters, especially
our pair of villains, are very deep, very layered. There is
always so much going on beneath their surfaces, and neither
Jigsaw or Amanda reveal all the cards in their hands until the
grand finale. And what a finale it is. Nearly every loose end
from the entire trilogy thus far is tied up in the final five
minutes of the movie, giving us the full scope of the entire Saw
universe. It may seem Shyamalan-esque, but when it's all put
together, it makes the entire universe much deeper and rounded.
We don't really know how
things will connect or tie together during the movie, but as with
the previous two entries in the trilogy, it all comes together
nearly seamlessly in the end. And while I've heard rumblings of a
Saw 4 coming out next year depending on this one's
success, I think Saw 3 could serve as a satisfactory
closing chapter for the franchise. The entire trilogy comprises a
quite interesting story, though I'll admit that I'm not entirely
against a fourth Saw movie either. I guess we'll just
have to wait until next Halloween.
Darren Lynn Bosman's
direction is sound, James Wan and Leigh Whannell's script and
Charlie Clouser's music are well done, and the traps are sick. Oh
my, the traps. I don't want to give any of them away, but they
are so deliciously painful that the gorehounds will love Saw
3. As I said, the acting is good too, especially the
wonderful performances from Bell and Smith. They were both very
good in the first two Saw movies, and they're just as
excellent here.
So to wrap this thing up, Saw
3 is a respectable entry in a film franchise that has
apparently become something of a Halloween tradition. It's
violent, gore-drenched, frightening, and via the one storyline,
downright sad at times. My official judgment is three and
a half stars, leaning towards four, and I give it and
the entire Saw franchise my seal of approval.
That's about it for this
one. Other than that, the day was dreadfully uneventful. I'm just
glad I'm not one of those poor saps who got vomited on by that
drunk guy. That's probably why Moses and Jennifer should be glad
they left when they did, because they'd have probably gotten
caught up in it too.
And that'd be terrible.
Saturday,
October 28, 2006; 1:30 p.m.
As I posted about last
week, myself and my crew were aiming to check out a double
feature of The Exorcist and The Silence of the Lambs
in Frankfort last night. Unfortunately, due to certain
job-related circumstances, one member of our crew couldn't make
it and another had to work early this morning. So we decided to
implement Plan B and catch only the first half of tonight's
doubleheader, the extended "director's cut" of The
Exorcist, tonight. So let's see how that went, shall we?
I'd seen various bits and
pieces of The Exorcist on television in the past, but
nothing could have prepared me for just how disturbing the movie
is. Really, the movie actually made me want to curl up in a
padded room for a few hours. What I thought was especially
harrowing was all the little subtle things, like the faint Pazazu
idols that creep up in the shadows of some scenes, and the
split-second frames of Captain Howdy that were subliminally
edited in there like they were Tyler Durden's porn collection.
The shots of Captain Howdy particularly frightened me, because
they were so quick that I was left with the feeling that while I
wasn't a hundred percent sure what I saw, it made me almost pee
my pants anyway. And that, folks, was effective.
Everything about the movie
is just so disturbing. I normally don't feel like I've been
punched in the stomach after leaving most horror movies, but
that's how The Exorcist left me feeling. That's the only
way I can describe this feeling. There's a reason why The
Exorcist has developed a reputation as one of the genre's
most enduring classics, and I believe that how I feel now is that
reason.
Honestly, not very many
movies have left me feeling the next day exactly how I felt after
I left the theater. But The Exorcist is one of them.
It's one of those movies that, when the credits roll, makes me
want to stand up, take a deep breath, and say, "Man, that's
messed up." I am simply in awe of just how mind-blowing The
Exorcist is. The writing and direction are well done, the
acting is spectacular, and most importantly, it's scary. Very,
very scary. And it earns high praise with four and a half
stars, a definite "Sutton At The Movies"
recommendation.
Now that that's out of the
way, we still have Silence of the Lambs to see tonight.
I've seen it a dozen times, but I'm still excited about seeing it
up on the big screen. There's just something about the experience
that makes it so much more fun. Now if there were a way I could
have made it to the doubleheader of the Texas Chainsaw
Massacre prequel and The Descent that the
Harrodsburg drive-in was showing this weekend...
I've been meaning to do a
new post this week, but hadn't found the time or topic until
right now. So come on, let's see where this takes us.
I'm currently working on a
new review that I've been wanting to do for a few months now, and
I have two more currently lined up once I finish this one. And as
much as I want to do the one I'm working on right now, I'm
especially looking forward to the next two. I don't want to come
out and say what they are, since I like to keep my work secret
until their grand unveilings, but I will say that I don't expect
the movies to be very good. And to be perfectly honest, if
they're just as bad as their reputations let on, I'm going to
have a ball ripping them to shreds. Hopefully, they'll be more
"angry bad" than "disappointing bad," because
"angry bad" reviews are so much more fun to write.
So after I get those two
done, I don't really have any other reviews lined up yet. I still
need to do Jackie Brown and maybe True Romance,
but it's just a matter of sitting down and actually doing them.
But they'll have to wait in any event, since I still have these
three reviews I have set up. I'm sure I'll get around to them
eventually.
And that's enough of this.
I'd better get back to my projects. It isn't going to write
itself.
I had quite a long night,
and boy, am I feeling it today. I could probably go back to sleep
and stay there all afternoon. I'm that worn out.
The evening began somewhere
in the neighborhood of 7:30, with the usual suspects and I
heading up to Jacobson Park in Lexington to go visit a haunted
house. Well, it wasn't so much a haunted house as it was a
haunted trail, but you get the idea. And I must admit I thought
the place was a lot of fun. It wasn't as intensely scare as I'd
have expected, but after a lifetime of watching horror movies, I
think my senses have been a wee bit dulled. But regardless, the
place was great. What was really fun was seeing how scared the
other three were. I was bringing up the rear of our foursome,
which meant the other three got scared before I did, or
everything snuck up on me first.
That leads to a silly
story, actually. As I said, I was in the back of the group. At
one point, a guy in overalls and a hockey mask sneaks up behind
us and followed us for a little bit. I noticed him and called
out, "Holy crap, Jason! Hey, it's Jason!"
Unfortunately, they didn't pay any attention. The thing is that
Moses's first name is Jason, so they all thought I was just
trying to get his attention. This is what I get for hanging out
with a guy who has the same name as a popular horror villain.
The only really bad part of
the whole thing was all the mud. It was like someone had set this
thing up at Woodstock. We've been getting plenty of rain lately,
which could be part of it. But I also think that they hid
strategically placed mud pits in some of the trail's darker
spots. I say that because the ground was a lot softer in some
places, and I vaguely noticed what looked like a shallow hole
someone had dug and filled in with mud. I ended up with mud
nearly up to my knees, thanks to those things. I'm just glad I
didn't get dressed up for the thing, otherwise I'd be a little
more unhappy.
After the haunted trail, we
were all feeling a little hungry. It was pretty late when we got
out of there, and since we didn't think many restaurants would be
open around 10:30 or 11:00, our options were limited. And since
the girls didn't want to go to White Castle, we agreed upon
Waffle House instead. It was closer than White Castle, it's a
24-hour establishment, and who doesn't like waffles? Anybody who
says they don't like Waffle House's waffles is either a fool or a
liar. That's some good stuff.
From Waffle House, we moved
on to a Wal-Mart that was close by. We didn't have any real
reason to be there, we just like hanging out in Wal-Marts. Didn't
get anything accomplished there, not that we were really aiming
to, but we did succeed in killing some time and having some fun.
Since it was getting pretty
late, almost 1:30 in the morning, we figured we'd head home after
leaving Wal-Mart. We ended up getting slowed down by about a
half-hour or so, thanks to a wrong turn we initially believed was
going to be a shortcut, but we eventually ended up on the right
road to home. Moses and I hung out with the girls at their place
for a little while before we called it a night and rolled home
about 4:00 in the morning. So yeah, I'm a little worn out. I
slept until 1:45 this afternoon and I'm still tired.
My plans for what's left of
the day are to simply sit back and relax. Unless something comes
up, I'll probably be doing the relaxation thing all week. At
least until Friday, that is. Depending on the availability of
particular members of our crew, there may be big plans for Friday
night. The Grand, where we previously caught a midnight showing
of Army of Darkness back in August, is doing a double
feature of The Silence of the Lambs on both Friday and
Saturday. They'll be showing The Exorcist at 8:00 and Silence
of the Lambs at midnight Friday, then swapping them on
Saturday night. If every member of the crew can be available,
since we don't want any of us being left out, we're going to try
and make it to both Friday shows. If not, we're going to
implement Plan B and see just the two midnight showings. Either
way would be a lot of fun, but I'm kinda pulling for Plan A, just
to save making an extra trip.
One way or the other, I
think we'll have just as great a time as we did when we saw Army
of Darkness. I still haven't seen more than a few minutes of
The Exorcist, and I can't think of a more fun way to see
it for the first time. So here's hoping our plans go off without
a hitch.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go kick back and enjoy a lazy Sunday.
Myself and Moses caught The
Marine late this afternoon. We'd meant to catch it last
night with our Anderson County crew, but due to extenuating
circimstances, we missed the last showing. But no matter, Moses
and I saw it today, and boy, is it a mess.
I went in not expecting
much, and while it was fun, I repeatedly had my intelligence
insulted by the movie. The lead character, played by pro wrestler
John Cena, narrowly avoids being killed in numerous explosions
despite the fact that a normal person would have been burned to a
crisp. A normal person would have been completely and thoroughly
broken by the end of the movie, but Cena gets through without so
much as a scratch. And his character's wife, played by Kelly
Carlson from that TV show nip/tuck, is repeatedly hit in
the face, yet apparently never has any bruises or a busted nose
or a concussion or anything. Are we to believe that these
characters can survive all this punishment without recieving any
visible injuries?
There is such a thing as
suspension of disbelief, and The Marine stomps all over
it. Characters show no battle damage, the villains shoot like
they recieved weapons training from the A-Team, and the insane
twist that concludes the second act just makes the movie really
tough to believe. (The twist is immediately negated, so I guess
that doesn't matter.) The acting is so-so, with Robert Patrick
and his henchmen playing their roles with tongues planted firmly
in cheek. Patrick's facial expression when one of his henchmen
compares Cena to the Terminator is priceless. Carlson
accomplishes nothing aside from standing around looking cute, and
I would advise Cena not to quit his day job. I just don't see him
following in The Rock's footsteps and becoming the next big
action star.
The Marine is a
big, dumb, violent action movie in the vein of Commando.
There's fighting and guns and explosions, and anyone who enjoys
that sort of thing will like this. Personally, I'll give The
Marine a thumbs in the middle with two and a half
stars. It could have been a whole lot better, I'll say
that much.
With all the talk about Resident
Evil 4 over at Lib's blog, I decided to dip my toe back into
the game's waters last night. I started with the Mercenaries
side-game, which I may or may not have a mild addiction to. I
played a few rounds, usually topping out at between 50,000 and
60,000 points. I picked it back up today, I got the same results.
But then, the magic happened.
I headed out with Wesker in
the castle, where I'd had plenty of success with him in the past.
For most of the time, I kept the sniper rifle armed. It's not
exactly intended for close combat, but I make it a point to keep
my distance while playing The Mercenaries. It was a rough battle,
with freaks coming from all sides with crossbows, spiked shields,
and maces. I wasn't even sure if I'd make it out alive, thanks to
my health running dangerously low in the last ten seconds, and I
had no pick-me-ups to help. I retreated to a safe place with
scant time remaining, and when the dust settled, I was
victorious.
My final score: 109 freaks
killed, with three Superclaws dusted and a streak of 36 in a row,
for a grand total of 112,290 points. This obliterated my previous
high score of 108,420, which I set back in April in the castle
with Wesker.
Today is a proud day for me
as a fan of Resident Evil 4. Now if I could just break
the 100,000 point barrier in the other three levels, things would
be great.
Sunday, October
15, 2006; 1:20 p.m.
Like I said on Friday,
there were some rumblings among my posse to go see The Grudge
2 last night. And that's exactly what we did. Moses and I
picked up one of our Anderson County crew (since the other was
unfortunately unavailable) and caught the 10:00 showing in
Frankfort.
My honest opinion of the
movie is that it's got a bad case of sequelitis. I just didn't
think it was as good as the previous movie. That's only
exascerbated by the fact that the plot teeters on the brink of
incoherence. It has three seperate storylines going on at once,
and because it bounces back and forth between them, it can make
the movie hard to follow. If the movie followed a more linear
method of storytelling, it probably wouldn't be so confusing. But
I think if one can decipher a proper timeline of events, it might
make a little more sense.
What it lacks in plot, the
movie makes up for with atmosphere and visuals. The movie is
thoroughly creepy, building up a certain level of suspense while
lulling the viewer into a false sense of security in order to
create more effective jump scares. And believe me, there's some
really good jump scares. The Grudge 2 is a lot like its
predecessor, in that there are a lot of jump scares to go around.
Combine the jumps with the atmosphere, the spooky ghosts, and the
downright frightening sound design, and you have all the makings
of a horror movie that would have been a very disturbing one had
it been a little easier to follow.
The acting is hit or miss,
but it isn't too bad. Sarah Michelle Gellar is great despite a
limited role, and Amber Tamblyn is really good (although she's no
SMG). Takako Fuji, though stuck in a thankless role that doesn't
require a lot of "traditional" acting, was quite
frightening as the malevolent "onryo" she's played in
all prior Grudge movies, both Japanese and American. The
rest of the main cast - Arielle Kebbel, Edison Chen, and Matthew
Knight - are not bad, but don't really stand out, either. I'm
also saddened that Ryo Ishibashi is relegated to a rather mundane
cameo. Ishibashi was great in the previous movie, but is
unfortunately only around for one scene here. While he's great in
the one scene, and it does hint of his character's eventual fate,
I personally would have been satisfied if he had been given
Edison Chen's role.
As a whole, The Grudge
2 isn't all it could have been. It isn't awful, but it
almost seems like just a quick way for the filmmakers to
capitalize on the previous movie's success. However, with a
little work, I think it could have been just as good as the
previous movie. Perhaps an eventual unrated DVD will help correct
that? But as it stands, I'm going to give The Grudge 2 three
and a half stars. And if the movie taught me anything at
all, it's to stay out of haunted houses and Japanese no-tell
motels. Though that's just good advice in general.
I'm watching Friday the
13th, Part 8 on Bravo right now. That's the one where Jason
goes to New York City, but spends the majority of the movie on a
cruise ship. So I'm watching this, and I got to thinking about
Jason's role in the franchise. He's ostensibly the villain, but
with every new entry in the series, I find myself cheering more
and more for Jason. Pretty much everybody he kills has it coming,
which really paints Jason as more of an anti-hero than a villain.
Yes, Jason kills nearly
indiscriminately, as we see him avoid killing children in the
sixth movie. (Though, to be honest, that doesn't explain why he
wanted to kill a young Corey Feldman so badly in Part 4.)
Most of Jason's quarry are jocks, slutty party girls, bullies,
potheads, and the occasional nerd. In later movies, it seems he
kills for the sake of killing, with no real rhyme or reason. But
in the early going, his kills were revenge for the death of his
mother and for his own supposed drowning as a child. By that
logic, there's an argument for Jason being considered the horror
genre's answer to The Punisher. As I said earlier, his victims
more or less ask for it, especially in each further installment
of the series.
I've also noticed that with
each new sequel, Jason's kills become less scary and more
outrageous. It's as if someone said, "Okay, guys, Jason
isn't as scary anymore, so let's see if we can make him cool
instead." Just watch some of the later sequels, and you'll
see what I mean. In the early movies, his kills were simple.
Mainly just a lot of stabbings, with the occasional broken neck
or head-squashing. But from about the middle of the series on,
the kills get bigger, badder, and a lot more violent. While part
of it is probably catering to the gorehounds in the audience, it
also works to make people say, "holy crap, did you see
that?!" during the movies. I also think that since Jason is
more "cool" than "scary" nowadays, the
creative kills are his main drawing point. So why not accentuate
the positives, deemphasize the negatives. Why do a simple machete
to the chest when you can punch somebody's head clean off their
shoulders and slam dunk it in a dumpster?
I don't really know where I
was headed with this post when I began it. When I started, I just
felt like posting, and I decided to talk about the fist thing
that popped into my mind. And really, what's better to talk about
on Friday the 13th than the Friday the 13th movies? not
a lot, that's what. And I've pretty much talked myself out for
tonight. I should be back later with some Saturday the 14th talk,
if everything goes according to plan. Me and my crew were aiming
to see The Grudge 2 tomorrow night, but I just need to
get ahold of everybody else and make sure we're all on the same
wavelength in regards to that. So until then, true believers,
excelsior.
Friday, October
13, 2006; 1:37 p.m.
Happy Friday the 13th,
everybody. I hope nobody's walked under any ladders or had any
black cats cross their paths or had any psychos in hockey masks
try to inflict any grievous bodily harm upon them. If any of that
has happened to you readers, I guess my advice is "better
luck next time."
As someone who enjoys days
like today, I think it's especially cool that we've got one of
those rare occasions where there's a Friday the 13th in the same
month as Halloween. That means I'm probably going to end up
overdosing on horror movies this month. And that's awesome.
So Halloween is coming up
in a few weeks, and two days after that - three weeks from
yesterday, to be specific - is this here blog's fifth birthday. I
usually make it a point to celebrate Halloween to the fullest
extent I possibly can, but I'm especially looking forward to
November 2nd. I haven't really celebrated past blogiversaries,
but this one is big. It's special. It's my quinquennial. I've
always had a certain amount of pride is knowing that this very
blog is one of the oldest of the loose circle of affiliated blogs
that it is a part of, so I'm going to be celebrating my tenure in
high fashion.
I don't want to jump too
deep into this post, since I want to save a little something for
the big day. But between today, Halloween, and November 2nd, the
next few weeks aren't going to be all that bad.
Got a review of Hard Candy up over at "Sutton At The
Movies." I meant to do get this done last week, but I got
about halfway through before I put it off to review Supergirl.
At least I got it done, so I guess waiting a week or two didn't
really hurt it all that bad.
So now that that's out of
the way, what do I have to talk about? That is a mystery even to
me, my friends. Wait, on second thought, I take that back. I do
have some things after all!
Moses and I were in
Danville to see School For Scoundrels on Tuesday, and
after the movie, we decided to go over to Wal-Mart to hang out
for a while. We didn't really intend on hanging out all that
long, mainly because Moses just wanted to pick up the new X-Men
3 and Fast and the Furious 3 DVDs and probably the
fifth season of Smallville if he could find it. But we
ended up getting into this long - and I mean long - conversation
with some guy we bumped into in the electronics department. We
were probably there for a good hour and a half, two hours. We
ended up going from what we liked and disliked about X-Men 3,
to why Maury Povich's show sucks, to Waverly Hills Sanatorium up in Louisville, to Biblical
apocrypha. How we got from one subject to the next, I have no
clue. But hey, it was actually a pretty fun conversation. So we
got that, and Moses ended up acquiring X-Men 3, Fast
and the Furious 3, and a documentary about Waverly Hills
that aired on the Sci-Fi Channel.
Having done that, we
decided to head out. And as we got out of the parking lot, I
ended up noticing a comic book store in the shopping center just
off the main highway. This was the first time I'd seen the place,
and I've been wishing for a comic book store that was closer to
home, so we totally stopped by. We didn't get to stay long, since
the place was about 15 minutes from closing up for the night, but
I'm totally going to be in there whenever I have the opportunity
and money to burn. I'm going to have to keep some comics I'd like
to acquire in mind, maybe even keep an eye out for a "Help
Wanted" sign once I get on my feet and do some job hunting.
And that was pretty much it
for the day. I probably would have posted about it earlier, but
the last few days haven't exactly been kind to me. But eh, I did
pretty much the same thing last week, so whatever. Either way,
I'm wrapping this one up here. Out.
I'm still not feeling as
good as I'd like to, but I have improved a little over how I was
feeling last night. I'm just weak as a kitten, and I haven't had
anything resembling an appetite all day. But I guess that's to be
expected.
However, I did manage to
work up enough energy to finish something I'd been working on for
the last few days. And that something is a brand new review! This
time around, the review is of the one and only Supergirl. I just need to get around to
reviewing Superman Returns, and I'll have the entire
franchise done.
Speaking of movies, I saw School
For Scoundrels in Danville on Tuesday. It was a little slow
at the beginning, but it picked up steam as it progressed. I
really liked Billy Bob Thornton, and Jon "Napoleon
Dynamite" Heder isn't bad, but I think the movie really had
a hard time balancing the dark humor with the "dork gets the
girl" thing. If it stayed closer to being a dark comedy, I
personally think it would have been a little funnier. But I did
enjoy the movie, so School For Scoundrels gets three
and a half stars.
And that's about it for
this one. I'm going to go relax and get ready for the next
episode of Smallville. Later.
Gonna try to keep this one
short, but tonight was the absolute suck. I feel way too weak,
and I should probably be in bed right now. And that's where I'm
headed as soon as I get this post finished. So let's get this
done so I can get myself a little rest.
Moses and I were headed
back up to Lawrenceburg, which I guess has become something of a
weekly trend. We mainly went to return some DVDs he rented last
week, but we ended up hanging out with Jennifer and Tiff too.
Dropped off the videos, ran by Kroger so Jennifer could fill out
a job application, then headed over to Wendy's. That's when I
discovered that Wendy's has started selling vanilla Frostys, one
of which I just had to get. It wasn't bad at all, but what was
bad was the fact that my stomach was oddly hurting before I got
into the restaurant.
We headed back to
Jennifer's afterwards, and played a few video games. I love Resident
Evil 4, but I never realized just how much I favored the
GameCube version until I played the PS2 version. It took me
forever to learn the controls, and even then I had no clue what I
was doing. I normally dominate at the Mercenaries game, but I
played twice and topped out at 15,000 points before I got killed
both times. I think I'll stick with the GameCube version, thank
you.
Normally, it would have
been a fun night. Like I said before, I was having some odd
stomach aches. These aches lasted all night, until a fit of
coughing segued into full-on vomiting. I don't know why it
happened, but I do know it pretty much killed all my fun. I
thought that the vomiting would be the end of my troubles, but
nope, it wasn't. Moses and I were on the road to home about half
an hour ago, and I had to tell Moses to pull over so I could
throw up again. Ugh.
It's been a good long while
since I've felt this horrible, and I don't like it one bit. I
don't know how I got this way, but I do have an idea; one of the
kids my mom babysits has a stomach virus, and I probably caught
it from her. I'm not sure, but I do know that I am sick as a dog,
and I hope I feel better in the morning.
So with that, I head off to
bed. Here's hoping I'm not so sick in the morning.
Sunday, October
1, 2006; 5:25 p.m.
So now we've entered the
month of October. The year seems like it's just flown by. It'll
be Halloween just four weeks from Tuesday, and I'm totally
looking forward to that.
But this past week has just
sapped nearly all of my strength, mainly because Tuesday and
Wednesday were so crammed full of activity. Tuesday saw myself
and Moses head up to Bardstown. He had an 8:00 appointment to get
his car's windows tinted, so we dropped the car off and walked
around town. Unfortunately, because there aren't any sidewalks in
that section of town, we had to walk in the grass on the side of
the road. That wouldn't be too bad normally, but thanks to all
the rain we got last weekend, the ground was still really wet and
nasty. So when you combine that with my crappy shoes, I ended up
feeling like I was walking around in a puddle all day. That was
boatloads of fun. </sarcasm>
But anyway, we hit up
Burger King for breakfast first. Have you seen those Meat'normous
sandwiches that Burger King sells? It's two sausage patties, two
eggs, cheese, ham, and bacon on a bun. The thing clogs my
arteries just thinking about it. It can't be healthy, but I tried
one anyway, and it wasn't bad. Though to be honest, I'll take a
bacon, egg, and cheese McGriddle from McDonald's any day of the
week.
After that, Kroger. Moses
has an uncle that works there, so he wanted to swing by and say
howdy. I also think that Moses has developed an affection for
scratch-off lottery tickets. He got particularly hooked back in
Augist, when we spent a good long while at the Kentucky lottery
booth at the state fair. The reason I mention this is because as
we headed out of Kroger, we stopped over at the little lottery
ticket machines by the door so he could buy a few scratch-off
tickets. I think he just about broke even, which is better than a
loss, right?
From Kroger, we started to
head back in the direction of the car shop. Just to kill a little
time, we made a stop at the Movie Gallery down the street from
the place. What really attracted me was the racks of used DVDs
Movie Gallery had on sale. Most of them were priced
between ten and fifteen dollars, but quite a few were marked
down to five bucks. Needless to say, we made pretty good use of
that deal. So we took our movies, picked up the car, and had a
movie night that evening. And that was Tuesday.
Wednesday was a little bit
slower, but still a busy day. Again, it involved Moses and I
hanging around. But instead of Bardstown, we handed up to
Lawrenceburg to hang out with our Anderson County associates
Jennifer and Tiffany. It was mostly us sitting around at
Jennifer's house, but we did get around to watching some of the
Supergirl movie, played a little of the Punisher PS2 game, then
caught House of the Dead 2 on the Sci-Fi Channel. Good
times.
Yeah, this is a post (or
two) I could have made last week. But I'm slow, sue me. But
really, any time is a good time to post. Am I right? Of course I
am. I do think I might have another post like this later in the
week, though. Moses and I are thinking of making some more
Lawrenceburg plans, especially since he's got to return some DVDs
to Lawrenceburg's Movie Gallery on Wednesday. But we'll see what
happens, because we're spur-of-the-moment people. Until then,
true believers, excelsior.
Tonight saw the sixth
season premiere of Smallville. I really enjoy Smallville,
but the crappy thing is that if I watch it, it means I have to
miss My Name Is Earl. Why couldn't NBC just put Deal
Or No Deal on at 8:00 and My Name Is Earl and The
Office on at 9:00 and 9:30 like last season? It wouldn't
have been so bad, then. But I guess if I have to choose one or
the other, I can wait for summer reruns to see what I miss. So
let's recap the episode:
- Clark is stuck in the
Phantom Zone with Raya, a former assistant of Jor-El.
Also in the Phantom Zone are Zod's two goons from last
season and actual phantoms. No, really. Phantoms in the
Phantom Zone. Yeah. It's as weird as it sounds.
- In Metropolis, Chloe
and Lionel get away from the unruly mob. Chloe goes back
to the Daily Planet and runs into Jimmy Olsen, while
Lionel goes back to Smallville to get the anti-Zod dagger
Clark used to kill Brainiac in last season's finale.
- Also in Metropolis, we
learn that Lex/Zod wants to fire up some genocide on the
human race, and is only keeping Lana alive so she can
have millions of Zod's babies. Must everybody
on this freaking show want to knock boots with Lana?
- Martha and Lois's
plane has crashed in the Arctic near the Fortress of
Solitude. Jor-El tells Martha the details of the
situation, and that somebody's gotta kill Lex/Zod since
Clark is up in the Phantom Zone. He poofs her and Lois
back to Smallville, where both Lionel and Lana show up at
around the same time. Lana says, "hey, Zod likes
me," so she figures she's gonna try to introduce
Lex/Zod to the pointy end of the dagger.
- After a battle that
sees Raya slit the throat of Zod's goons and get into a
knife fight with the other, Clark escapes the Phantom
Zone.
- Lana starts seducing
Lex/Zod, then tries to sneak a good stabbing on him.
Lex/Zod is all "not today, honey" and breaks
the dagger like a twig. He fires up a piece of Kryptonian
technology that begins causing worldwide earthquakes,
then goes to snap Lana's neck before he's interrupted by
Clark. Clark smashes the earthquake machine, then ends up
brawling with Lex/Zod up into the air and out into a
forest, where Lex/Zod gets the upper hand. He orders
Clark to swear allegiance to him, but Clark ends up
tricking him into grabbing this protective amulet that
Raya gave him in the Phantom Zone. The amulet - which
looks like the Superman logo, believe it or not - sucks
Zod's presence out of Lex's body and sends him back to
the Phantom Zone.
- At the hospital, Lex
runs into Lana, who's got fresh bandages covering a wound
on her hand caused when Lex/Zod pinned it to a wall with
a sword. He asks if it's his fault, since he's blacked
out pretty much everything since he got imbued with Zod's
essence. In short, her response was, "Kinda,
yeah." They kiss and make up, and really, this whole
relationship has "abusive boyfriend/meek girlfriend
making excuses" painted all over it.
- Also at the hospital,
Lois recalls her half-unconscious journey to the Fortress
of Solitude, which she believes to be a near-death
experience. She and Clark share an awkward moment when
they catch one another holding hands after he tells her
he's relieved that she's okay.
- Speaking of awkward
moments, there's another one when Clark goes to check on
Chloe at the Daily Planet. They start talking about her
kissing him at the end of last season's finale, but get
interrupted by Jimmy, who is apparently going to be her
love interest this season.
- At the barn loft at
the Kent farm, Clark realizes that everything he knows is
different now, and finding his place in the world is
going to be much harder. It doesn't help him that
apparently, Jor-El no longer inhabits the Fortress of
Solitude either. Why, I do not know.
- As the episode comes
to a close, we are left with three things. We learned
earlier in the episode that Lionel's connection to
Jor-El's consciousness had been severed, but we see him
translating Kryptonian symbols in his office
(specifically, the symbol for power). Secondly, Lex
discovers a broken piece of the earthquake machine on his
desk. Thirdly, we see one of the phantoms from the
Phantom Zone flying out of a canyon in Argentina.
So Clark's fought freaks
hopped up on Kryptonite steroids, other Kryptonians, witches,
vampires, and now a ghost from the Phantom Zone? Can't we just
save that for a throwaway Halloween episode like when Lana was a
vampire?
In other news, Jimmy Olsen
made his Smallville debut, as played by Aaron Ashmore,
twin brother of Shawn (Iceman from the X-Men trilogy).
It makes me wonder what other DC characters they can bring in.
The Green Arrow is set to be in seven episodes at least, there's
talk of Michael McKean showing up as Perry White (reprising his
role from a few seasons back), and there's even a rumor going
around that Aquaman, The Flash, and Cyborg are going to show up
one more time to join Clark and Green Arrow as a quasi-Justice
League. Yeah, Cyborg is a Teen Titan, not a member of the Justice
League, but when did Smallville's producers ever let the
comics get in the way of them telling a story?
But the episode was not
bad. Not great, but not awful. It wasn't one of the best episodes
I've seen, but for an episode that tried to wrap up last season's
loose ends and establish something new for this season, I can't
complain. We'll see where this goes next week.
Monday,
September 25, 2006; 4:33 p.m.
I've been talking about it,
and I've finally got it done. That double feature of reviews is
finished, ripe and ready for you readers to check out. For your
approval, I submit my reviews of the 1979 and 2006 versions oif the horror movie When
A Stranger Calls.
Now that I've got them
done, I can finally rid myself of the memory of having seen the
remake. I wish I could kick that movie in the teeth. And the sad
part is that I didn't realize just how awful it was when I first
saw it back in February. Needless to say, I realized my mistake
and was less kind this time around.
So enough of me, go read
the reviews and enjoy.
Do you want to know
something that really stinks? Making a 35-minute trip to
somewhere you didn't know was closed. Me and my usual running
buddy Moses were aiming to head to the drive-in theater in
Harrodsburg to see a double feature of Invincible and The
Wicker Man, but when we got there, nobody was in the box
office and the parking lot was empty. Naturally, we thought
things seemed a little suspicious. So we pulled in anyway and
figured we'd see if anybody was manning the concession stand. The
place was locked up and no lights were on, but someone who'd
pulled in behind us hollered and said they saw somebody behind
the place walking around, so I headed back there to ask what was
up. The guy back there informed me that due to not-so-great
weather, the place wasn't going to be rolling any movies. He also
mentioned that the place would probably be closing for the winter
soon. We left, and needless to say, we were pretty bummed for a
few minutes.
But since there was another
theater a few minutes away over in Danville, we figured we'd just
skip ahead to some of our plans for Tuesday and catch the 9:40
showing of Jackass: Number Two. And folks, this movie
isn't for the squeamish. It's very fitting that John Waters, the
king of cinematic sleaze, has a cameo, because the movie
repeatedly dips into the realm of the scatological with joyful
glee. There's blood, feces (both human and equestrian), a certain
bodily fluid from a horse (no, not urine), and an insane amount
of uncomfortable male nudity. But even at it's most disgusting,
the movie is still perversely funny if you're into frat boy
humor. However, as with the original movie, you'll only enjoy the
sequel if you're a fan of the television show that inspired it.
And truth be told, if you didn't like the show, then you probably
won't be seeing the movie anyway.
Because the movie is
successful in its attempt to both gross out its target audience
as well as make them laugh, I'll give Jackass: Number Two
a solid three and a half stars and a
recommendation only to fans of the show.
I also have to admit that I
really like the five-dollar pizza deal at Little Caesars. I'm
more of a Pizza Hut kind of guy, but you can't beat a pizza
that's cheap and of decent quality. I bring this up because me
and Moses swung by the Harrodsburg Little Caesars before the
movie, since we had two hours to kill until the movie and we were
a little hungry. My only complaint is that Little Caesars is a
carry-out place. I don't necessarily have a problem with that,
but sometimes, I think Little Caesars would do well to put picnic
tables or some benches outside their locations for people who
don't want to take their pizzas and head home right away.
But I don't run the place,
so what do I know?
You know, I never feel
really old until I have to do something regarding my old high
school.
Myself and my usual running
buddy Moses went to our old stomping grounds, Washington County
High School, to attend the football team's homecoming game
against Louisville Christian Academy. The first half wasn't bad
at all, with W.C. leading 13-0 at halftime. But then, as they say
on VH1's Behind The Music, it all came crashing down.
No, Washington County
didn't lose. They didn't even play. After the crowning of the
homecoming king and queen at halftime, the teams returned to the
sidelines, only to leave again after a few minutes. There was
some pretty nasty lightning coming through the area, and I guess
both teams and 99% of the crowd decided to leave and avoid the
weather. Of course, that led me and a few others to joke that
since we only got to see half a game, we should go up to the
ticket booth and ask for half of our money back.
Moses and I hung around for
at least an hour or two with the hopes that the game would get
started again, but we ended up leaving around 10:00 and headed to
Pizza Hut before it closed. Word was that the teams just agreed
to postpone the second half of the game until tomorrow. But screw
that, I'm declaring NASCAR Rules. The game was halfway over and
Washington County was in the lead, so I'm going to call it a win
for us.
A moral victory is still a
victory of some kind. Am I right?
Friday,
September 22, 2006; 1:30 p.m.
I posted last week about
some of my projects, about how I was hoping to do a double
feature of reviews plus a third one. Unfortunately, the third one
has temporarily fallen through due to circumstances beyond my
control. But I'm hoping to get it written whenever I can, and the
double feature is still going to happen regardless. I promise.
As it stands now, I think
my recent review writing binge is going to continue for a while.
I had the idea of jotting down which movies on my Netflix queue
I'd like to write about, but I discovered that it would be just
as easy to make a note of which ones I didn't
want to write about. I think my efforts are going to need to be
halved, otherwise I'll be doing nothing but writing these
reviews. If I were getting paid for it, that'd be one thing. But
it's just a hobby now, so I'll be doing them at my leisure.
But there are quite a few
reviews that I really would like to write. I'd like to do a few
comedies, which will be good because S@TM's sea of reviews could
stand to be a little bit deeper. Man cannot live on horror alone,
can he?
Anyway, I already have the
first review in the double feature finished, but the second one
is going to be as hard to write as the first. I say so because
the movie is so mind-numbingly awful that I'm having a hard time
thinking of ways to insult it. I just can't bring myself to mock
it without getting angry about how bad it is. I'd rather hit
myself in the groin with a sledgehammer than talk about this
movie. It's not as awful as Pulse, but it's still pretty
horrible. And that's one of S@TM's unspoken mission statements: I
watch garbage so you don't have to. Except for Larry the
Cable Guy: Health Inspector. I'm not watching that movie,
even if you paid me.
Which is rather sad,
actually. I'll watch Catwoman, Superman 4, Batman
& Robin, and House of the Dead, but I wouldn't
touch Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector with a
ten-foot pole. And why is that? Because Larry the Cable Guy is
the Antichrist.
That, and I'm just not
ready to add negative stars to my ratings scale.
Saturday,
September 16, 2006; 12:49 p.m.
So here I am looking to
make a post, but I'm completely stumped for topics of discussion.
I had a perfectly good theme lined up and everything, but so help
me, I forgot what it was. Don't you hate when that happens?
But I can think of
something to talk about. Like some of the projects I'm working
on. I finished up a new review Thursday night as part of a double
feature. I haven't started on the second half yet, but depending
on how Netflix decides to work, I may have to put it on hold
temporarily. There's a movie hitting DVD store shelves on Tuesday
that I'd like to review if and when Netflix ships it out to me.
But if they don't, I'll be getting to work on that second review.
So either way, I'm getting another review written. Whether it's
two or three when I get them all posted, we'll see.
I have to admit that the
first review was a real chore to write after a while. The deeper
I got into it, the less I wanted to write. Not because I didn't
want to write, but because I just didn't want to talk about the
movie anymore. The sheer nonsense that was the movie sucked out
part of my soul, and if I was a lesser man, the entire review
probably would have consisted of a picture of me sitting in a
corner curled up in the fetal position, sobbing my eyes out. It
would look kinda like that scene from Ace Ventura: Pet
Detective where Jim Carrey freaks out after discovering Sean
Young's deep dark secret. Maybe not 100% like that, but almost.
It'll probably be the same
way when it comes to writing the second review. I've only seen
the movie once a few months ago, but I remember it being nothing
short of mediocre, with a main character so stupid that it's
almost offensive. Hopefully it isn't as awful the second time
around.
I'm going to wrap this up
here. Perhaps more later, if I have something to say. Ciao.
Tuesday,
September 12, 2006; 6:49 p.m.
Moses, my sister Bet, and
myself all got together this afternoon so we could take in a
movie. I got put in charge of picking what we saw, so I decided
upon Hollywoodland. We had to drive all the way up to
Lexington to see it, but since we had to go up there to run some
errands anyway, so that was no big deal.
Unfortunately, our opinions
of the movie were decidedly mixed. Moses fell asleep two or three
times, Bet didn't like it (claiming that she had no clue what was
going on), and I thought it was great.
The movie centers around a
private investigator (played by Adrien Brody) following a trail
of clues that hint actor George Reeves was murdered, not a victim
of suicide as claimed. In a subplot running concurrently, we
follow Reeves (played by Ben Affleck) through flashbacks on his
road to stardom as Superman and his eventual death, along with
his affair with Toni Mannix (played by Diane Lane), the wife of
powerful movie studio executive Eddie Mannix (played by Bob
Hoskins).
Personally, I found the
movie to be a very intriguing, very engrossing modern film noir.
Each performance is exemplary (especially Affleck, believe it or
not), and Allen Coulter's direction is sound. Though the movie
relies almost too heavily on flashbacks and seemingly runs a wee
bit too long despite clocking in at only two hours, six minutes, Hollywoodland
is an interesting look into the seedy underbelly of Hollywood's
golden days. My final verdict: four stars and a
big thumbs up. Go check it out, if it's playing around you.
Friday,
September 8, 2006; 4:39 p.m.
Going back to the well,
I've got one more movie review up for you faithful readers. Want
to know what it is? Do you? Huh?
Well, I'll tell you. This
time around it's the British horror film The Descent. If you haven't gotten a chance to
see the movie, you're really missing out on an awesome movie.
But it doesn't stop there.
I've got another one or two more reviews I've put some thought
into writing, and hopefully they'll be done by the end of the
month. I'm not giving myself a particular time table because I
like to work slowly, but I'm hoping to have at least one done by
then.
I was going through some of
my older posts the other day, and I wasn't exactly thrilled with my recap of the first episode of Who
Wants To Be A Superhero? I was a little harsh regarding the
episode, and besides, I only covered the second half of it. So
via the magic of the Internet (and my favorite peer-to-peer
downloading program), we're going back in time to review the
premiere episode of my favorite new reality show.
We open with our friendly
neighborhood announcer explaining the show's concept: comic book
legend Stan Lee is searching for "the next great
superhero." After an extensive casting call featuring
would-be contestants pitching a character of their own invention,
the twelve contestants selected will be tested on their superhero
mettle. And the ultimate prize: immortality. The winner receives
a comic book written by Stan The Man and published by Dark Horse
Comics, along with their own "Sci-Fi Channel Original"
movie.
After clips of the
auditions, we are introduced to the contestants:
- Tobias Trost -
"Levity"
- Jonathan Finestone -
"Rotiart"
- Tonya Kay -
"Creature"
- Chris Watters -
"Major Victory"
- Steel Chambers -
"The Iron Enforcer"
- Mary Votava -
"Monkey Woman"
- Nell Wilson -
"Fat Momma"
- Darren Passarello -
"Nitro G"
- Chelsea Weld -
"Cell Phone Girl"
- Matthew Atherton -
"Feedback"
- E. Quincy Sloan -
"Ty'veculus"
- Tonatzin Mondragon -
"Lemuria"
Once all of our heroes have
arrived, they get to know one another. And by "get to know
one another," I mean "do a conga line." I wish I
was making that up. Once everyone got there, they had a few
drinks and decided to party. But right when everybody starts
having fun, Stan The Man pops up on a monitor and decides to play
the role of the party pooper.
I just have to quote Stan,
because this is too good:
"Hold it
there! This is serious business! Don't you realize what
you're there for? We're looking for the next superhero! I
spent my life creating superheroes, and they don't act like
that!"
You tell 'em, Stan!
Anyway, Stan pops up to
announce that the heroes will be moving out of their current
location and into a secret lair. He tells them he's arranged for
them to travel in something "very inconspicuous," but
he and I must have a different definition of that word, because
he has them picked up by one of those stretch Hummer limousines.
Oh, that's totally inconspicuous. Nobody would ever notice a
bunch of people in spandex outfits wheeling around in a tank.
The twelve heroes are
immediately taken aback by their new lair, because on the
outside, it looks like a run-down warehouse in the middle of the
ghetto. They're not even sure if it's the right place until they
open up the front door and see Stan's grinning mug on a monitor.
He confirmed that this was their destination after all, but
announced that one of them would not be allowed inside. That
piece of news also came with the revelation that one of the
contestants is one of Stan's assistants, a spy enlisted to weed
out the least worthy superhero.
Each of them made
accusations, before Rotiart proclaimed that his name is
"traitor" spelled backwards. Well, gee, isn't that
convenient. It does make sense that he'd be the spy, since he
didn't seem all that interested in interacting with the others.
It didn't help that he wasn't in the opening credits, either.
Rotiart informed the others that he'd been taping the others with
a hidden camera (as opposed to the other cameras sitting out in
the open filming them?), and found three contestants whose
intentions he'd found to be a little suspect.
First up was Levity, who
builds customized action figures and thinks one of himself could
make boatloads of money if he wins. Secondly was Creature, who
was being way too flirty with a number
of the male heroes, which Stan thought made her look like she was
just there to hook up. And thirdly was Iron Enforcer, who had no
problem boasting about how deadly he was. All three were put up
on the chopping block, but Stan decided that it was Levity who
would be the first to turn in his costume. Rotiart escorted him
away, and Stan allowed the remaining ten into the lair.
The place doesn't look like
much when they enter, and the freight elevator they have to take
looks like it'd crash at any minute, but their lair isn't as bad
as the exterior. It's actually pretty ritzy, believe it or not.
Stan called them into the dining room and informed them that
since he could not test their powers, he would test them on their
values. He gave each of them a communicator so he could speak to
them personally, and told them that the day ahead would be a big
one.
The reason it was such a
big day is because it marked their first challenge. One at a
time, the superheroes were to change from their civilian clothes
into their superhero costumes in an inconspicuous location, then
race across a town plaza to a designated checkpoint. They
originally believed it was a test of speed, but there was a
catch. There's always a catch. As the heroes ran through the
plaza, they'd have to run past a lost little girl crying for her
mother. Unbeknownst to the heroes, she was their real objective.
Those who stopped to check on her passed, while those who didn't
failed.
Of the ten heroes, only
four (Fat Momma, Cell Phone Girl, Lemuria, and Major Victory)
stopped to check on the girl. What kind of hero ignores a crying
child? I'd buy Iron Enforcer ignoring her, because he looks like
the kind of superhero that would be way too focused on kicking
the everloving snot out of a supervillain. That poor crying child
would probably be caught up in the crossfire and collateral
damage and whatnot. And I will have to give Monkey Woman style
points, for staying in character by climbing a tree in order to
change her costume.
Stan dropped the bombshell
about the little girl after each had finished, then called them
all back to the lair, where they would meet on the roof at their
normal chopping block. This time around, he first called up Nitro
G, citing his failure to change into his costume conspicuously,
as he instead opted to do it out where he could be easily seen.
He even called Nitro G down for grinning with embarrassment
("Stop smiling! This is very serious."). Second up was
Monkey Woman, who Stan thought actually saw the little girl but
kept running anyway. And lastly was Iron Enforcer, whose violent
tendencies still didn't sit well with Stan.
Each of them was given an
opportunity to explain why they shouldn't be cut. Each of them
explained that they simply didn't pay any attention to her, and
all three asked for a second chance. But somebody has to go, and
that somebody is Nitro G. Stan asked him to turn in his costume,
and wished the remaining nine the best of luck. Roll credits.
Thus endeth the debut
episode of Who Wants To Be A Superhero?. Personally, I
thought the show drastically improved after this episode, because
this one seemed like they were still working out all the kinks.
It also helped that we really started getting to know the
contestants in the second episode, since we really didn't know
any of them. Especially Levity, considering he only lasted
halfway into the episode.
I'll admit that I wasn't
100% sold upon seeing this episode the first time. But as I tuned
in the next week and the week after that, it really began to grow
on me. It helped that I thought the contestants were quite
entertaining too, which is an important part of any show.
And now it's back to
waiting for Season Two. If there is one, I'll see you back here
then. Until then, true believers, excelsior.
A friend of the blog wrote
a post yesterday about the various writing talent of her
associates, and among the items spoken of was a certain attempt
at a screenplay written by yours truly. I figure that now is a
good time as any to talk about the status of that project.
To tell you the truth, I
haven't touched it in quite some time. I don't have any
particular direction I'm aiming for, nor can I think of any way
to connect the one or two scenes I've managed to think up. Maybe
I'm going about this all wrong. I don't have a set outline I want
to follow, and I don't have any sort of resolutions I'm aiming
for at this juncture in the process. I'm just writing Scene #1,
Scene #2, Scene #3, and so on, making it all up in my head as I
go along. (And I'm not making up much, since I'm stuck on Scene
#3 with no clue where to go next.)
Sometimes I wonder if
writing this script is what I've been put here to do. I've wanted
to do something like this for the longest time, but it isn't
coming as naturally as I thought it would. Is it supposed to be
this hard? Perhaps it's my severe lack of life experience.
Perhaps it's the fact that I've seen so many movies that I can't
think of any way to do a scene without doing it like something
else. I don't know.
But as I said, I just
wonder if this is what I should be doing. My self-depriciating
comments regarding my writing talent merely echo my own fears.
I've gotten the reviews thing down pat, and I love doing those.
But when it comes to the script, I don't know what I'm doing or
how to knock it out when I do know. This is something I've wanted
to forever, and now that I've finally made an attempt, it's not
what I thought it would be. I may put it on hold until I can
acquire some material to work with. Might take months, might take
years. I don't know.
Why can't this writing
thing come with an instruction manual or a road map or something?
It's odd how things can go
sometimes. I was talking about how boring my weekend was on
Sunday, then I have all kinds of activities to partake in
yesterday and today. I'm so tired I can barely type this, but I'm
going to tough it out.
Let's start with Monday,
shall we? Myself, Moses, and our Lawrenceburg peeps Tiff and
Jennifer went to Frankfort for what was originally concieved as a
trip to see either Beerfest or The Wicker Man.
There was no movie, as the trip ended up with us making a stop at
Pizza Hut before going bowling. The sign in front of the bowling
alley advertised 99-cent games between 3:00 and 7:00, so we
totally took advantage of that. And even with the gutter bumpers
in play (since gutter balls totally suck), I never broke 100.
Though we all hovered somewhere between 80 and 100, to be honest.
After the bowling, we headed back to Jennifer's house to watch Monday
Night Raw, and I finally got back home at midnight. So a
long and tiring, yet fun, day.
Which brings us to today.
Moses and I headed up to Lexington for the 1:20 showing of Beerfest,
and both of us really liked it. Both of us are fans of the Broken
Lizard troupe, and I personally don't feel disappointed at all.
The tale can be explained relatively quickly: Two brothers
recruit a team to participate in the underground Olympics of
drinking games during Oktoberfest, so they can defeat a team of
Germans and defend the honor of their deceased great-grandfather.
So as you can assume, nearly the whole thing is comprised of
jokes involving beer. There's so many beer jokes, in fact, that
the movie opened with a "don't try this at home"
warning. Outside of the Jackass movies, I can't think of
one movie that's featured one of those.
I enjoyed Broken Lizard's
characters (especially Jay Chandrasekhar), but I really loved the
German team. I'm a fan of Eric Christian Olsen and Saturday
Night Live cast member Will Forte, and them alone makes me
hope that the German team will have more screen time in the
inevitable unrated DVD. I also got quite a laugh out of the
numerous references to movies like Predator, An
American Werewolf in London, and Broken Lizard's own Super
Troopers, and even Jürgen Prochnow making a "wink
wink, nudge nudge" reference to his starring role in Das
Boot.
Like I said, I'm a Broken
Lizard fan, and I laughed my head off throughout Beerfest.
I'm going to agree with what Libby said and give it three and a
half stars. I approve.
After the movie, we made a
stop at White Castle for some lunch, then headed over to Fayette
Mall for a few hours of window shopping. The only real bad part
of window shopping is that I always end up finding stuff I like
but can't afford. I hate when that happens. But after a long day
of moviegoing and hanging around a mall, we rolled back home at
somewhere around 9:00. Good day, it was.
And I'm out of here for
now. Back again some other time.
Sunday,
September 3, 2006; 8:19 p.m.
I hope everybody is having
a great Labor Day weekend. Things are moving kind of slowly here.
The sky's been kinda gloomy and it's looked like it was going to
rain all weekend, so things have been moving slower than usual.
That's the biggest reason I'm posting despite having nothing to
talk about. I needed to stave off boredom for a few more minutes.
I don't know what kind of
plans I have for tomorrow, but most of my recent plans have been
spur of the moment anyway. I'm sure something, anything will come
up. Even if it doesn't, I can keep myself busy by working on a
new review for Sutton At The Movies. I'm halfway through one, and
I have one or two more I'm considering doing soon. See what
happens when I break my hiatus from reviewing? I do one, and it
snowballs from there.
And that's all I've got.
Out.
Thursday,
August 31, 2006; 10:04 p.m.
This is it, folks.
Tonight's the last episode of the first season of Who Wants
To Be A Superhero?, along with my last review until season
two starts. We're down to the wire, so let's see how things turn
out.
As we saw last week,
Feedback and Fat Momma are our finalists. We open with them
preparing breakfast, when Stan The Man pops up on a monitor and
announces that the two remaining heroes would be learning how to
fly. They were taken to what Feedback described as a
"superhero fantasy camp," where they were introduced to
a stunt coordinator that worked on the Spider-Man movies and
hooked up to a harness for some wirework. After enjoying that for
a little while, they moved into some fight coordination
(including a mock fight between them) before jumping off a big
swing in front of a green screen. Well, Feedback did some jumps,
but Fat Momma chickened out because she was scared of getting
hurt. Can't really hold that against her, because I probably
would have been the same way. They wrapped up with a little
flying in front of the green screen, then headed back to the
lair.
At the lair, Stan spoke to
Fat Momma and Feedback seperately, asking each of them who their
hero was. Feedback answered with Stan Lee himself, as he drew
much inspiration from Stan's comics after his dad died.
Meanwhile, Fat Momma's hero was her own ailing father. The two
interviews were rather short, so we quickly transitioned to the
final elimination ceremony. But instead of being held on the
rooftop as usual, it was held in front of an audience at the
CityWalk at Universal Studios Hollywood.
Both Fat Momma and Feedback
were introduced to the audience with mock movie trailers filmed
at the superhero fantasy camp earlier in the episode. They were
pretty much the two heroes doing some goofy scenes and
interacting with stock footage from Sci-Fi Channel productions,
with Dark Enforcer making cameos in both of the trailers. And if
you ask me, both of them were hilariously lame, but Fat Momma's
was way worse.
We went to a commercial
break after their introductions, and when we returned, Stan
proclaimed it was time to announce who the last superhero to turn
in their costume would be. And the final loser was... Fat Momma.
That, of course, means Feedback is your winner. Fat Momma gave
him a congratulatory speech that sounded like it was written on
cue cards, and turned in her costume. Their families and the
contestants eliminated previously all came out to congratulate
them (even Dark Enforcer, who apparently returned to his old Iron
Enforcer gimmick), and even Stan Lee showed up to congratulate
Feedback in person. Roll credits.
So the first season has
ended, and Feedback is "the next great superhero." It's
too bad I'm not around any comic book shops, because I would buy
at least the first issue of Feedback's comic. And I'm looking
forward to seeing how his movie turns out too. I'll admit that
Feedback wasn't my first choice or even my second one, but I'm
satisfied with him being the winner. It definitely beats Fat
Momma, in any event.
I'm looking forward to
season two, should Stan Lee and the Sci-Fi Channel decide to do
it. And I'd totally watch it, because I'm having fun doing these
little recaps. But until then, true believers, excelsior.
I headed out to the theater
with my usual partner in crime Moses, and finally got around to
seeing two movies I'd been planning on checking out. The fun part
of seeing two movies that have been out for a while on a late
Monday afternoon means that very few people will be out seeing
movies. So what did that mean for us? Moses and I are the only
ones in the theater for both movies.
First up was the 4:55
showing of Accepted. The movie, about a crew of misfits
that start a fake college after each get rejected by every other
school they applied to, wasn't too bad at all. It's not a
classic, but it has a lot of laughs while making me wish that my
school had been like that. Accepted made me laugh, and
Lewis Black is exceptionally great, so I'll give the movie a
solid three stars.
We followed that up with
the 7:30 showing of Snakes on a Plane. Every good thing
you've heard about Snakes is absolutely true. It's
typical B-movie fare, but it's just so much fun that even the bad
is good. I enjoyed the movie so much that I felt exhausted after
watching it, no lie. Quite a few jump scares, entertaining
performances, snakes upon snakes upon snakes on a plane, I
couldn't help being felt like I'd been on a rollercoaster ride of
a movie. And because it exceeds all the expectations I had for
it, Snakes on a Plane gets four stars
and the Sutton At The Movies seal of approval. Go see it if you
haven't yet.
And that's all for this
episode. Out.
Libby's breaking her movie
rental moratorium, so I might as well break my writing moratorium
while we're at it.
I've got a new entry for
the Sutton At The Movie archives, one I've been looking to do for
a few months now. And now that the DVD is out, I figure now is as
good a time as any to work up my review of Silent Hill. So check it out, won't you?
Welcome back to the show.
I'd have probably posted this last night, but I didn't get home
until somewhere in the neighborhood of 2:00 or 2:15 in the
morning, and I headed directly to bed right after that.
Myself, Moses, and some of
his co-workers went up to the state fair last night, mainly to
check out the free Dwight Yoakam concert at Cardinal Stadium, the
football/baseball stadium next to the fairgrounds. The show
started at 8:00 (though people had been lining up as early as
3:30), with Exile as the opening act. I'd heard of Exile, though
I only know of exactly one of their songs (which is pushing
thirty years old, if I have my facts straight). They did put on a
fun, entertaining show, wrapping up as the sun set around 9:00.
From there, we segue into
an intermission. I should point out that during the intermission,
random country music was played over the P.A. system, and at one
point, they played Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line." And
believe it or not, that got some of the loudest cheers of the
night, no lie.
After the intermission, the
headliner took the stage at right around 9:30. I'll admit to not
being quite familiar with Yoakam's music either (I only knew
three of his songs prior to last night), but it was so much fun
that I don't know if I can really put it into words. He played a
lot of his own stuff, a little segment of Buck Owens covers, his
cover of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire," then wrapped up
with a little bluegrass before leaving the stage and eventually
coming back for an encore.
Yoakam's set was great, but
unfortunately, the majority of the crowd left halfway through
because of how late in the evening it was getting. Some people
just can't afford to sit all the way through a concert that ends
super-late on a Monday night. Perhaps if Yoakam had got up on
stage a little bit earlier, more people would have seen the whole
show.
The last two days have been
a lot of fun, even when you consider I'm weak as a kitten and I
have a blister on one of my toes. I hadn't been to the state fair
in five or six years, and if it weren't for the traffic and the
crowd, I should really do that again next year.
Monday, August
21, 2006; 11:33 p.m
Okay, folks, this might be
a short one because I'm worn out beyond belief. I should probably
be asleep, but eh, screw it.
Myself, my usual partner in
crime Moses, his mom, aunt, and cousin Amber, her brother's
on-again/off-again lady friend Roberta, and Amber's infant
daughter headed up to Louisville for the Kentucky State Fair. The
place looked like it was a combination of a huge, big-budget flea
market and a southern county fair, as one would expect from
Kentucky's state fair. The crowd was enormous, too. But still, we
had an absolute ball. And I also discovered that vanilla fudge is
delicious, and that scratch-off lottery tickets can be addictive
if you let yourself get too into them.
I unfortunately didn't get
to ride any of the rides on the midway (or at the adjacent Six
Flags Kentucky Kingdom), but they didn't open up until 4:00
anyway, and since I'd been there since 10:30 or so, I was so
tired that I probably wouldn't have enjoyed any roller coasters.
Truth be told, I'm not going to lose any sleep over that.
And that's about it. Out
for now.
I promised it, so I figure
now is as good a time as any to do my weekly Who Wants To Be
A Superhero? post. If you're gonna complain, you can just go
somewhere else.
This week's episode opens
up with Stan The Man commissioning the five remaining heroes out
to do good deeds around the neighborhood. Major Victory jokingly
stops a guy to tell him that the sack he's carrying doesn't match
his outfit (recommending that the guy should wear some spandex
like him) before helping some little old ladies across the
street, Fat Momma stopped a cop from issuing a parking ticket
because he was illegally parked himself, Lemuria yelled at a
trucker who didn't use his turn signals, Feedback sent some
jaywalkers to a crosswalk, and Creature stopped a litterbug and
handed out clothes to some homeless people.
Stan congratulated them on
their good deeds back at the lair, but then Dark Enforcer shows
up on another television screen and informs everyone that he dug
up some dirty little secrets about everyone. He then proceeds to
roll some interviews with various persons from each hero's life,
in which we learn:
- Creature, who's
usually environmentally friendly, was once a litterbug.
Her best friend told a story of how she once threw some
items out a hotel room window into a fountain.
- Feedback is a bit of a
neat freak, but was revealed by his wife to be
"messy," "inconsiderate," and "a
slob." She also suggested he rename himself
"Capatin Clutter" after showing off his messy
home office.
- Fat Momma's mother
revealed that she was not always satisfied with her size,
stating that Fat Momma has been on a few diets.
- Major Victory
apparently has the nickname "Thongman,"
according to a former co-worker from the stripping
business.
- And finally, a friend
of Lemuria's claimed that she used to dance on tabletops
at bars. Personally, my guess is that she's just a fan of
Coyote Ugly. There's nothing wrong with that, is
there?
Anyway, it's the mid-point
of the episode, which means it's now time for an elimination.
Major Victory, Fat Momma, and Creature were all called down to
the chopping block. Stan said that he already knew going in that
Major Victory is a former stripper, but was bothered by the fact
that he was seemingly removing articles of clothing on a regular
basis, citing how he removed his cape and covered a puddle while
helping the little old ladies across the street.
He also believed that Fat
Momma's past diets went against her statements that she was
satisfied with her weight, while Creature was up for elimination
due to her friend's accusations of littering and the fact that
she jaywalked (and thus broke the law) during their good deeds
earlier. Creature was unfortunately eliminated, and as she turned
in her costume, she dared the four remaining heroes to "live
hard, love harder, and be brave."
At lunch later, Stan
announced that their next challenge was going to be rough: they
would have to interact with convicted felons. Each superhero
would be given a covert task they would have to do in order to
succeed in their challenge:
- Brush the hair out of
an inmate's hair three times (which Fat Momma claimed).
- Sit in an inmate's lap
for exactly ten seconds (which Lemuria claimed).
- Rub an inmate's
shoulders three times (which Major Victory claimed).
- Hug an inmate three
times (which Feedback claimed).
Each signed a liability
waiver, freeing the guards from lawsuits should the heroes be
hurt, killed, or put in a hostage situation. The head guard asked
if they had any questions, and Major Victory quipped, "They
know this isn't a conjugal visit by me, right?" Without
missing a beat, the guard came right back with something to the
effect of, "I know that, but I don't know if they do."
Lemuria went in first, and
met a female inmate named Dot. And to be truthful, Dot looks like
a very scary, butch version of Aileen Wuornos. After pretty much
being insulted and called an idiot in a stupid costume, Lemuria
tried to hop in the inmate's lap. Big mistake. Dot immediately
pushed her away and complained to the guard, who escorted Lemuria
away. So that's a big failure. It was then time for Fat Momma to
go in, and though Dot still thought the whole thing was a big
joke, she still managed to succeed in brushing away her hair
three times.
The guys were up next, and
they got to interact with a big male convict named Terry. The guy
must weigh at least 350 pounds if he weighed an ounce, and he's
doing a life sentence for four murders. So he's a bad dude. Major
Victory went in to speak to Terry first, and sneakily managed to
work in his three massages by trying to talk the guy into sitting
down and talking to him. He wouldn't sit down, but Major Victory
succeeded, so he pretty much took his win and backed off.
Feedback wrapped things up,
and convinced the lead guard to remove Terry's handcuffs as a
sign of trust. (The guard got in another zinger after uncuffing
Terry: "Now you're gonna see an ass-whoopin' on live
TV.") Feedback tried to make a connection to Terry,
empathizing with him that both of their fathers had suffered
tragic deaths (Terry's was killed, Feedback's committed suicide).
That opened Terry up, and when Feedback offered to keep in touch
with him during his prison term, Feedback managed to work in all
three hugs.
From here, we hit the home
stretch. Stan was proud of Major Victory and Feedback for
accomplishing their tasks the way they did, but had to call both
Major Victory and Lemuria up to the chopping block; Lemuria
because she barely even got her task started, and Major Victory
because he just couldn't keep his costume on, having taken his
cape and gloves off because he thought Terry would open up to him
easier that way. But because of her failure, Lemuria was asked to
turn in her costume.
As the episode wrapped up,
Major Victory promised to keep his clothes on unless he has to
make a deposit at the First National Porcealin Bank, while
Feedback made an emotional speech that he wanted to make Stan
proud. Because his father was never around, Feedback looked to
Spider-Man comics as a way to escape from the rough time, and
that he's tried to live up to Spidey's ideals ever since. Stan
said that he didn't know if he was worthy of that distinction,
but he was proud to have it. Roll credits.
This week's episode was
good. Dark Enforcer's antics while the secrets were being
revealed (waving a dollar bill at Major Victory, helping himself
to a doughnut after Fat Momma's segment) were great, while
Feedback made himself look like a real contender in the second
challenge. I don't know if he was putting on a show for Stan The
Man in order to stave off elimination, but he really did take one
big heroic step forward in the contest.
What I'm really looking
forward to is next week's episode. Major Victory, Fat Momma, and
Feedback speak to some kids at a school, while there's an
elimination that appears to be so dramatic, it even makes Stan
cry. There's only three heroes left, so we're entering the home
stretch next week. I'll be there, will you?
Thursday,
August 17, 2006; 8:52 p.m.
Well, well, well... look
who's here. Fancy meeting you in this neck of the woods. You want
to hang out for a while, while I do this post? You do? Cool.
Truth be told, I don't
really have anything off the top of my head for this post; I just
felt like wasting a little time in front of the computer. But
I've found that sometimes, the more entertaining posts are the
ones where I don't really have any particular direction that I'd
like to take things in.
But I'd kinda like to take
this one somewhere. There's a few topics that could work, but not
a lot of them really click right now. But there is one I've been
thinking about today.
Myself and Libby were
discussing the names of comic book characters and how they would
sound as a child's name. Don't ask me how that got started,
because I'm not 100% sure either. But we were talking abou it, so
whatever. Anyway, I mentioned a couple, particularly Gwen Stacy
and Mary Jane Watson. Libby liked the idea of "Gwen Stacy
Sutton" and "Mary Jane Sutton," and I can't
disagree. But just my luck, little M.J. would would take her name
to heart, start dating a pothead, and drive her poor father up a
wall.
Libby also likes Shayera
and Felicia Hardy, and after I thought of it, she liked Selina
Kyle too. I like those names too, but like Libby said last night,
a little girl named Hardy would probably question the sanity of
her parents for giving her a name like that. Though it's no worse
than celebrity kids like Audio Science Clayton, Pilot Inspektor
Lee, or Apple Martin.
Yeah, it may sound kinda
girly to think of baby names and whatnot, but when you have
plenty of time on your hands like yours truly, you tend to do any
sort of activity to occupy yourself. Besides, you never know when
that sort of thing just might come in handy.
And that's all I've got for
this go-around. I should be back later with my Who Wants To
Be A Superhero? thoughts, so until then, true believers,
excelsior.
Monday, August
14, 2006; 5:32 p.m.
Let's kill a little time on
a lazy Monday, shall we? I mean, I'm here, you're here, the blog
is here, so why don't we make the most of it and get to know one
another a little better.
Even though it isn't until
the second day of November, I've been thinking a lot about how
far this little corner of the World Wide Web has come along since
it was first concieved in a college dorm room five years ago.
From its humble beginnings over on Tripod as a ripoff of my
neighbor Kenny's blog in 2001, to the one-post-a-month period
I've dubbed "The Dead Zone" in 2002, to the birth of
Sutton At The Movies and the rise of the Delphi Blog Nation in
2003, to hitting my stride as a movie reviewer in 2004, to
finding a little more maturity and talent as a blog caretaker in
2005, and the journey to Blogger this year, the evolution of The
Matt Sutton Experience has been fun. Though to be totally honest,
I'm surprised I've made it five years on this wild and wacky
thing. (And I can't believe Sutton At The Movies has been around
for three years, but that's a different story). But it's been an
entertaining five years come November, and here's to five more.
You know, it seems like
I've done this post before, and I just know I'll end up repeating
it again when the big day arrives. But I won't complain if you
don't. ;)
Went and saw the 10:00 show
of Pulse in Frankfort. It's the latest in the line of
remakes of Asian horror movies, and it's one major letdown.
Basically, imagine the
washed-out color template of The Ring, the "evil
Internet" theme of FearDotCom with a dash of the
"ghost communication via electronics" from White
Noise, a nonsensical script, and a whole bunch of red
electrical tape thrown together. That's what Pulse
looked like to me. Really, any progress that The Ring, The
Grudge, or Dark Water made in convincing people
that PG-13 J-Horror remakes are any good was nearly completely
dashed away from the total mess that is Pulse.
And I really hope that Wes
Craven's name is only attached to the writing credits for legal
reasons, because if I were him, I'd have fought to get an Alan
Smithee credit. (Then again, there was the whole "Wes Craven
presents" credit in front of They, and what I've
seen of that wasn't very impressive at all.) The script shows too
much ambition for its own good, as it doesn't have anything
really going for it. The ending is stupendously preposterous, the
reasons behind the ghost attacks left me incredibly unsatisfied,
there's very little suspense or tension, and frankly, the movie
just didn't really frighten me at all (outside of one good jump
scare).
Pulse fails as
both a horror movie and an indictment of society's dependence on
technology. It's not scary, it's not suspensful, and it doesn't
take the chance to truly dig deep into the seperation that is
caused by technology that was designed to connect us to one
another. The cast isn't bad, but the horrible screenplay doesn't
inject their characters with any sort of personality or reasons
to make us the viewer want to see them live or die. We don't know
who these characters are, we don't know what makes them tick or
recognize any quirky personality traits. They just go through the
motions, and likewise, so do the actors portraying them. No-name
director Jim Sonzero also doesn't help matters much, as he
apparently doesn't quite understand that making the movie look
washed out and desaturated of most of its color does not make a
tense atmosphere in and of itself.
Really, Pulse
doesn't have much going on at all. It's obviously been neutered
in order to earn the now-dreaded PG-13 rating. While I'm sure
horror movies can still manage to have a few scares while
maintaining a PG-13, Pulse is not one of them. It's
poorly-executed disposable junk, for which Pulse gets a two
out of five on the Sutton Scale. I plan on renting the
original Japanese version sometime, and I hope this embarassing
remake is not indicitive of its quality.
And to think, I could have
put that $6.50 to better use and seen The Descent a
second time.
I don't feel like waiting
until next week to do it, and I'm in a posting mood, so why don't
we talk about last night's episode of Who Wants To Be A
Superhero? while we're here enjoying our time together.
Last week's episode (which
I discussed this past Wednesday) saw the elimination and
subsequent turn to villainy of Iron Enforcer, now given the new
moniker of "The Dark Enforcer." This week's episode
began with him making his presence known to the other seven
superheroes, which made me chuckle thanks to Ty'veculus
exclaiming, "What is this treachery?!" That one line
was so over the top that it seemed like he'd been waiting to say
it since the show started.
So anyway, now that he's
gotten that little piece of business out of the way, it's time
for the episode's first challenge. Each of the heroes is given
twenty bucks and is sent to a local café one at a time, with the
assumption that their choices for lunch would be judged on their
superheroic worthiness. After everyone makes their purchases and
returns to base, Stan Lee and Dark Enforcer revealed that just
because the camera crew wasn't following them into the café
doesn't mean they weren't being watched. That's when they
informed the heroes of the challenge's true intent: the camera
crew didn't follow them, which was to lull them into a false
sense of security and see if the heroes would reveal their secret
identities to the actors playing their friendly waiter or
waitress. And on that note, Dark Enforcer rolled footage from
hidden cameras that had been set up.
The only superheroes that
managed to pass were Feedback and Fat Momma, while everyone else
gladly gave their real names after a little prodding. But guess
who flunked the challenge worst of all? Monkey Woman. Not only
did she give away her real name without even being asked, but she
offered her waiter a list of websites on how to break into the
acting business. Of course, ol' Stan The Man didn't take too
kindly to that. He called Monkey Woman alone to the chopping
block for the middle-of-the-episode elimination, and grilled her
about those websites. She confessed to being an actress, which
surprised Stan because she said she was a real estate investor
during her audition for the show. So if you said that Stan cut
her, an winner is you and a loser is Monkey Woman. And I had such
high hopes for her.
At this point in the
discussion, I should point out that according to her MySpace blog, although Mary "Monkey
Woman" Votava has had a few acting roles, she really does
work as a real estate investor so she can pay the bills. And
apparently, Stan wasn't aware of her acting experience. If they
do a season two, maybe someone should point Stan in the direction
of IMDB. That is, unless the producers wanted some actors in
order to put a dramatic spin on certain portions of the show. I
mean, with a few exceptions, almost everyone on the show has been
in a movie, had a few guest spots on TV shows, or both. Eh, what
can you do?
So anyway, back to the
show. So we've had our first elimination of the episode, and it's
time for the next challenge. They were taken to the roof of their
lair, where there's a damsel in distress on the roof next door.
Each superhero was supposed to cross a beam bridging the alley
between the two rooftops, then bring the woman back across. And
to throw a wrench into the gears, Dark Enforcer gets the bright
idea to put blindfolds on everybody before hitting the beam. So
similar to last week, we get a test of bravery.
But once again, there's a
catch. Turns out none of them left their particular roof at all.
With the blindfolds in place, each of them actually crossed a
beam situated on their own roof. And the damsel in distress they
picked up at the end of the beam? The twin sister of the damsel
next door. And believe it or not, every single superhero passed
the test for a change.
Since everyone succeeded in
the challenge, Stan called everyone together to inform them of a
new challenge. The new challenge: to show them how difficult his
job is, he asked everyone to nominate one of their fellow heroes
for elimination. Creature nominated herself right away, stating
that she didn't think she was as heroic as the others. Major
Victory, Feedback, and Lemuria all did the same, each with
reasons similar to Creature's. Ty'veculus nominated Lemuria,
thanks to questions he had regarding her emotions and motives.
And though she didn't want to name names at first, Fat Momma
picked Feedback because of her belief that he's too hard on
himself.
Up on the rooftop for the
second elimination, there was once again a little more to the
challenge than originally believed. Stan revealed that the
"pick a teammate" test was to see who among the heroes
would essentially take a bullet for the others. Noting that he
wasn't going to question anyone's motives regarding picking
themselves, he called both Fat Momma and Ty'veculus up to the
chopping block. Stan pointed out that although Fat Momma failed
the challenge, he believed that she picked Feedback because she
was concerned for his well-being, while he also believed that
Ty'veculus's motives were not as noble. And thus, Ty'veculus was
asked to turn in his costume.
As episode three came to a
close, we end with Fat Momma claiming that she thought everyone
else was being less than genuine while picking themselves, with
Lemuria stating in an interview that Stan will have to try harder
to "psych [her] out" and that she plans on staying in
the game no matter what.
That was quite an episode.
As I said, Monkey Woman getting eliminated for being an actress
is a little odd, considering that pretty much everybody on the
show is an actor. But I guess that's the way things have to be.
The show was taped back in May anyway, so it's not like anybody
can fill some sort of grievance or anything. And I'm still
cheering for Major Victory, whose comic I would totally buy if I
got the opportunity.
Next week's episode looks
really good, so let's see what happens then, shall we?
Friday, August
11, 2006; 10:43 p.m.
Me, my dad and sister, and
my regular partner in crime all headed to the Danville cineplex
tonight for the 7:35 showing of the British horror flick The
Descent tonight, and it was an experience.
The story centers around
six women as they explore an uncharted cave in the North Carolina
mountains. And as they get deeper and deeper into their
surroundings, things get a wee bit more hairy as they run into a
bunch of hideous bloodthirsty chuds that live in the subterranean
depths of the cave. The plot is very, very similar to The
Cave, but The Descent does it better.
The outdoor scenes before
the spelunkers enter the cave look like the colors have been
washed out, seemingly beset upon by a grey/white haze that gives
these scenes an eerie dreamlike quality. On the other hand, the
scenes in the cave are lit either by flashlights or green and
orange chemical sticks, or by the occasional night-vision thanks
to the viewfinder of one character's camcorder. The lighting (or
lack thereof) not only makes it easier for things to pop out of
the darkness, but when used in collaboration with the tight sets,
it makes the atmosphere much more terrifying.
The acting is also well
done; the roles are very physical, and the actresses (or in
certain cases, their stunt doubles) are up to task. Though they
are concealed in darkness or harsh lighting most of the time, the
makeup effects on the creatures are very good, and other effects
(like one cave explorer's fractured leg in the beginning of the
movie) are quite effective in their graphicness. (Is
"graphicness" a word? If it isn't, it is now.)
Online reviewer James
Berardinelli wrote, "The Descent isn't perfect, but
it does a lot of things right." I'm inclined to agree with
that statement. It's one of the best horror movies I've seen in a
while, and further reinforces my opinion that Eurasian horror is
on a level beyond that of American horror. And it scared the
living daylights out of poor ol' claustrophobic me. For that, The
Descent receives a four out of five on the
Sutton Scale.
There was only one real
negative I had with the whole thing, and that was these
13-year-old teeny bopper dorks that wouldn't shut up. Now I'll
admit to talking during a movie, but unless I'm by myself in the
theater, I'll whisper to whoever I'm with out of respect for
everyone else trying to enjoy the movie. Whispering never
distracted anybody before. But no, these morons had to talk and
giggle and pretty much be a bunch of annoying little turds. I
don't like having to yell, "hey, shut up over there,"
in a crowded theater, but sometimes it's needed.
Was I ever that annoying
when I was that young? I hope not, otherwise I'll have to go back
in time and smack my younger self around a little bit.
Thursday,
August 10, 2006; 5:56 p.m.
I was telling some people
last week that we could use a little rain to help out with this
uncomfortable heat wave we've been having lately. And guess what
happens? A thunderstorm today. It isn't one of those black cloud,
hard rain ones, but it still came down like cats and dogs. And it
was enough to cause a power surge that knocked our electricity
out for a few seconds. The lightning even caused our phone to
ring once. I don't know how, but it did.
It's starting to die down
now, and I wouldn't be surprised if we got three or four inches
of rain. The news meteorologists talk like other places were hit
harder than us, and they even showed a light pole in Lexington
that had been knocked over. One county even got a tornado warning
just a few minutes ago.
But at least the weather
here is starting to subside. Hopefully, all this rain will make
things cooler around here. These 95-100 degree days are rough, so
if the temperature can come down to about 85, I'll be fine. Me
and Mother Nature will be cool.
And that's about it for
that. Out.
I was watching the second
episode of Who Wants To Be A Superhero? the other day,
and that's when it hit me. I think the show is supposed to be
silly on purpose. It only makes sense. I mean, if the show was
serious and didn't have any of its campy humor, then I don't
believe it would be as entertaining. Everybody on the show has to
know just how silly it is. How could they not?
In the second episode, we
started out with an anonymous Q-and-A, where Stan Lee read
unsigned questions written by and intended for the contestants.
There were somewhat standard questions (Fat Momma and Major
Victory being asked if heroes that are overweight and former male
strippers would be good role models for children), to the
humorous ("Does Creature ever wash her nasty hair?"),
to the downright goofy ("Iron Enforcer stinks, can we get
him some deoderant?"). But then there was a question that I
liked: "Iron Enforcer looks like he might use steroids. What
kind of message does that send to children?" Now if it were
me, I'd have answered, "Captain America does steroids. Just
because they call it a "super soldier serum" doesn't
mean he's not on the juice.
After the Q&A, it was
time for their challenge, this time a test of their bravery. The
setup was a little old lady who was locked out of her house, each
hero had to hop over the fence into her backyard and head for the
back door. But there's always a catch. Once they hop the fence
and hit the ground, that's the cue for two trained attack dogs to
charge at them. That leaves the heroes with two options: get past
the dogs, or say the safety word ("uncle") to get the
dogs off them.
Not a whole lot of heroes
made it all the way to the door. Ty'veculus made it in 16
seconds, Major Victory made it in 17 seconds (with a dog hanging
from each arm), and Feedback made it in 25 seconds. Though
perhaps the most impressive was Monkey Girl, whose final time was
nine minutes, 23 seconds. While that sounds like she took
forever, you try running across your backyard with two attack
dogs after you. And her refusal to quit even earned her a
personal commendation from Stan.
But let's not forget about
the losers. Iron Enforcer actually made it onto the porch, and
was no more than a foot away from the door before he quit. Like I
said last week, Iron Enforcer just isn't all that great of a
superhero. And then there's Cell Phone Girl. Her final time: a
paltry four seconds. Here's my interpretation of her run:
"Okay, let's hop over this fence. Look, dogs! I quit!"
She blamed it on a headache, while mentioning that she didn't
care much for dogs after being bitten by one as a kid, but at the
elimination ceremony, Stan The Man wasn't having it. For failing
to show any bravery and making excuses, she was cut. Or as Stan
said, she was out of minutes.
Moving on, the remaining
superheroes all recieved makeovers for their costumes. The were
all pretty much professional versions of their original uniforms,
but Ty'veculus got an incredibly ugly outfit that looked like it
was made out of styrofoam and Play-Doh. And to top it off, he was
stuck in a padded Centurion helmet with an enormous feathery
mohawk. You could tell by the look on his face that he hated the
costume, but he lied right to Stan's face and said he loved it.
He ended up going back later and admitted he thought the costume
sucked, and depsite Stan looking super-angry, he let Ty'veculus
revert back to his previous (and in my opinion, cooler) costume.
And closing out the episode
was the second elimination ceremony. Up on the chopping block
were Ty'veculus (for lying to Stan about his costume), Feedback
(for mocking Ty'veculus's goofy helmet), and Iron Enforcer again
(for stull not fitting Stan's ideals of what a hero should be).
Iron Enforcer finally got the cut, but once he left, Stan stopped
him in an alley outside and mentioned that he couldn't tell what
about Iron Enforcer bugged him so much, but he finally figured it
out: "You make a lousy superhero... but you make a great
supervillian." Stan offered him the chance to make things
more difficult for the remaining heroes, an offer Iron Enforcer
accepted. And now Who Wants To Be A Superhero? now has
its own supervillain: The Dark Enforcer.
The show is exhibiting a
lot more promise. I mentioned before that I thought it was a
really goofy show, but that's what makes it so charming. It's
kinda like the old Adam West Batman show, where its campiness
makes it so good. I'm personally still cheering for Major
Victory, but Monkey Woman is starting to grow on me, especially
after that big performance in the dog test. But Who Wants To
Be A Superhero? is really taking a turn for the better. And
as I said last week, I'm definitely watching it more often.
Sunday, August
6, 2006; 9:36 p.m.
With all the activities
going on during this busy weekend, I've barely had any time to
relax at all. Usually my weekends are relatively slow and not all
that interesting, but the last two or three days have been wild.
I'm so tired I can barely
blink, but I could get used to more activity during my weekends.
I'm not sure how I'll be able to financially support my little
excursions on a regular basis until I can acquire a steady,
reliable income, but I have no other qualms with midnight movies
and other such adventures.
I don't know if I could
handle every weekend being as hectic as this
one, since a man needs a little time ro rest. But aside from the
aforementioned occasional monetary struggles, I really should get
out more often. I find myself stuck in the house a lot of the
time, but once I can acquire and maintain my own personal
financial security on a regular basis, I'm hoping that will
change.
And that concludes this
episode of The Matt Sutton Experience. Be sure to tune in same
Matt-time, same Matt-channel.
Saturday,
August 5, 2006; 9:12 p.m.
After my very late night, I
got out of the house again this afternoon and caught a showing of
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby in
Bardstown. The movie is an oddity, in that it manages to be
insanely funny despite pretty much every character being a total
jerk, borderline retarded, or both.
Will Ferrell is great as
always, and is the only member of the cast that I thought was
worth talking about. Gary Cole, John C. Reilly, and Michael Clark
Duncan are just kinda there, and Sasha Baron Cohen appears to be
in the movie only to deliver nearly unintelligible lines in a
thick (and unconvincing) French accent while making Ferrell's
character look like a homophobe.
But despite all that, the
movie did make me laugh. That's really all that can be asked for,
right? So I'm gonna give Talladega Nights a thumbs in
the middle with three and a half stars, leaning
towards four.
Not much else to talk
about, so this one's gonna be short. Out.
The eighth episode of ECW's
new show was last night, and I figured it was the kind of episode
that I might want to discuss. So how 'bout a segment-by-segment
breakdown, hmm?
The tag match was a lot of
fun, and that barbed wire board was quite unexpected. I also
think the match went in the right direction with its ending, as
it furthered Dreamer's feuds with Test and Heyman, while leaving
the Sandman/Knox feud open for another day. And it should be
noted that Dreamer really can bleed like a champ.
The Heyman/Sabu segment
also continued things well, though I'm still not used to hearing
Sabu talk. And is it just me, or was that segment the first time
Francine has appeared on the show? I was beginning to think she'd
never show up. All they need to do now is get C.W. Anderson to
debut on TV, and they'd be set.
Speaking of debuts, C.M.
Punk finally wrestled his first televised match as a member of
the ECW roster, and I'm glad he finally has. Now everybody gets
to see what ROH and OVW fans have been talking about for the
longest time. The match was one-sided for the most part, but I
think it did a decent job of showing some of Punk's talents to
those that haven't seen him. I just wonder how much they'll have
to censor Punk when he shows up in a WWE video game. They removed
Gregory Helms's Green Lantern tattoo in the games, and I'm sure
they'll have to find something to replace the Pepsi and Cobra
Command logos on Punk's shoulders.
Next was Kurt Angle making
his return against The Brooklyn Brawler. Didn't the Brawler
change his name to "the Boston Brawler" when the Red
Sox beat the Yankees in the ALCS in 2004? And isn't the
Hammerstein Ballroom in Manhattan, not Brooklyn? Oh well. In any
regard, the match wasn't much to talk about, only because the
match was designed for Angle to slaughter somebody really
quickly. Next.
The vampire and tarot card
reader segment was what it was, though it did give the vampire a
name. And what a name it was. Dracula... Lestat... Angelus...
Kevin Thorn?
And closing out the show
was Batista vs. The Big Show, which actually wouldn't have been that
bad of a match had the audience not crapped all over it. If the
crowd really hated it, a better protest would have been getting
up and walking out. Chanting "you guys suck! change the
channel! where's our refunds?" didn't make them witty. It
made them look like a bunch of morons. I guess the whole thing
was to set up Sabu running out there and putting Big Show through
that table at ringside.
As a whole, the episode may
have been one of the best they've done during the entire
eight-week run so far. It certainly wasn't an awful episode, even
if these anti-ECW dorks like to proclaim it the worst show to
ever be broadcast in the history of television. Some people...
After that last post, I got
to thinking about who else could play Batman villains. Scarecrow,
Ra's al Ghul, and Zsasz have all been taken care of (even if
Zsasz only had a brief cameo), and Joker's been cast for the next
one, but who else could there be?
Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh
Lucas, and Liev Schrieber are all rumored for Two-Face, and
Phillip Seymour Hoffman has been rumored for Penguin. But what
about Catwoman, Riddler, Mr. Freeze, or Poison Ivy? Or maybe some
less-famous villains like Bane, Killer Croc, the Mad Hatter,
Deadshot, Clayface, or Clock King? (Keep in mind I mean the cool
cartoon Clock King, not the crappy comics one.)
They'd probably go with the
A-list comic talent first. The next two Batman movies already
have dibs on Joker and Two-Face, and they'd probably go with
Catwoman, Penguin, and Riddler next. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
might make a good choice for Penguin, while they'd probably go
with someone like Angelina Jolie for Catwoman. The Riddler might
be a tougher choice, and the actor that plays him will have to
depend on how David Goyer and Chris Nolan decide to depict
Riddler. If they go with the wacky Frank Gorshin/Jim Carrey
"leotard covered in question marks" version of Riddler,
I could see Robin Williams in the role. But if they go with the
more cerebral "green business suit" version of Riddler,
I'd probably go with Robert Englund. He already voices Riddler in
the new cartoon, so he'd be a natural fit for the role. And what
if they decide to slip Harley Quinn in the new movie somewhere?
I'm a big Harley Quinn fan, and I'm a proponant of casting
Brittany Murphy as her.
I assume that after the
next two Batman movies come out, it'll be some time before they
start working on the one after those. Besides, that break will
give them plenty of time to do Flash and Green Lantern movies,
and perhaps Superman and Wonder Woman sequels if Warner Brothers
so desires. So perhaps I shouldn't really worry about casting
other villians until the Joker and Two-Face movies are released.
But I'll be all over the topic when they announce the villain for
Batman 4.
I just read a news article
stating that Heath Ledger, who you may recognize from films like A
Knight's Tale and Brokeback Mountain, has
officially been cast as The Joker in the next Batman movie (which
has the current working title of Batman: Dark Knight).
I'm not sure I'm 100
percent sold on the idea of Heath Ledger as Joker. I'd heard
rumors a few months ago that Crispin Glover and Paul Bettany were
considered for the role at one point, and both of them would have
been really good in the role. Besides, I think Glover is already
a little loony, so I'd be willing to guess that he's just a
purple suit and green hair away from being Joker.
I'll admit that I'm not all
that familiar with Ledger's work. I've only seen A Knight's
Tale and The Patriot, and just parts of Brokeback
Mountain. He's an Academy Award nominee, yeah, but I'm not
sure he'd be a convincing Joker. Jack Nicholson was a decent
Joker because he'd made a career from playing characters with
some kind of edge. He was a biker in Easy Rider, an
asylum inmate in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, and a
homicidal hotel caretaker in The Shining. So a lunatic
clown wasn't much of a stretch for ol' Jack.
The new movie doesn't start
filming until sometime early next year and probably won't be out
until 2008, so we've got two years to debate the pros and cons of
arguably the great comic book villain ever being portrayed by
someone who's greatest claim to fame is playing a gay cowboy in
some independent movie. I'll hope for the best, and we'll see how
good this decision is in 2008. All they have to do now is cast
Liev Schrieber as Harvey Dent, and everything will be fine.
I managed to catch part of
the first episode of Stan Lee's new reality show Who Wants To
Be A Superhero? last night, and... it's different.
The dorks on this show have
come up with some of the silliest gimmicks ever. Monkey Woman?
Cell Phone Girl? I thought Squirrel Girl and Speedball were
goofy, but those are just stupid. Now if Monkey Woman was a cross
between Beast and Tarzan, I could accept it. And what is Cell
Phone Girl's power? Giving someone a brain tumor via radiation?
And then there was their
test at the end of the episode. The test the potential
superheroes had to undertake also proved that most of them might
not have what it takes to be superheroes. See, they were told
their objective was to see how fast they could inconspicuously
change into their superhero outfits before running across this
city plaza to a designated checkpoint. But there was a catch.
There's always a catch. See, as the heroes ran through the plaza,
they'd have to pass this little girl crying for her mother.
Unbeknownst to the heroes, she was the real objective. Those who
stopped to help her succeeded, those who passed her failed. And
get this, something like two-thirds of the heroes ran right past
her. What kind of hero ignores a crying child? Now this one guy,
who looks like the hero from God
of War
with a giant laser gun mounted on his arm, I could buy him
running by. He looks like the kind of guy who'd be way too
focused on kicking the everloving snot out of some supervillain.
That poor crying child would probably be caught up in the
crossfire and collateral damage and whatnot.
And let's not forget the
one superhero that decided to change into his costume right out
in the open. Unless he's The Flash or Superman and could change
his clothes in less than a second, he'd have to be a freaking
moron to change out in front of everybody. And considering that
he ran past the little girl too, it's no wonder that he got
eliminated.
This show has "train
wreck" written all over it, and I'm totally going to watch
it every week.
Not a whole lot going on
lately. I don't want to do another "I got nothing" post
right now, so I'll just see where this one takes me. So come on,
Alice, let's jump down the rabbit hole.
I'm still on my
self-imposed writing hiatus, but after seeing Clerks 2,
I'm feeling a little more inspired. I don't quite know how I'll
translate that inspiration to something a wee bit more tangible,
but I think I might be able to work something out once I get back
in the game.
The way it's looking right
now, I've come up with the idea of doing the script in the same
vein as the Clerks movies or Super Troopers;
basically, a bunch of skits cobbled together and sewn up with a
common plot. I believe I've talked about this before, but the
thought is still there.
It's mostly just a matter
of coming up with these skits. There's a few bits from various
sources I'd like to steal for my own usage, and there's also a
little bit I wrote about a year or so ago that I want to use. It
mainly comes down to how I'm going to use these things.
There are also a few ideas
and a few characters I have, but as I said, it all depends on how
I use them. I'm also having second thoughts about my concept:
characters in a Wal-Mart all night. I really don't know how I'll
make it work. Maybe if I did it a little differently, perhaps
chopping the narrative into several days instead of one, or maybe
shifting the action to more than one building during the movie.
Hmm...
Perhaps it was a good idea
that I took that break. Writing is incredibly stressful.
Caught the 1:40 showing of Clerks
2 in Danville, and it was excellent.
The movie succeeds in
bringing the View Askewniverse full circle, and it achieves a
certain sentimentality that makes it all the more endearing. Yes,
it's raunchy, and how it got an R rating with no edits is beyond
me, but behind all the vulgarities is a lot of heart. Dante and
Randal are stuck in the same rut that we last saw them in during
the previous Clerks (albeit with a change of scenery),
but the way they individually deal with it is what makes the
characters engaging and able to be related to.
The cast is entertaining,
which is helped by Kevin Smith's hilarious-as-usual script
(though that musical number is oddly out of place). Smith's
direction is also top notch, and when it's all said and done,
it's my belief that Clerks 2 is a wonderful note for
these characters to go out on. So to make a long story short, Clerks
2 gets a much-earned four stars from yours
truly.
And on a personal note, Clerks
2 was quite satisfying because I actually got to see my name
up on the screen among the MySpace friends listed at the end of
the movie's credits. I almost missed it, since it had almost
scrolled up to the top of the screen by the time I caught it. But
no foolin', it's right there. I wish I had some kind of screen
capture device to snag it once the DVD comes out, but alas, I'll
have to survive. In any regard, my name is listed in the credits
of a real Hollywood movie, so if I died today, I would go to my
grave satisfied.
Saturday, July
22, 2006; 8:13 p.m.
Am I the only one who has a
rough time thinking up topics for posts on slow days? Because
that's where I'm at right now. I'm not really sure what I
where I want to go with this right now. I've done the wrestling
and comics posts in the last few days, I threw in one or two
"hey, I saw a movie" posts, and the rest of the month
has been spent talking about writing that blasted script. But
tonight, I'm totally lost for something to post about.
Though I must admit, it
could be a lot worse. There were times a few years ago when I
averaged three or four posts a month, sometimes getting
as little as one post a month. The dark days of 2002 really
didn't help much with blog productivity, which is why I'm glad
the whole blog thing took off in 2003, so I could have some
"competition" to help motivate me. So now, instead of
no posts, you get posts where I talk about not having anything to
talk about. And since my posts have improved a
thousand-fold in the last four years, I have both quantity
and quality. Why would I argue with that?
Huh, I guess I worked up
something resembling a post after all. And that's good enough for
me.
Taking a cue from Libby,
let's briefly venture into the world of the superheroic for a
while, shall we?
It was announced yesterday
that Frank Miller had been hired to write and direct a movie
based on The Spirit, who I actually had never heard of until
Libby mentioned him on Tuesday. And it got me to thinking, what
other superheroes could use movies?
Naturally, there's the big
ones like Captain America, Thor, Green Lantern, and The Flash.
But what about some of the heroes that get lost in the shuffle?
Silver Surfer is going to turn up in the next Fantastic Four
movie, so he isn't a problem. But there's guys like Swamp Thing
and Dr. Strange that could use decent movies, but are usually
forgotten about because studios are more wont to make movies
based on cerified cash cows like Superman or the X-Men.
But I guess Hollywood would
want to get all the A-list comic properties out of the way first.
Joss Whedon is doing Wonder Woman, Christopher Nolan is prepping
the Batman Begins sequel, David Goyer has said he wants
to do a Flash movie, and there's Fantastic Four 2 and
the Magneto and Wolverine spinoffs all coming sooner or later.
Why not break out characters like the Martian Manhunter or
Hawkman, or even someone not as well-known like Night Thrasher.
Heck, why not do two or three more Superman movies, then reboot
Supergirl's movie franchise? There's plenty of properties that
could be used if Hollywood only chose to do them.
Maybe one of these days,
we'll even get movies based on the Justice League or the
Avengers, but it's all up to Hollywood.
You know, I think writing a
post that doesn't concern movies or the script is going to be
tough. I haven't done that in a while, but I think I can knock
one out.
So ECW is halfway through
their twelve-week contract with the Sci-Fi Channel, and I
wouldn't be surprised if Sci-Fi extended the contract when it
comes up for renewal. From all appearances, the show is one of
the highest rated programs on the network, so it would make sense
to keep it on. High ratings equates to higher advertising
revenue, so Sci-Fi would be stupid to cancel a hit show just
three months into its run.
But I didn't come here to
talk about ratings. I wanted to talk about the show's lackluster
writing. It's obvious that WWE has pegged ECW to be its C-level
show, but that doesn't mean the writers have to half-ass
everything. It's taken them this long to finally set up feuds and
make that dumb stripper's segments be worth something. I'll admit
that I couldn't do much better, but do we really need stupid
characters like a stripper when we know we'll never see the goods
as long as the show is on basic cable? Do we need a vampire and a
tarot card reader that never do anything?
Come on, WWE, throw me a bone.
There isn't much that can
be done with what is essentially 45 minutes of air time after
commercials, but they could at least give certain recurring
segments the week off once in a while in order to put other
things over. Why not give the Knox/Sandman/Kelly thing some time
off and debut CM Punk, Shannon Moore, or the vampire?
And why spend so much time
feuding with Raw and Smackdown? It makes ECW's whole roster look
week if wrestlers from Raw and Smackdown are coming in every week
to challenge for the ECW title. Aren't there any ECW guys who
deserve a title shot? The whole ECW vs. WWE thing is going to get
old, unless this whole thing with Paul E., Dreamer, and Test is
just a setup to build Dreamer as the next contender for the
title.
I want the new ECW to
succeed, I really do. And with ECW getting a pay-per-view event
in December, I don't see them falling off the radar until at
least after the new year, if they do at all. I've also accepted
that we'll never have the old ECW back, though I still have faith
that WWE's ECW can improve and become decent, watchable TV.
I hope so, anyway.
You know, it just came to
my attention that I've completely forgotten about Sutton At The
Movies lately. I got so wrapped up in other projects that I
haven't even thought about writing at all, let alone what I'd
write next.
Usually after I wrap up a
review, I like to relax for a little while, then ponder what
review is next. But since I posted the two Hills Have Eyes
reviews three or four weeks ago, I haven't put any thought into
what's next at all.
Maybe I got so wrapped up
in worrying about the script that I burned myself out. I've no
been very anxious to write lately, so perhaps that could be it?
There's also the fact that I'm up to 116 reviews. Now I'm no
Roger Ebert or Leonard Maltin, but to somebody like me, writing
almost 120 reviews over three years is a lot of work. And
sometimes, I just need a break.
I miss writing my reviews,
and I want to keep writing them as long as people keep wanting to
read them. But I think I'm going to take a break from writing for
a while to recharge my batteries. I must admit, the blog might be
a lot less interesting without all that talk about writing. It
seems like all I've talked about for the last month.
But I'm sure I'll be able
to make things interesting somehow.
I may have gotten in over
my head with this script.
I have no idea what I'm
going to do with this thing. I don't know what direction I want
to take it in, I can't think of any sort of cognizant narrative,
and I'm completely, totally stuck. How do you creative types do
it? I just can't come up with anything that helps advance the
plot or anything like that.
I really don't know if I'll
be able work this out. Outside of that one Dynamite Kudo story I had the idea for, I really
struggle with creativity. I really wish I could come up with some
way for this to turn out, but I really can't think of anything at
all. I have no problem with dialogue or anything like that,
Now if I could do something
directly inspired by something else, like a book or a remake of
another movie, I could probably take care of it. But as it
stands, efforts will have to be tripled in order for me to go
anywhere with it.
Thank God I have myself
until 2012, because it'll take me until then.
As I pointed out before,
writing a film script is tougher than I initially believed. I can
handle dialogue if I know what kind of flow I'm aiming for, but
all that other stuff - like scene setups and all that jazz - is
not something that comes easily for me.
You know, in retrospect,
perhaps I could have written up a treatment for my script first.
For the unfamiliar, a "treatment" is somewhere between
a basic outline and a short story, which a script writer uses to
better flesh out his or her script. I'm not quite ten pages deep,
so perhaps it isn't too late to back up a little and take care of
that. I'd like to know where I'm headed, so perhaps a treatment
is in order?
Any of you other, more
talented writers out there are free to pitch ieas for scenes,
lines of dialogue, characters, whatever. Be my guest. And it
might take me a while, but I'm planning on getting this done
sometime. My unofficial deadline is my 30th birthday, so I've got
until 2012 to knock it out. Six years is plenty of time, right?
My desire to post outweighs
my typical laziness, so here's some reading material.
I haven't put a whole lot
of work or effort into the script lately. I've gotten maybe a
page of dialogue, and that's it. I'm on Page 6, with about 84 to
go before it's standard length. I have an idea or two for
directions I'd like to take it, but that kind of thing is rougher
than I thought it'd be. Perhaps I should have thought this
through first?
I'm not really worried if
the thing ever gets maid, I just want to see if I can get it
written. And I really do want to write it, but I'm finding it
tough to really motivate myself. I don't really have much life
experience to use, but I'm sure I can think of something.
More sometime later.
Tuesday, July
4, 2006; 2:37 p.m.
My earlier post wasn't
exactly a happy one, so I figure a second post is in order so
that can be remedied.
That script I was trying to
write is coming along at a snail's pace. It took me forever to
come up with names for the first four characters introduced, but
I did manage to knock out nearly five pages once I got
that taken care of. I'm stuck in the middle of the second scene,
and I'm not quite sure how I want it to progress. I had an idea
of spoofing the opening credits of Reservoir Dogs in
scene three, but I haven't quite figured out how I'd get there,
nor have I completely sold myself on the idea of doing it.
I've also thought of doing
something similar to Super Troopers, where it's a bunch
of skits stitched together with a skeleton frame of a plot. The
only bad parts are that 1.) Super Troopers was written
by five guys, and I'm just one; and 2.) the Broken Lizard members
are funnier than myself. But I figure I could hammer something
out once I got it all settled.
I might put the script on
hold for a little while, just to give myself some time to
prepare. I don't really know what direction I'm headed in, or
what I'm doing in general, but I think I'll be able to make it
work sooner or later. Even if it doesn't work out, I can at least
give it a shot, right?
Right.
Today is going to be such a
boring, slow, awful day.
There is absolutely nothing
for me to do today. No cookouts to go to, no fireworks to see
(since for some stupid reason, everybody set them off last
night), so unless something changes, I'm stuck in the house
watching a Star Trek marathon and being bored as hell.
Is there anybody with a
time machine that can pick me up and take me to last night so I
can actually see some fireworks? It's already silly to celebrate
American independence by firing off Chinese fireworks, but not
even doing it on the right day is absurd. Did I misread my
calendar? Is today really the 5th of July? I guess it's just
something else to prove my theory: "people are stupid."
You may or may not remember
the brief talk of a "Sutton At The Movies: The Movie"
over at the Blogger Experience's comments two weeks ago. Let's discuss that for a little
while, shall we?
I've been wanting to write
my own movie for some time, but unfortunately, nothing has come
of it yet. It's mostly a big combination of writer's block and a
total lack of originality on my part. What I'd like to do is
something akin to Clerks, Mallrats and Office
Space, but everything I come up with ends up being a total
Xerox copy of those three. I'll admit I'm not the most talented
writer there is, but you'd think I could come up with something
that was in the same style without totally ripping them off.
Sure, I could always do a
total ripoff. That never stopped anybody before. But where's the
fun in that? I'd rather do something original, but still keep the
vibe I'm aiming for. I mean, Waiting was a Clerks-esque
movie without totally stealing from Clerks, so why
couldn't I do something like that?
I do have some ideas for
certain characters and set pieces, but I've been unable to really
come up with anything major. I keep a file full of dialogue I'd
like to use, and I wouldn't mind aping the "lost scene" from the big Clerks X
DVD, but I've just been struggling to put two and two together.
You writers out there know what I mean, right?
And then the idea of
writing a movie leads to the much more ambitious idea of actually
producing it. Would it be something I could make for a few
thousand dollars with some friends and a high-end camcorder? Or
would it be something I should shop around to people who know
what they're doing?
I don't know the first
thing about making a movie, but if I'm sure I could if I had to.
However, I have to bang out the script first. I guess I have to
start somewhere, but that first step is a doozy.
X-Men Legends 2: Rise
of Apocalypse has been soundly defeated.
It took several attempts
and some creative thinking (read: cheat codes) to defeat
Apocalypse, but I still got the job done and a winner is I. Go
me.
I just got back from a
special 10:00 sneak preview of Superman Returns, and I
do believe that someone's finally made a movie worthy of carrying
the "Superman 3" mantle. Simply put, Superman
Returns is absolutely stupendous.
Way back in 1978, the
tagline for the original film told us that we would believe a man
could fly. And with the special effects of Superman Returns,
that promise has been fulfilled. The effects are an enormous
improvement over what we saw in the previous Superman films, but
I guess that can be chalked up to various technological advances
over the last three decades.
Also wonderful is John
Ottman's music, which boasts the grand, epic tone that the movie
needed. Ottman puts the original music composed by John Williams
to good use, with various musical cues from previous chapters in
the Superman saga making appearances throughout the
movie. Bryan Singer's direction is great too; he takes what he
showed us with the first two X-Men movies and turns it up to
eleven. Singer is careful to appease fans of the previous movies
with subtle homages to the first two, as well as making the movie
its own.
The acting is great, as
well. Brandon Routh is a lot of fun, and while he may not be
"the next Christopher Reeve," I'm sure he'll become
"the first Brandon Routh" for a new generation of
Superman fans. Kate Bosworth makes for a fine Lois Lane, James
Marsden is great in a somewhat limited role, and Kevin Spacey is
brilliant. Imagine Gene Hackman's interpretation of Lex Luthor
but with a mean streak a mile wide, and you'd have Kevin Spacey's
Lex Luthor.
All in all, I'll give Superman
Returns a hearty four stars and a
recommendation to check it out. And while you're here, why not
check out my reviews for the original movie, Superman 2, Superman 3, and Superman 4. Okay? Okay.
And now, a "Sutton At
The Movies" double feature. For your reading pleasure we
have both versions of The Hills Have Eyes; Wes Craven's
original from 1977, and Alexandre Aja's remake from this year.
Check 'em out.
I've been digging deeper
into X-Men Legends 2 lately, and I'd be lying if I said
the game wasn't addictive. I've picked it up many times, and when
I'd finally take a break, it would be 3:00 in the morning. I
could really stand to acquire the first X-Men Legends
game too, because I'd probably get just as addicted to it.
Right now I'm getting ever
closer to tracking down the final boss, Apocalypse. Thanks to a
little help from that sneaky Sebastian Shaw, I'm just one or two
levels away from the end. I believe all I have to do is make it
through a level to find Emma Frost, and then I can take down
Apocalypse.
And after that, victory
shall be mine.
Caught the 5:00 showing of
Adam Sandler's new movie Click today.
While your mileage may
vary, I personally thought the movie was perhaps one of Sandler's
best movies. The movie's commercials paint Click as a
laugh riot, and while I found it to be incredibly funny, that's
only half of the story. There is a lot of heart in the movie,
especially as the movie takes a turn or the dramatic once
Sandler's universal remote begins fast-forwarding over months and
years at a time on its own.
Click could be
considered a spiritual cousin to Bruce Almighty, as both
films concern men who think they have it all figured out, but are
taught to appreciate their lives by all-knowing strangers. While Bruce
Almighty deals with Jim Carrey getting a lesson that he
doesn't really have all the answers, Click concerns
Sandler's workaholic character and his desire to skip over all of
the unwanted moments of life while rewinding or fast-forwarding
to the more pleasurable ones. Why argue with your wife or deal
with a loud barking dog when you have "Skip" and
"Mute" buttons that will work just as much on your
world as they will on your television?
The movie demonstrates
Sandler's maturity as an actor. Five years ago, Jim Carrey
probably would have gotten Click's lead role light years
before Sandler would ever be considered. But now, with movies
that have started to stray more and more from the "dumb
guy" slapstick roles under his belt, I think Sandler has
reached Carrey-like proportions, where he can still do the
incredibly comedic roles while still maintaining some kind of
seriousness. And by the end of the movie, I'd come to really like
and sympathize with Sandler's character, which I believe is proof
that he can actually act instead of acting goofy.
The rest of the cast is
quite enjoyable as well, and I was thoroughly entertained by both
the comedy and the drama. For that, my final verdict is four
stars and a seal of approval.
[And now for the thrilling
conclusion of the Blackout Manifesto.]
Time is 11:28 p.m., and I
am absolutely worn out. Boredom is beating me to death. I tried
to do a little reading, but I got about 10 or 15 pages in before
I gave up. Holding that stupid light was giving me carpal tunnel
and a pain in my neck.
To be honest, I don't truly
know why I'm even still awake at this point. It's not like
there's anything to do at 11:30 at night in the midst of a
blackout. But at least I'm getting a few handwritten blog posts
out of the deal, right?
This is why I could use a
laptop. I love my computer, as antiquated as it may be, but I
unfortunately can't use it right now. Now if I had something
battery powered, voila. There's a solution. It's all just a
matter of affordability.
But at this point, I
believe I'm only still awake to see if and/or when the power
comes back on. However, I don't think it'll be back on until in
the morning. And really, that's probably closer to the truth than
I realize. So I figure I might as well call it a night.
I hope that my three-part
Blackout Manifesto was worth reading, just for the view into the
insanity that is me. Time is 11:43, and maybe after sleep, things
will be back to something resembling normalcy. Out for now.
[And just three minutes
after I wrote that in my notebook, the power returned. Just my
luck. I think my satellite reciever was fried by the power going
out, but I'll deal with that in the morning. Good night, and good
luck.]
So ECW's return is
complete, as the first episode of their new show aired last
night. And I hope I'm not the only one that got the vibe that
they were aiming more for the old "WWF Attitude"
instead of ECW. They spent more time promoting the Vengeance
pay-per-view than they did their own talent. We all know that RVD
is going to lose the WWE Title at Vengeance, so there's nothing
to really make me care about it.
My disappointment of the
show is based on a number of things. One is the fact that taping
the show prior to SmackDown is really stupid. A crowd
full of 12-year-old kids in Rey Mysterio shirts is absolutely not
the right environment for an ECW show. They booed RVD and Paul
Heyman, they didn't even react at all to The Sandman, and I'm
willing to bet most of the audience had never even heard of ECW
until One Night Stand last year.
Secondly, that whole thing
with the stripper was insanely dumb. If she's supposed to be a
stripper, shouldn't she be able to know how to unhook her bra?
Thanks for screwing up an already stupid segment, bimbo. And is
it just me, or did she look like a cardboard cutout before she
started talking?
This really wasn't very
good as a debut episode. Yeah, the diehard ECW fans know who
these guys are, but what about those that don't? I'm hoping that
once we get past Vengeance, ECW can form their own niche and
improve. I'm rooting for them.
Yesterday felt like it
lasted a million years. I probably would have done a post about
it last night, but I was so worn out, I couldn't do so much as
turn my computer on, let alone type up a post.
The day began around 11:00
when myself and my usual partner in crime Jason headed off to
Lexington to meet someone he'd met on MySpace. Both he and her
seemed awfully shy around one another (despite him making
attempts to strike up conversations), so we pretty much followed
her and her friend from store to store. And I'll just say that I
feel enough like a pervert just walking past Victoria's Secret,
but it's exascerbated when I actually have to go in there.
A few hours after the
Lexington trip, myself and Jason decided to go check out the
Anderson County fair. I only got on one ride, but that's only
because fair rides and the White Castle hamburgers I had for
lunch don't exactly get along. I still had a fun time, even if I
had to miss ECW's show to go. I didn't get home until around
midnight, but I did have the forethought to set my VCR to tape
it. (I really need to get TiVo.)
I'll probably have a post
about my thoughts concerning the ECW show later. But until then,
dear readers, excelsior.
Caught the remake of The
Omen this afternoon. I have yet to see the original, so I
can't compare them, but I didn't think the remake was awful.
There's a noticeable lack
of suspense in the movie. There's only one real scene that
generates what could be called "suspense," but since we
absolutely know for a fact that it will end horribly, it becomes
not a matter of how it will turn out, but a matter of how
disturbing.
I'm a fan of Liev
Schrieber, but I don't think he lived up to his potential here.
He's really good here, don't get me wrong, but I don't really
believe was strong enough to befit someone as talented as he is.
Perhaps he wanted a little diversity on his résumé? Julia
Styles and Peter Postlethwaite are serviceable, and first-time
actor Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick is very creepy. I know the
"creepy horror movie child" has become a cliché, but
the look in young Davey-Fitzpatrick's eyes throughout the movie
proves to be both convincing and unsettling. He only has two
lines of dialogue that I can remember, so his performance has to
be more physical. And to be truthful, I was convinced.
And while there are quite a
few surprising jump scenes (along with musical stingers that will
make you go deaf), the movie is merely average at best. It wasn't
awful, but I simply don't believe that it will become an iconic
piece of horror cinema like its source material. I'll give it a
thumbs in the middle with three stars out of my
usual five. Though I reiterate that, like always, your mileage
may vary.
I'm going to take this
opportunity to pat myself on the back, because I just completed Resident
Evil: Code Veronica X. My final time: seven hours, seven
minutes, and 46 seconds. It probably would have been shorter had
I not hit "retry" 17 times (since I think the continues
are added to the final tally in RE:CV), but oh well, I
beat the game.
That last battle was rough,
too. The final boss, Alexia, came in two forms: one was a big
nasty blob of a thing with tentacles, and it could unleash bugs
to attack me. After trying to kill it a good six times, I finally
got her. But then the "blob" form disappeared, and
Alexia turned into a giant half-human/half-dragonfly that could
spit napalm at me. Lucky for me, I managed to pick up a new toy
at this point. The game calls the new toy "the linear
launcher," but it looks more like the BFG9000 from Doom.
And luckily, it has infinite ammo, because I must have fired a
good nine or ten shots before I finally hit Alexia. She's a
crafty wench, I'll give her that. But I finally hit her, and she
goes kablammo. It was a beautiful sight.
And now for the finale. The
closing cinematic scenes must have ran ten minutes long, no joke.
Not to give away too many spoilers for those of who who may want
to track down a copy of RE:CV one of these days, but
that Wesker guy can really take a shot. A pipe to the noggin gets
shrugged off, a bunch of steel girders dropped on him just
staggers him, and a big fireball to the face causes minimal
adverse effects; he can hold really his own. I want to see more
of this guy in future games, because he's one bad dude.
But I've finally conquered RE:CV,
which gives me at least one victory in all six core chapters of
the Resident Evil saga. I'm going to go celebrate.
Want to know something that
really really sucks? I think I may have to start RE:CV
over again from the very beginning. Why? Because of some stupid
mistake I made back at the start. See, I was reading ahead in
this walkthrough I'm using for assistance, and it says I need an
empty fire extinguisher for this upcoming segment of the game.
This walkthrough says that in this next section, I'll get some
fuel for the fire extinguisher, which I'll need on an upcoming
spot. But see, the thing is that I acquired the fire extinguisher
back at the beginning of the game, and ditched it immediately
after I used it in a necessary spot because I didn't think I'd
need it anymore. If I knew then what I knew now, I'd have kept it
around.
You know, on second
thought... I may not need it after all. I read a little further
after typing the previous paragraph, and it says that all the
fire extinguisher does is open up a path that gives me a .44
Magnum. As nice and as helpful as a .44 Magnum would be, it
sounds completely optional. So pay no mind to all the complaining
above, okay?
That .44 Magnum could come
in very handy against these bosses I'm about to go up against,
but I have half a clip in an assault rifle and a pair of loaded
submachine guns that I've been holding onto for a special
occasion. Unfortunately, I can't reload the assault rifle and
submachine guns since there's no ammo in them besides what they
came with. But I'm going to press onward and see what I can do. I
really wish I could get that .44 Magnum, but I've done more with
less. Hopefully, my handgun, shotgun, grenade launcher, and
automatic weapons will be enough.
If I come up successful, I
can remedy this situation in my second go-around. Learning from
mistakes, and all.
I haven't done a good
wrestling post in a while, and I figure now is as good a time as
any to do one.
WWE's revival of ECW is in
full swing as we speak. The "WWE vs. ECW: Head To Head"
show was last night, One Night Stand 2 is Sunday, and ECW's show
on the Sci-Fi Channel debuts Tuesday night. But will the new ECW
be everything the old one was? I hope so, because I've been an
ECW fan for a long time. And I'll tell you why.
The year was 1995. I was an
impressionable 13-year-old eighth grader, and I was a fan of what
was then the WWF. The WWF's "New Generation" was
beginning, and that was really all I knew about pro wrestling:
goofy, cartoony gimmicks like garbagemen, hog farmers, hockey
players, evil Santas, and fitness gurus. I was a devout reader of
Pro Wrestling Illustrated at the time, and I'd read notes of this
indy promotion in Pennsylvania that held baseball bat matches,
and of some guy named Shane Douglas throwing down the NWA World
Title. But I never really paid attention to this group, because
if they weren't the WWF, WCW, SMW, or the USWA, I never got a
chance to see them.
But after my family got a
DirecTV system, I was flipping through the sports channels and
stumbled upon this show called "Extreme Championship
Wrestling." The name didn't register at first, but at the
time, I figured that wrestling was wrestling, so why not watch a
little? The first match lasted somewhere around 20 seconds, and
featured ECW's behemoth 911 slaughtering former WCW jobber
"Jungle" Jim Steele. The segment wasn't much, but the
next one was the one that made me an ECW fan.
The match pitted the one
and only Luna Vachon against Beulah McGillicutty. Having
recognized Luna as Bam Bam Bigelow's "main squeeze"
from the WWF circa 1993 and 1994, I quickly assumed that she'd
make short work of the not-so-intimidating former Penthouse Pet.
But then someone I'd come to know as Raven cracked Luna with a
chair as soon as the bell rang, and a three-count later, Beulah
was declared victorious. That may not sound like a lot, but it
gets better. Tommy Dreamer runs out and after a brawl, Raven
snaps two of Dreamer's fingers. My initial reaction was
"whoa!" I'd never seen that kind of viciousness in a
wrestling ring before, and it was that moment that made me want
to tune in next week and the week after that. I was an ECW fan
for life.
What made ECW special was
the fact that it felt like I'd discovered something that no one
else had seen yet. I didn't know all that many wrestling fans
back then, but the two or three I did know followed the more
mainstream WWF. It was as if they'd never heard of you if you
didn't work for Vince McMahon. Nitro was in its infancy
and the NWO's birth was a year away, so WCW wasn't all that
well-known in the circles I ran in. And if WCW was unheard-of,
you can imagine how small the number of ECW devotees I knew was.
(Truth be told, I didn't meet another ECW fan until my sophomore
year of high school in 1998.)
ECW's special to me because
when I became a fan, I felt like I knew something the rest of the
world didn't. It's kinda like being a fan of a particular actor
or musician before they hit the big time, then being able to brag
you were there first once fame comes their way. That's how I felt
about ECW. As a wrestling fan, these three letters are important
to me because they represent everything I enjoy about the sport.
Whether it be a couple of guys diving through tables or cracking
skillets over their heads, cruiserweights diving into the third
row, or a pair of technical wrestlers having a 20-minute classic,
ECW made me proud to be a fan.
It is my sincere desire
that WWE's new ECW is successful. Sure, it'll have the McMahon
family's fingerprints all over it, but if it can capture the same
atmosphere that made me love it 11 years ago, then I'll have no
problem with WWE's ECW.
Once again, not a lot going
on. But it's only noon, so I guess things could happen between
now and later. Who knows? But while I'm here, why don't I make a
little post, hmm?
I made some progress in RE:CV
the other day, thank God. I finally sucked it up and made it past
the spiders, but now I'm struggling to make it past one of the
big bosses named "Nosferatu." I did manage to kill him
once, but then I went and got killed right after that, before I
could save my progress. Don't you hate when that happens? Yeah,
me too.
And that's about it. Out
for now.
Sunday, June 4,
2006; 4:55 p.m.
Things are as slow as ever
around here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I could
use a little more excitement around here. I understand it's hard
to find cheap, affordable excitement in a town of only 300
people, but I'm sure something could turn up.
Still no RE:CV
progress. I'm working on it, though. I'm gonna make it one of
these days, you can bet on it.
I'm not exactly 100% sure
what exactly I want to review next. I know for sure I'll be
reviewing Alone In The Dark and BloodRayne when
I get them from Netflix, but I haven't decided what I'll do until
then. I have my eye on Jackie Brown so I can say I've
reviewed all five of Quentin Tarantino's movies, but what else
could I do? I'm thinking about the Ghostbusters movies
or the Matrix trilogy, maybe True Romance
or David Cronenberg's version of The Fly. I'll
have to weed out the list before I really get down to work, but
it doesn't hurt to have a few ideas.
And I believe that's all I
have for this post. Out for now.
The MTV Movie Awards were
taped last night, and since I usually post all the winners and
nominees and all that stuff, I might as well post last night's
winners. The awards show won't air until Thursday, so here's what
you can expect...
- Best Movie:
Wedding Crashers
- Best
Performance: Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback
Mountain
- Best Comedic
Performance: Steve Carell, The 40-Year-Old
Virgin
- Best
Frightened Performance: Jennifer Carpenter, The
Exorcism of Emily Rose
- Sexiest
Performance: Jessica Alba, Sin City
- Breakthrough
Performance: Isla Fisher, Wedding Crashers
- Best On-Screen
Team: Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, Wedding
Crashers
- Best Hero:
Christian Bale, Batman Begins
- Best Villain:
Hayden Christensen, Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge
of the Sith
- Best Fight:
Angelina Jolie vs. Brad Pitt, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
- Best Kiss:
Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
- MTV's
"Generation" Award for Lifetime Achievement:
Jim Carrey
- "Silver
Bucket of Excellence": Spike Lee's 1989
film Do The Right Thing
So there's your winners. Wedding
Crashers was a great movie, but I still have a nagging
feeling that Batman Begins, Sin City, King
Kong, and The 40-Year-Old Virgin got screwed. But
at least Christian Bale won Best Hero, because he deserved it.
And I haven't seen Revenge of the Sith, but even if he
is Darth Vader, I doubt Hayden Christensen is a better villain
than Tobin "Jigsaw" Bell from Saw 2.
Overall, though, it doesn't
look like all that bad of a show. And outside of Do The Right
Thing, it doesn't look as pretentious as the Oscars or any
other awards ceremony.
I picked up RE:CV
again, and I almost made some progress before my hatred of bugs
interfered and royally screwed things up.
To set the scene, I'd made
it through the hallway with the oversized moth. I'm okay with
that moth now, since he's actually pretty easy to avoid as long
as you can stay away from this poison dust he sprays. Anyway, I
make it past Mothra, and after avoiding a bunch of zombies and
rabid zombie dogs, I restored power to the facility I'm trapped
in. That's pretty nice, since running around with the lights on
is better than with them off. That way, you can actually see the
monsters that want to brutally kill you and eat your skin. So the
walkthrough I'm following sends me into a particular room to
retrieve a particular object, and that's when Spidey makes his
presence known.
As soon as I enter the
room, I'm greeted by an enormous spider. I fire off a few
explosive arrows from my crossbow, but Spidey shrugs them off and
keeps heading my way. Before I can either run away or equip my
machine gun, Spidey is up in my face. He stands up on his back
legs and proceeds to bite me on the neck. I couldn't even see
myself, since Spidey was so huge. At this point, I flip out and
turn off my Gamecube. I'd rather quit before I let some mutant
spider bite my face off. I'm a wuss, I know.
I'll have to think up
another plan of attack. Charging in with guns blazing obviously
didn't work, so maybe I should be more evasive. Spidey was on top
of me before I knew it, so if I'm going to be evasive, I'll have
to be quick about it. There's supposed to be two more spiders in
this room, but since I barely made it past the door, I'll
probably have to be very quick if I intend to survive with my
health intact.
Stupid spiders. Why must
they torture me so? I can stare down legions of the undead and
conquer monsters of all shapes and sizes, but an overgrown
arachnid gives me so much grief that I can't even move forward.
You win this round, Capcom.
The month of May is in the
history books, and now it's time to jump into June.
So far, today has been a
lot like yesterday. Really quiet, not a lot going on. Days like
this are much welcomed, however, because I could use some rest
and relaxation after days like Tuesday. Though I must admit, a
few more days like Tuesday would be much welcomed. I have no
problem with a little more excitement around here once in a
while.
I mentioned a while back
that I had a few ideas for new reviews I'd like to write.
Following a discussion with a fellow lover of the cinematic arts
last night, I added a few new movies to my rather lengthy
"To Do" list. I figure I'll get around to them sooner
or later, but I don't want to rush myself. You can't rush
greatness. Rushed greatness isn't really greatness at all.
I haven't made any
substantial progress on RE:CV lately, mainly due to my
fear of spiders, especially ones that are the size of small cows.
It might be a little silly to be afraid of virtual spiders, but
goshdarn it, I hate bugs in just about every form. Maybe that's
what Capcom wanted, though. It's a horror game, and these
monsters scare me senseless. Those Capcom fellas are a sneaky
lot.
That's pretty much all I've
got for right now. If I can think of something further, I'll
post. Otherwise, I'm satisfied with today's work.
Another day, another post.
I don't have any particular topic of discussion planned, so I'm
just going to slap a little something together and see where it
takes me. Is that okay with you? It is? Good.
Today has been relatively
tame, especially when compared to yesterday and Saturday. But
even though not a lot happened today, I don't think it was a bad
day. I'm not going to complain. Besides, I'm still worn out from
yesterday's activities, so a slow, quiet day isn't that bad at
all.
And I really can't think up
anything decent to talk about. I guess I'll wrap it up and try to
work on something for another post some other time. I'll see what
I can do then.
Even though it seems that I
didn't accomplish a whole lot, today was such a long day. Myself
and my hetero life-mate Mo picked up some friends of ours from
Lawrenceburg and went to Lexington in order to watch See No
Evil again. Me and Mo had already seen it, but they hadn't,
and they were determined to see that despite our attempts to
convince them to see the much more superior X-Men 3
instead.
If you read my previous post regarding See No Evil,
then that pretty much stands. However, I should probably retract
that "best pro wrestler movie" comment. After being
reminded of the work of The Rock by Lib, that comment isn't
exactly relevant, since I thought The Scorpion King and Walking
Tall were both better than See No Evil. Though as I
said previously, Kane's character of "Jacob Goodnight"
could be an entertaining horror villain on the C-list somewhere
between Wishmaster and Leprechaun. But it'll take a few sequels
that can improve on a movie that is, frankly, average at best. My
rating of three stars stands.
After the movie, we swung
by the shopping center at Lexington Green, where after spending a
lot of time in Joseph-Beth's (which would totally be my Borders
if I lived closer to Lexington), we moved on to the Disc Jockey
store next door. There, I scored a little birthday present for
myself: the DVD of Backlash. Hurrah.
Then after going back to
Anderson County and hanging out at Lawrenceburg's park for a
while, we headed home. The day was long, but fun, so I'll chalk
it up on my list of good days.
And that's enough for this
post. Out for now.
Today has been a good day.
Good, but slow. Pretty much nothing has happened today, which I
was expecting. The only things of note were going to get some ice
cream and my aunt forgetting it was my birthday. She doesn't even
own a computer, so I can heckle her here and she'll never know
it. :-P
But even though the day has
been very slow and relatively quiet, I'm not going to worry about
it. Sure, I'd have liked a little more excitement, but at least
today hasn't sucked. I could have found out I was adopted or
gotten kicked in the no-no place. Neither of those have happened,
so I can say that today has been pretty rockin' so far.
And that's all I could have
really asked for.
The big day officially
begins in about fifteen minutes or so at midnight, and like with
Backlash a month ago, the anticipation is at a fever pitch.
I don't know exactly what
the day holds, since nobody has discussed any sort of plans with
me. Maybe nothing will happen and it'll be business as usual. Or
maybe there are plans and I'm being kept in the dark in regards
to the whole thing. Both are viable options.
I do hope that the day ends
up being fun, because the last thing I need is a crappy day
tomorrow. I mean, who wants a crappy birthday? I guess I should
keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. Yeah, it'll be
awesome, no doubt.
You heard it here first,
folks. Tomorrow is going to be a great day. Anyone who says
otherwise is a fool or a liar.
Sunday, May 28,
2006; 2:56 p.m.
Here it is, on the eve of
my 24th birthday, and I'm sitting here doing nothing but
blogging. I could probably be out doing something to prepare for
the big day tomorrow, but things don't always turn out the way
we'd want them to. Le sigh.
The looming birthday has
given me a chance to reflect on things. Am I where I should be at
this stage of my life? Probably not. Am I at least on the right
track? That, I do not know.
The path to greatness is a
rough one, but it's particularly rougher right now. I've got a
few accomplishments I need to attain, a few goals I need to
achieve before the journey down that path to greatness can pick
up any speed. These are things that I probably should have dealt
with years ago, but I'm not exactly quick about doing things.
That's my own fault, though. Stupid things happen when you don't
use your brain.
But in any event, I'm
hoping these things will be easier than I'm expecting. These sort
of problems take a little time and patience to sort out, but I'm
not worried. My birthday is tomorrow, which means I get one more
year to straighten out the crap I should have dealt with in the
past. One step forward is better than two backward, right?
Tomorrow is going to be a
day of reckoning. Mark it down.
Saturday, May
27, 2006; 11:42 p.m.
Oh man, today was a long
day. I'm worn out, sunburned, and I'm only really posing for the
sake of doing something. So if this post sucks, at least I have
an excuse. Or something resembling an excuse. Whatever.
I'm sunburned today because
my town had something resembling a Memorial Day Weekend festival,
but considering that my town has about 304 residents (according
to the last census in 2000, that is), it wasn't really much of
anything. But I had a good time hanging out at my uncle's house
all day, so it wasn't a total waste.
In other news, the
revolving taglines are up to 650. See if you can find out which
ones are new. Or if you really want to have fun, try to pick out
the old ones.
And that's all I've got at
this point in time. I wanted to get a post up, so here this is.
Out for now.
Friday, May 26,
2006; 11:57 p.m.
Caught the 7:30 showing of X-Men
3, and while I don't know if I would call it the best of the
trilogy, I liked it a lot. It forsakes character development for
lots and lots of action, but the action is quite entertaining, so
I won't fault it for that. I really had a good time watching it,
and the only major complaints I have are Cyclops getting very
little screen time (apparently because James Marsden was off
filming Superman Returns at the same time), and the fact
that Gambit was nowhere to be found. Hopefully they'll include
Gambit in X-Men 4, if there is one, because he's one of
my favorites. But anyway, I'll give X-Men 3 a solid three
and a half stars, leaning towards four.
Oh, and stay through the
credits. There's a very cool scene at the end.
Thursday, May
25, 2006; 8:40 p.m.
Made plenty of progress on RE:CV
today, and I'm right around halfway through. Y'see, the game is
spread out on two discs, and I just made it through the first
one.
It was rough, too. There
was this one particular boss I had to fight twice, both times
with not a lot of room to get around. I managed to get by him the
first time, then he showed up a second time in the cargo hold of
my airplane just as I was getting ready to make my escape from
this one particular area. He knocked my butt from one end of the
cargo hold to the other, even knocking me out the plane's open
hatch at one point. But I got him good. It took every single
bullet I had, but I got him. Because I rock. I'm going to start
in on the second disc sometime, but hopefully I'll run into some
bullets. I can't be expected to get my kill on without some heavy
artilery.
Regardless, I'm on my way
to victory. You can't stop a survival horror expert like me. You
just can't.
Thursday, May
25, 2006; 1:21 a.m.
Made a little progress on Code
Veronica. I wouldn't say I made a lot, but I did figure out
what I was doing wrong. I got my confusion straightened out, so
that's a little something, right?
A little progress is better
than none, and I might be able to knock it out if I keep chipping
away at it. I'll probably end up chipping away at it forever and
ever, but as long as I get it taken care of, I think I'll be
okay. I've set my mind on defeating RE:CV, and sooner or
later, I'll be getting it done. You know this.
Out until next time.
Wednesday, May
24, 2006; 1:02 p.m.
Man, Resident Evil:
Code Veronica is tougher than I thought. I played it for 45
minutes today, got turned around backwards and couldn't remember
how to get where I needed to go, and ended up getting killed by
two big ugly monsters that can punch me in the face from across
the room. Then there's the rabid dogs, the zombies, the
salamanders that can zap me with electricity, and the giant
man-eating worm that looks like one of the monsters from Tremors.
What doesn't help is that
some of the areas I need to go through are incredibly tough to
navigate. It's like the video game equivalent of Chinese algebra.
I'm supposed to go to this room with a tank in it, and I've
already been through that room once, but I just can't remember
how to find it. And since decent save points are harder to find,
I end up having to start back at this tough-as-nails spot with
those electric salamanders before I can start hunting for it
again. And no, I unfortunately cannot drive the tank (as far as I
know, anyway). I want to, but that would be too convenient, and
Capcom doesn't want me to have any convenience whatsoever.
It might take me a few
months of work, but by golly, I will beat Code Veronica.
The other five games have been overcome, and so will number six.
One of these days, anyway.
Tuesday, May
23, 2006; 10:52 p.m.
Another mini-review to kill
some time.
I caught the 4:50 showing
of See No Evil today, and I'd go out on a limb and say
that it's one of the best movies with a pro wrestler in the lead
role ever made. That isn't saying much, when you consider the
competition is movies like Mr. Nanny and 3 Ninjas:
High Noon on Mega Mountain.
But in any event, the main
cast - or as I prefer to call him, the cannon fodder - is
disposable. Kane, on the other hand, makes for not all that bad
of a villain. He most certainly has the look down, but I think it
might take a few, better-made sequels to put him even in the same
league as the Wishmaster or the Leprechaun, let alone Jason,
Freddy, or Leatherface. But I'll go out on a limb and give See No
Evil a solid three stars. I can't complain.
Monday, May 22,
2006; 4:01 p.m.
Today was a good day. Why?
I got a big birthday present in the mail today.
Coming in all the way from
New Hampshire was a vertitable cornucopia of goodies. Thanks to
Lib, I now have five volumes of the Sin City books (I think all I
need now are "Family Values" and "Hell And
Back," but those shouldn't be too hard to track down), Resident
Evil: Code Veronica X, the DVDs of Jackie Brown and
True Romance, an unauthorized book about ECW, and three
Lego men made to look like Freddy, Jason, and Leatherface. And
let's not forget that cute birthday card, too. I owe you one,
Lib.
While I'm here, I should
thank Dave for the three wrestling DVDs he sent me last week, and
thanks to Mike for the Family Guy DVDs he purchased on
my Amazon wish list a few months back. That was mighty gracious
of you both.
And if the rest of you
readers want to get me something, you jokers have a week. :P
Sunday, May 21,
2006; 4:55 p.m.
Finally, I've got that new
review completed and ready to go live. So check out my review of Hostel by clicking here, and hopefully,
the review turned out better than the actual movie itself.
I've had a few other ideas
for future movies to review, but I'm not exactly certain which
one I want to do next. I'll probably take a little time off
first, because after putting all that work into the Hostel
review, I think I could use a break. I've done a little work on
some, mostly just taking some notes, but nothing major.
I guess I'll figure it out
when I decided to pick up another movie to review. But until
then, readers, excelsior.
I think I've made it
through that rough writing patch, and the rest of that review
should come along nicely when I pick it back up later. At least,
I had better be through that rough patch, because it was
frustrating enough to comeup with what I did.
And that's the weird thing.
Sometimes what I want to say comes easily, while there are those
other times that I can read the dictionary twice and still not
find what I want to say. And then there's those times where I can
be succinct and to the point, and other times that I ramble on
and on and on, and the thing ends up being 50 years long. Either
way, I do enjoy the writing, but she can be a cruel mistress
sometimes.
At least the fun is still
there. That's one of the big reasons I keep going, because I'm
having fun doing it. I'll admit that I get frustrated and worn
out during the making of particular reviews, but when I put the
finishing touches on them and get them uploaded, it can be so
very satisfying. I put a lot of work into them, and I hope it
shows.
Now if only I could make a
decent paycheck doing it...
Monday, May 15,
2006; 7:51 p.m.
I've been putting in a
little work on something new for Sutton At The Movies, but it's
coming along a lot slower than I originally expected. I'm just
having a tough time building up enough enthusiasm to get it done.
I'm constantly getting distracted, or getting up to go do
something else.
Could it be that I've
burned myself out? I have been working awfully hard on a lot of
different reviews lately, so that might be a good excuse. I
really do want to write this new review, but it's like I've just
slipped into a rough patch for now. I know I'll get it knocked
out sooner or later, but all I need is to hit the proper stride.
I'll get there eventually.
It's all just a matter of time.
I think I'll do something I
haven't done in a while. Tonight is the season finale of Smallville,
so let's do a little "Sutton Watches Smallville,"
shall we? Just in case you've forgotten, here's the rules: I
watch Smallville, and jot down my random thoughts as the
show progresses. Got that? Super. And I hope this episode is
good, because I'm giving up the first 20 minutes of the My
Name Is Earl season finale to watch it all the way through.
- Oh no, Lex is having a
stroke!
- So... Lex's stroke
turns into The Lex Witch Project?
- I take that back, he
dropped right into the middle of Close Encounters of
the Third Kind. Maybe he'll make a mashed potato
mountain in the middle of his living room like Richard
Dreyfuss.
- Hmm, Lex just got
beamed up by Brainiac's ship. I just know they're gonna
probe his anus. Alien abductions always lead to that.
Maybe they'll slaughter some cattle and make some crop
circles while they're at it.
- Alright! The first Superman
Returns TV commercial! As much as I like the idea, I
wonder if they could have rebooted it just as easy. I
mean, Chris Reeve's Superman movies went exactly the same
way as the Burton/Schumacher Batman movies. The first two
were awesome, the second two sucked. Warner Brothers
rebooted Batman, so what's wrong with a Superman reboot?
I guess I'll wait and see how Superman Returns
turns out before I start saying what I wish they'd done.
- You know, this whole
Lionel/Martha thing is kinda awkward. A little creepy
too.
- Lana "can't
believe [she] let this happen." Wait, I'm confused.
Why is Lex being a villian and getting abducted by aliens
her fault? Stupid Lana.
- It's about freaking
time Clark starts listening to Jor-El.
- General Zod is my
hero. He better say "kneel before Zod," or else
I'll be upset.
- Zod is going to have
to posess someone to get his body back? ...Okay. Why am I
reminded of Chucky from the first three Child's Play
movies?
- Ooh, snap. Even if
they are having Zod possess Lex, at least they're finally
pulling the trigger on Clark vs. Lex.
- That's a fancy looking
dagger. I want one.
- Man, Lex looks pretty
good for a guy that just got abducted by aliens and got
the consciousness of a Kryptonian villian stuck in his
brain.
- Whoa! That was a
wicked elbow to the face.
- Lex with superpowers,
hmm? I wonder if he's allergic to kryptonite too.
- You know, Lex, if you
really wanted to test your powers, you could have aimed
the gun at your head instead of your hand. If it turns
out you didn't have powers, then you're doing everyone a
favor in the long run.
- Aw, geez. If Lana
takes Lex's display of power that easily, then I'm sure
Clark may not have had it that badly. But Clark and Lana
are stupid, but who knows.
- Way to go, Lana, ya
friggin' snitch. You know, I never liked Lana.
- It seems like everyone
ends up in the hospital in every episode. Their insurance
rates must be through the roof.
- If someone decided to
do a Smallville spinoff with Lionel, I'd watch
that every week. John Glover is awesome.
- You're better off
without Lana, Clark. She's a shrew.
- You know who else is
awesome? James Marsters. I'd hope for him to be in every
episode next season, but that would probably prevent him
from doing that Spike movie I've heard about. I'm so torn
now. Which do I like more, Brainiac or Spike? It's like
chosing which of my children I love more.
- So let me see if I've
got this right... Brainiac is going to conquer with a
blackout, making the computers look like something out of
The Matrix, and uploading a Kryptonian version
of Skynet into the Internet?
- Whoa, awesome. Clark
needs to catch speeding cars one-handed more often.
- Yay, Chloe kissed
Clark! I know Clark is supposed to be with Lois in the
end, but I'm rooting for Chloe.
- Milton
"Brainiac" Fine: Kryptonian supercomputer,
conquerer of Earth, air traffic controller.
- Thanks for calling
Clark out on his bullcrap, Lex.
- "At least I
walked away with the part you loved the most."
Owned!
- Oh man! Zod has
arrived! I was hoping he'd be Terrence Stamp like in Superman
2, but I'll take what I can get.
- Is it just me, or are
they really playing up Superman's messianic allegory?
- It's about time Clark
flew when he wasn't hopped up on red kryptonite.
- Come on, Clark, snatch
that plane, or else Ma Kent and Lois will be goners.
- Is that stock footage
of the Rodney King riot, or am I imagining things?
- One little blackout,
and the whole world goes nuts. Do people in big cities
know how to be calm in emergencies, or are they naturally
crazy? This whole place is like they just dropped
Scarecrow's fear toxin from Batman Begins on the
city.
- Lana knows kung fu!
She just won me back.
- Run, Lana! Run for
your life, get some help! No, don't make out with him!
Geez, just when she has me, she pushes me away again.
Can't you do something useful for a change, you dumb
bimbo? It's no wonder Clark ends up with Lois and not
you.
- Wait a doggone minute
here... Clark is in the Phantom Zone? I guess he didn't
fly after all, he just got sucked up into Krypto-prison.
That was a heck of an
ending. Lex/Zod and Lana are necking up on the rooftops of
Metropolis, Clark is in the Phantom Zone, Martha and Lois are
flying with Brainiac Airlines and are about to die, Chloe looks
like she's about to be on the recieving end of a gang rape, and
Lionel is God knows where. Hurry up and get here, next season! I
don't know if I can handle another four-month hiatus.
However, the big question I
have is this: must everyone in the universe fall in love with
Lana? You remember Poochie from The Simpsons? Lana is
kinda like that. She's annoying and absolutely dreadful, but
everyone loves her and thinks she's pretty and perfect. I guess
Zod got his brain swiss-cheesed with Lex's, because if he really
hated humans so much, he'd have just chucked Lana off the
building and laughed as she hit the pavement.
And now on to the second
half of My Name Is Earl's season finale. Out until
season six.
Thursday, May
11, 2006; 7:34 p.m.
I mentioned earlier that I
was going through Resident Evil 4 again. Well, guess
what?
I just beat it for the
sixth time.
With 919 enemies killed and
a total playing time of five hours, 35 minutes, and 49 seconds
(which beat my previous time by about an hour or thereabouts), I
claimed my sixth victory in RE4's main game. And I knew
hanging on to Ada's special bazooka after the last go-around
would come in handy too, because with it, my fight with Saddler
at the very end lasted all of twenty seconds. How's that for a
final boss battle? I only died six times during the game, the
majority of which were caused by Ashley not bothering to get her
sorry butt out of the way of one of my bullets.
But all in all, a good run.
Maybe I'll go for lucky number seven sometime.
Thursday, May
11, 2006; 3:20 p.m.
I put a little work into
some new reviews, but nothing major has been completed as of yet.
Netflix is shipping me a movie today, and once it shows up in my
mailbox in the next day or two, I'm going to jump into a review
headfirst. I've been thinking about reviewing both the original When
A Stranger Calls and its remake sometime in the future, so
once the remake is available, I'll have two more reviews to add
to the archives. I've been a reviewing machine this year, and I
don't plan on slowing down.
Meanwhile, I've jumped back
into Resident Evil 4, and I'm making great time. I'm
already on the island, and dead ahead is the U-3. And as much as I love the
Handcannon, I'm finding the Chicago Typewriter to be much more
effective when I'm being swarmed by freaks. Rapid-fire can
definitely trump one shot a time when need be, but it's a balance
of finding out what works in what situations. And really, a good
balance of both weaponry and strategy is important. You don't
want to take a knife to a shootout, and you don't want to storm
into a room full of monsters without a plan. Sometimes it just
doesn't pay to kick in a door and burst in with guns blazing.
I've discovered that hiding in one corner of the room with a
sniper rifle can be a good idea. It all comes down to being
strategic, and being a master of one's surroundings. And a little
heavy artilery is helpful too. That's why I've beaten Resident
Evil 4 five times, with a sixth victory coming soon.
Man, I'm addicted to this
game.
Wednesday, May
10, 2006; 7:29 p.m.
You know, I noticed
something a little while ago. I was going back through my March
2006 archives looking for an old post of mine, and I noticed all
of my comments had disappeared. The only ones still around are
the ones from April and May. Every other comment before that,
from both Blogger and Tripod, aren't showing up. The funny thing
is that all the comments from January to now are showing up
between January to now in HaloScan's control panel, but just
aren't showing up here. And needless to say, I'm both confused
and a little bummed.
I did a wee bit of
research, and it turns out that HaloScan does this in order to
save bandwidth and memory, but I could keep them if I upgraded to
a premium account. I'm most certainly not going to pay to keep my
comments around, so sooner or later, I may just switch over to
the comment feature that Blogger offers. I don't want my comments
getting deleted, after all. Unfortunately, that means all the
comments that were still around on Blogger aren't available on
the main page anymore, but I guess sacrifices have to be made in
order to make sure things work properly.
I'll probably still keep
the HaloScan comments up at Tripod. The Blogger Experience is the
one everyone reads and comments on, so I don't think comments on
the Tripod blog disappearing will end up being that big of a
deal. And if Blogger starts deleting comments, I'm just gonna
throw a fit.
Tuesday, May 9,
2006; 3:36 p.m.
Yesterday was such a long
day. I'd have written up a post about it last night, but I was
too tired to do it. But today is a new day, right?
The day began around 12:30
or so, when myself and Mo went down to Greensburg to visit a
little hole in the wall café called "Dumas Walker's."
We don't know the real name of it, but that's what we call it, so
whatever. I'd been there a few times back when I was in college,
but it's been nearly five years since I've been there. The place
wasn't exactly how I remembered it due to some aesthetic changes,
but I'm not going to complain about getting a burger, fries, and
a drink for $2.75.
After leaving Dumas's, we
stopped off in my old stomping grounds of Campbellsville for some
bowling. We played six games; Mo did great, I did horribly. I
finally hit my groove in the seventh game, but we had to cut it
short in the sixth frame. The thing that resets the pins got
stuck, and after waiting 20 minutes for it to get fixed, we
decided to wrap it up and leave. Just I was on a roll too, no pun
intended. But now the bowling has come back to haunt me, because
now my back and right arm are killing me. I'll survive, though.
There were also some other
stuff that happened, but Mo's asked me not to blog about it
because he doesn't want the whole world to know. Yeah, like the
whole world reads this. Only two of my four readers have ever met
him, so I don't think it would really matter. But I'll humor him
and not say anything here. Let's just say that I hope his radar
detector will start coming more in handy in the future.
Came home to watch Raw,
and that was it for the day. I was worn out, but I could probably
use more days like yesterday.
Yeah, I totally could.
I should really get around
to finding some spare DVD cases. I've got a few DVDs whose cases
aren't in the best of shape (like Forever Hardcore and Blair
Witch 2), and I'm sure I could find replacement cases at a
reasonable price somewhere. It's not that big of a deal and I'm
not in that huge of a rush, but this sort of thing is a minor
annoyance I could do without. Yes, I'm weird. Why do you ask?
Outside of that, there
really isn't a whole lot going on worth talking about here. I did
download Backlash after three days or so of working at it, just
so I could have a copy of the TV broadcast. But seeing as how my
computer operates with Stone Age technology, I probably won't
have all that great of a time watching it on my computer. But at
least I have it, right? I'll probably have to invest in a DVD
burner sometime in the future, so I can have that to accompany
WWE's official release of the show. The same goes for last year's
edition of ECW's One Night Stand, the TV broadcast of which I
have burned onto some CDs around here somewhere. WWE's release of
it is edited, so having the TV broadcast is a fun companion. But
I'd just like to have it burned on a DVD so I can watch it on my
television.
And that's all I've got for
now. TTFN, folks.
Caught the 9:55 showing of An
American Haunting in Danville.
I didn't know all that much
about the movie going in, other than it was supposedly inspired
by Tennessee's "Bell Witch" legend. And if you ask me,
I thought the movie was mediocre at best. It wasn't awful, but
I've seen far better movies. The concept of the movie is this: a
woman in 2006 discovers a diary from the 1800s, kept by a
previous resident of her house. As she reads the diary, we see
one of several viewpoints regarding the Bell Witch's origin. The
scenes set in present day are useless and accomplish absolutely
nothing outside of a predictable scare at the end of the movie.
Honestly, the movie seemed
to bear too close of a resemblance to the far superior The
Exorcism of Emily Rose, since An American Haunting's
female lead occasionally suffered from what appeared to be
supernaturally-influenced seizures. And if I wanted to watch The
Exorcism of Emily Rose, I would do so. I did like Donald
Sutherland's performance, and I thought Sissy Spacek was
underused, but there's no reason for you to feel bad if you miss
the movie. An American Haunting gets a disappointing two
and a half stars. I didn't have any expectations at all,
and it still let me down.
For shame, An American
Haunting. For shame.
I've been kicking around a
few ideas for some new additions to the S@TM archives. Some, I'd
really like to do. Others, I'd be reviewing simply for the sake
of reviewing them. I'll have to weed out the want-to's from the
could-do's sometime, because I'd rather do the ones I would enjoy
writing before doing the ones that are there just to be there.
I'm going to work this out
one way or another. The reviews are my babies, and any work I put
into them has to satisfy me first and foremost. Yes, my readers
are important, but if I'm not happy with my work, I'm not sure
you guys will enjoy it either. It's a delicate balance, folks.
But some of the reviews I'm
considering, I think I would really enjoy writing them. There are
only two real things slowing me down. One is finding the proper
poster art to accompany them. I know it's a minor, unimportant
detail, but it's something I like to do. Consider it an OCD, if
you want. The second thing is simply setting my mind to writing
them.
I'll probably get around to
each of them sooner or later, one way or another. Like I've said
a zillion times in the past, things will always work themselves
out.
You know, for a guy that
complains about having anything to talk about, I sure do post an
awful lot.
Now that Backlash is in the
history books, I don't have any reviews on the current docket,
and I've absolutely descimated Resident Evil 4, I've
come down with a nasty case of writer's block. I could always go
back to doing nothing but posting those quickie movie reviews
every other weekend, but I've gotten more into the routine of
posting about a little bit of everything.
I guess I could start going
back to the time-tested method of simply making things up as I go
along. I do that a lot anyway, so it isn't like I would have to
make any drastic changes. So I think I'll start doing that a
little more often.
And... go!
I feel the need... the need
to post. Okay, so that didn't rhyme like it did in Top Gun.
Shut up.
I got Wolf Creek
from Netflix yesterday, and I haven't had much of a real
opportunity to watch it yet. But I have it on good authority that
it isn't all that bad. I'll trust Libby over Roger Ebert any day.
And I'm planning on reviewing Wolf Creek for Sutton At
The Movies, so you'll have that to look forward to.
I've got my eye on
reviewing Hostel too, so hopefully, Netflix won't make
me wait too long for it once I send Wolf Creek back. If
I can get then both done right away, I'm planning on doing them
both as a "Torture Horror Double Feature" or somesuch.
It's no Super Saturday (remember that from forever ago?), but
it'd be something. I do what I can.
But I'm totally looking
forward to sitting down and watching Wolf Creek, because
if anything is insane, it's a foreign horror movie. I've seen
Japanese, French, and British horror (and even a little Korean
horror), and they're all wild, so I wonder how crazy Australian
horror is. It better be good, but if not, I hope it's still a fun
review to write.
Out for now.
Backlash was last night,
and I had a really fun time. I even picked up a souvenir. I'll probably have to wait until I
get to watch the DVD before I really get to see how it turned out
on television, but I had a ball being there in person. I ended up
taking almost 250 pictures, but most of them turned out being
ungodly blurry, and thus not that good. If I had a tripod or
closer seats, it would have turned out okay, but some of the ones
that could be salvaged weren't all that bad. If anybody wants to
see them, just ask and I'll try hook you up with a few of them.
But here's some quick thoughts...
- You know, you never
know how loud or how hot the pyro is until you're in the
same building with it.
- The Kane/Big Show
match was bleh, and the ending was mind-numbingly stupid.
There, I said it.
- The ending of the
Mickie James/Trish Stratus match seemed way out of
nowhere, but after hearing Trish dislocated her shoulder,
I understand why. I don't how how it came across on TV,
but Trish's bump over the ropes looked really ugly. I'm
not surprised she hurt herself.
- You know what else was
fun? The McMahons vs. Shawn Michaels and God. That's
right, I went there. I really thought the match was
entertaining, even if the idea of it was silly. The bump
off the stage was crazy enough, but Shawn diving from the
ladder to the floor was insane!
- "Matt Striker
Loves Poop." Teehee. Though I don't see why he would
make a reference to illegally recruited basketball
players. That was 15 years ago, and it's the football
team with the recruiting woes now. Not that anybody in
Kentucky cares about football, but still.
- Cena wins... again. I
guess they figured that they needed as big a heel as they
could get to appear at One Night Stand next month, and
the diehard ECW fans will eat Cena alive. But I will say
that the triple threat match was a lot of fun, no matter
who won.
And that's all I've got.
Fun night, fun show. I want to do it again sometime.
Today is the big day, and
the next seven hours are going to be crazy, I just know it. Like
I said a few posts back, even if the matches are subpar, I've
dedicated myself to having a good time at Backlash. Ain't nothin'
gonna stop me now.
In other news, I played
through the first village in Resident Evil 4 with the
Handcannon yesterday after I unlocked it, and it's too cool for
school. I upgraded it as far as I could get it, and that thing
really is like a cannon shrunk down into handgun form. Usually it
takes three or four shots to bust down a wooden door, but this
bad boy will take it down in one. How awesome is that? I might
have to play a little further than the village one of these days,
just to see how quickly I can take out some of the bigger freaks.
The Chicago Typewriter is great, and I don't want to dog it, but
I think the Handcannon just may be cooler than it. It better be,
for all the effort I had to put forth to acquire it.
Backlash is in 24 hours or
thereabouts, and the anticipation here is at a fever pitch.
The show is the first
televised wrestling event I've ever attended, and the first WWE
show I've been to since the summer of 2003. So yeah, you'd be
correct in assuming that I'm at least a little excited. Why
wouldn't I be? I've been excited for every show I've been to, but
this one is a little special because myself and everyone in
attendance get to share it with the entire world. Plus I'll get
to own my own copy of the show in about a month (or whenever the
DVD is released). So that makes Backlash a little different,
doesn't it?
I'm such a mark.
Saturday,
April 29, 2006; 3:41 p.m.
Just a few moments ago, I
achieved something that I never thought I could. I have
absolutely conquered, dominated, and destroyed the Mercenaries
mini-game on Resident Evil 4. Four levels. Five
characters. Twenty five-star runs. And now, the Handcannon is
unlocked. I thought I was unstoppable before, but now I'm even
moreso. I can now say that I have absolutely, without a doubt,
defeated Resident Evil 4. All of it.
Time to party.
I really want to post, but
I'm having a hard time thinking of a specific topic of
discussion. This seems to happen a lot. But like any good blog
writer, I'll just make it up as I go along. Come on, Alice, let's
see how deep this rabbit hole goes.
Backlash is the day after
tomorrow, and you can expect a big post about it around Monday or
thereabouts. And depending on how the pictures I take turn out,
it'll probably be an illustrated post too. I'll probably do a
quickie post about it on Sunday night after the show just to get
my immediate thoughts down. Besides, I'll probably be too worn
out from all the excitement to really get too in depth right
away. But I do plan on letting you guys reading know what it was
like inside Rupp Arena during the show. I like to keep my readers
updated on all the happenings in Suttonville, after all.
And that's all I've got for
tonight. I wanted to get a post up, and I'm satisfied with my
efforts here. I'm gonna wrap it up for the night, and until next
time, excelsior.
I saw Silent Hill
again this afternoon, and I liked it just as much as I did on
Sunday.
Personally, I liked it a
lot more the second time around. While I found the acting average
the first time, the cast grew on me the second time. Everyone is
quirky and unique, and I really enjoyed Laurie Holden as the
cynical cop who just wants to leave without suffering any
grievous bodily harm.
The plot is kinda weak, but
it's really secondary to the movie's motivation and intent. The
driving force behind the movie is its desire to absolutely screw
with the head of everyone in the audience. It's chock full of
mind-bending visuals, terrifying monsters with a thirst for
carnage and violence, and sound design that would make me wet my
pants if I heard it in a haunted house. From that aspect, the
movie is wonderful. Also wonderful is composer Jeff Danna's
adaptation of Akira Yamaoka's awesome music from the Silent
Hill games. The music is nothing short of outstanding.
The three and a half star
review I gave it on Sunday stands, and I give it a
recommendation. It isn't for those who don't like bizarre movies
or who have weak constitutions, but I recommend it all the same.
Out for now.
Wednesday,
April 26, 2006; 11:30 p.m.
I posted earlier about my
progress on the Mercenaries side-game on Resident Evil 4,
but I just made more progress than I ever imagined. Using Wesker
and his handy-dandy sniper rifle in the castle level, I
annihilated 120 freaks for a final score of 108,420 points. That
blew away my previous personal high score of 88,040.
In short, I rule.
Wednesday,
April 26, 2006; 4:12 p.m.
Made more progress in Resident
Evil 4.
What kind of progress, you
ask? I got my fourth five-star run with Leon today, which gives
me four with him and four with Krauser. I still have those
remaining twelve to get, so I'll have to start picking away at it
with Ada, Hunk, and Wesker sometime. That's on my "To
Do" list somewhere, for sure.
I just want to unlock that
elusive Handcannon. I've got a good five or six million pesetas
saved up in the main game, so price is not an issue. Getting
there, on the other hand, will take a little time and effort.
But I'll get there, by hook
or by crook.
Wednesday,
April 26, 2006; 2:18 p.m.
Moving on to other topics,
Backlash is this coming Sunday, and I'm über-excited, of course.
I'm bummed that the Spirit Squad wasn't booked for a match, but
I'm sure the show will still be fun. And even if Ric Flair is
stuck wrestling an opponent I don't care much for, I'm glad he'll
be there. I've seen him live once before, when he was managing
Randy Orton at the house show I attended in 2003, but I've never
seen him actually wrestle. I still want to see Hulk Hogan in
person since I think I'm one of the last true Hulkamaniacs, but I
certainly won't complain about what I'm getting.
While I'm looking forward
to every match on the show, I'm probably looking forward to the
women's title match most of all. If you're a regular follower of
the Matt Sutton Experience, then you probably saw my post about Mickie James a few weeks back. I'm proud that
she's hit the big time, and I'm not completely sure, but I think
Sunday will make her the only second person I've seen in person
at both an OVW show and a WWE show, and the first that's booked
in matches at both.
Good times.
Wednesday,
April 26, 2006; 12:38 p.m.
Most of you readers in the
loop have heard about what happened to my sister, and on her
behalf, thank you for the happy thoughts.
For those of you out of the
loop, here's what happened. My little sister Bet wrecked her car
late Monday night and had to be taken via helicopter to the
University of Kentucky's hospital. The details are a little
sketchy because Bet doesn't remember much, but she apparently ran
off the road, took out a fence, and the car flipped end over end
a few times before stopping very close to a pond. Luckily for
her, the car landed right side up and not in the pond. Two wheels
broke off and the paramedics had to cut the roof off the car, so
unless she's pretty good with a welder's torch or wants a
two-wheeled convertable, I doubt she'll be driving it anymore.
But don't worry, she's
okay. She's stiff as a board from being immobilized for 12 hours,
and her arm is wraped up in a splint due to what I think is nerve
damage in her wrist. But that'll get better. As long as she isn't
dead, things are going to be fine.
Once again, thanks for the
happy thoughts.
Finally, I have all three
of those reviews finished and ready to share with the viewing
public. So for your perusal, I have reviews of three huge monkey
movies: the 1933, 1976, and 2005 versions of King Kong.
Check 'em out.
Monday, April
24, 2006; 3:51 p.m.
As it's become my wont over
the years, here's the nominees for this year's MTV Movie Awards.
I do it with the Oscars and Razzies, might as well post the
Moonmen.
Best Movie:
- The 40-Year-Old
Virgin
- Batman Begins
- King Kong
- Sin City
- Wedding Crashers
Best Performance:
- Steve Carell, The
40-Year-Old Virgin
- Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback
Mountain
- Terrence Howard, Hustle
& Flow
- Rachel McAdams, Red
Eye
- Joaquin Phoenix, Walk
The Line
- Reese Witherspoon, Walk
The Line
Best Comedic
Performance:
- Steve Carell, The
40-Year-Old Virgin
- Tyler Perry, Madea's
Family Reunion
- Adam Sandler, The
Longest Yard
- Vince Vaughn, Wedding
Crashers
- Owen Wilson, Wedding
Crashers
Best Frightened
Performance:
- Jennifer Carpenter, The
Exorcism of Emily Rose
- Dakota Fanning, War
of the Worlds
- Paris Hilton, House
of Wax
- Rachel Nichols, The
Amityville Horror
- Derek Richardson, Hostel
Sexiest
Performance:
- Jessica Alba, Sin
City
- Beyoncé Knowles, The
Pink Panther
- Rob Schneider, Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo
- Jessica Simpson, The
Dukes of Hazzard
- Ziya Zhang, Memoirs
of a Geisha
Breakthrough
Performance:
- Andre "3000"
Benjamin, Four Brothers
- Jennifer Carpenter, The
Exorcism of Emily Rose
- Isla Fisher, Wedding
Crashers
- Taraji P. Henson, Hustle
& Flow
- Romany Malco, The
40-Year-Old Virgin
- Nelly, The Longest
Yard
Best On-Screen
Team:
- Steve Carell, Paul
Rudd, Seth Rogan, and Romany Malco from The
40-Year-Old Virgin
- Johnny Knoxville,
Seann William Scott, and Jessica Simpson from The
Dukes of Hazzard
- Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica
Alba, Chris Evans, and Michael Chiklis from Fantastic
Four
- Danial Radcliffe, Emma
Watson, and Rupert Grint from Harry Potter & The
Goblet of Fire
- Vince Vaughn and Owen
Wilson from Wedding Crashers
Best Hero:
- Jessica Alba, Fantastic
Four
- Christian Bale, Batman
Begins
- Kate Beckinsale, Underworld:
Evolution
- Ewan McGregor, Star
Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Danial Radcliffe, Harry
Potter & The Goblet of Fire
Best Villain:
- Tobin Bell, Saw II
- Hayden Christensen, Star
Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Ralph Fiennes, Harry
Potter & The Goblet of Fire
- Cillian Murphy, Batman
Begins
- Tilda Swinton, The
Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, & The
Wardrobe
Best Fight:
- Kong vs. the planes in
King Kong
- Stephen Chow vs. the
axe gang in Kung Fu Hustle
- Angelina Jolie vs.
Brad Pitt in Mr. & Mrs. Smith
- Ewan McGregor vs.
Hayden Christensen in Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge
of the Sith
Best Kiss:
- Jake Gyllenhaal and
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
- Taraji P. Henson and
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
- Anna Faris and Chris
Marquette, Just Friends
- Angelina Jolie and
Brad Pitt, Mr. & Mrs. Smith
- Rosario Dawson and
Clive Owen, Sin City
So there you are, the
nominees for this year's MTV Movie Awards. I must say, I don't
get the reasoning behind nominating just
Jessica Alba for "best hero" when 1.) she was a part of
a bigger group of heroes, and 2.) she was the weak link in the
cast to begin with.
But what do I know, I don't
pick these nominees.
I caught a 1:00 showing of Silent
Hill, and it is very much an H.P. Lovecraft story if it were
told by David Lynch. It's a very surreal, bizarre experience with
evil cults and deformed monsters, and a seemingly ambiguous
ending that can be confusing if you aren't familiar with the Silent
Hill universe. I'll admit, it confused me somewhat, since
I've never played any of the games. But after reading some of the
theories posted online, I understand it a little better.
Silent Hill is
dark, demented, violent, and frightening. However, I do have a
couple of minor complaints. The acting is hit-or-miss at times, a
particular subplot ends with seemingly no resolution, and I
wasn't exactly thrilled with the climax, and the movie sometimes
seemed almost too dark (in terms of poor
lighting). However, complaints aside, I thought the movie was a
very exciting, trippy movie. Three and a half stars
for Silent Hill, which just may be the best cinematic
adaptation of a video game ever.
That's right, I said it.
Sunday,
April 23, 2006; 12:17 p.m.
Just a few minutes ago, I
conquered Resident Evil 4 for the fifth time. Final
stats: 939 enemies killed, with a final time of six hours, 37
minutes, and 54 seconds. That beats my old time of just over nine
hours. Sadly, I was killed eleven times, the most since my first
time through. For those counting, that was one accidental Ashley
kill, and ten deaths via rolling boulder. Those are tough, and
I'm not Indiana Jones. It happens. And I must admit, this time
around is memorable for me, as I managed to kill Saddler without
having to use that special rocket Ada throws you.
Because I don't need
special tools to know how to rock.
I got a
fever, and the only prescription is more Resident Evil 4.
That, and more cowbell. Gotta have more cowbell.
I've
been playing that Mercenaries side game a lot lately, and I
finally achieved a five-star ranking on every level with Krauser.
It'll take a lot of time and effort, but I'm hoping to one day
accomplish the same with the other four characters. That reward
awaiting me on the other side of the necessary twenty five-star
runs is daring me to come after it, and I'll get there soon
enough. It's the only thing in the game that I have left to
unlock, so I'm going to keep plugging away at it. That reward is
going to be mine.
I've
also put some thought into playing through the main game one more
time. That's the great thing about Resident Evil 4. Once
you get the hang of the controls and really get engrossed in it,
the replayability is high. It's for sure my favorite game in my
rather meager video game collection. If Capcom had the idea to
remake the other five games in the core series using RE4's
engine, they'd be even more awesome. I sadly have yet to play Code
Veronica, but I do know that the Gamecube's versions of RE2
and RE3 could use a major overhaul in the graphics
department. They're still fun, but it's hard to get into these
clunky PS1-era graphics when RE0, the remake of RE1,
and RE4 have these awesome visuals. But I guess that
I'll survive, because if I'd played the games in their original
forms ten years ago, I probably wouldn't have complained. So what
do I know, huh?
And
that's it for now. I might have more later if I can think of
something. But if I don't, I think today was a good day for
blogging. TTFN, dear readers.
Wednesday,
April 19, 2006; 12:01 a.m.
This isn't much news, but
it's something. I talked to my usual partner in crime about ten
minutes ago, and he hasn't had the chance to speak to his
department manager about his hours on the 30th. He's gonna try as
soon as he can (which I hope is very soon, since the show is only
a week and a half away), though he didn't shoot down my idea of
calling in sick if he has to. I'll call in sick for him if I have
to, just as long as he can get that night off. I would.
I think the situation is on
its way to getting worked out, and hopefully this little turn in
the road to the pay-per-view has been just a minor speed bump.
But let's just wait and see what happens next.
Another day, another post.
Let's go to work.
I haven't gotten any
updated on the Backlash situation yet. But once I find out,
you'll hear it here first. This ordeal better rectify itself in a
positive way, because I haven't spent the last few weeks getting
excited for nothing. At the very least, I'd hope my buddy would
be able to trade shifts with someone. Or maybe he could just call
in sick and go hang out with me. I'd skip work to hang out with
me any day of the week. Who wouldn't want to do that?
But as I said, I'm sure the
situation will work itself out. These things always do.
Sometimes I wonder about
the nature of The Matt Sutton Experience.
I started up on Tripod.com
back in 2001 simply because my neighbor Kenny had his own blog on
Tripod. I saw his and figured if he could do that, so could I. I
didn't really have any idea or real plan what I wanted to do with
it, or if anyone would ever read it. But it was there. After four
years of plying my trade at Tripod, I moved over to Blogger.
Again, everybody else is doing it, why didn't I. I liked the
layout, and I thought (and still think) it's more efficiant than
working with my older setup. I still keep the Tripod blog around,
and I don't plan on parting ways with it. ButI know what I
prefer, y'know what I mean?
But nearly four and a half
years after I opened up my little shop of horrors, I think I've
finally found purpose. What started as a way for me to rip off my
neighbor is now a labor of love. Both the Original Experience and
the New Hotness serve as a place for me to collect my thoughts,
to speack my mind, and to share with what little readership I
have. The Matt Sutton Expericence, in both its forms, have
evolved from a poorly produced attempt at a personal website, to
not really much of anything, to the unchained beast it is today.
The blog has become much
more entertaining and fun over the years, especially on a
personal level. I wrote sometime back that if it wasn't fun, I
wouldn't do it. And it's still fun. I'm enjoying what I do here.
I'll admit that I don't operate the best blog out there, but I do
what I can. And though I don't have many readers (that I know
about, anyway), I hope the ones I do have are enjoying the
journey.
I know I am.
I had an idea for a review
or two I could write after the hat trick I'm working on is
finished up, but I'll probably wait until Netflix sends them to
me before I decide whether or not I'll commit to reviews. I don't
want to say I'll write about them, then watch them and not want
to write the reviews. Even if it's a bad review, I like to have a
little enthusiasm while writing. Take, for example, my reviews of
Superman IV and Catwoman. I don't particularly
writing bad reviews, but my complete and total disappointment in
regards to those two movies really made it easy to make fun of
them. And I have no problem making fun of a bad movie if it
deserves it.
Out for now.
Wednesday,
April 12, 2006; 8:32 p.m.
Why can I never think of
any decent things to post about? Man, this is tougher than I
thought. Eh, I'm sure I'll think of something. I've never let a
little thing like writer's block slow me down before, have I? Of
course not.
And I think I have
something...
I got the first
Wrestlemania from Netflix yesterday, thanks to the third review I
had briefly being listed as a "short wait." (Don't
fret, the three reviews will be coming soon, I promise.) I know
it was 1985 and that it was the first one, but whose bright idea
was it to include two jobber squashes on the biggest show of the
year? And is it just me, or did the timekeeper get distracted for
15 seconds or so during that Bundy/Jones match? Or was he living
in some kind of weird time warp? Because announcing that a
25-second match lasted only nine is a little odd.
But I guess everything has
to start somewhere, so I can't really knock on the first
Wrestlemania. Can I?
Wrestlemania 22 was Sunday
night, and sadly, I missed it. But I'm definitely going to buy
the DVD, as I've made it a habit to buy Wrestlemania's DVD
release every year. I've picked up the individual DVDs of 15
through 21, though I haven't had the chance to pick up one
through 14. But once I come across the $150 to $200 it'd take to
get them all, I totally will. I'm a completist, no matter what.
My personal favorite bit of news coming out
of Wrestlemania is that Mickie James won the Women's
Championship. Those of you I talk wrestling with know that she's
currently one of my favorite wrestlers. I first ran across her
when she was in TNA as a valet for Raven, using her old indy name
"Alexis Laree." She didn't wrestle all that much, but I
ended up becoming a fan primarily because I thought she was cute.
(I'm just a man, after all.) She ended up getting hired by WWE
and assigned to their OVW farm team here in Kentucky, and that's
where I really grew to appreciate her. I mean, she was just
awesome in the ring. If you can ever find a tape of one of her
matches with Smackdown's Jillian Hall, check it out.
There's one from sometime last year that's absolutely amazing, if
you can find it. And getting to sit in the second row and watch
her wrestle at an OVW show is one of my prouder moments as a
wrestling fan.
I'm really happy that she
got promoted to WWE, so a wider audience can see what I've been
enjoying watching so much. Like Libby said over at her blog, the Single White Female
angle with Trish Stratus has been pure gold. She's great in the
ring and plays a great psycho, and putting the title on her
totally makes this fan happy.
And that's all I've got.
TTFN, dear readers.
And now for another
follow-up.
After making a few phone
calls and putting the powers that be on the hunt, I discovered
that the closest Ticketmaster retailer no longer existed, despite
still being listed on Ticketmaster's website. Despite the wild
goose chase, the story does have a happy ending. I did what I
probably should have done in the first place and placed my order
online, and my tickets should arrive via UPS in about two days or
so. The seats are in the sixth row of Section 20, and if you're
interested, you can see how the seats line up with the rest of
the arena by checking out this seating chart, or you can check out what my view
of the action will be by clicking here.
And oddly enough, the seats
are only one section over from where I sat at the very first WWE
event I ever went to, all the way back the summer of 1998. In
Section 21 at my first house show to Section 20 at my first
televised show... It's the circle of life, folks.
If you're a regular
follower of the blog, you might remember a post I made around
three or four weeks ago concering a pay-per-view event that WWE
would be running here in Kentucky next month. As a follow-up to
that, I wanted to mention that there's a definite possibility
that I'll be attending. The tickets went on sale yesterday, and
after a discussion with the powers that be around here, I might
just get to go. The seats aren't going to be ringside ones (since
I don't have $175 to throw around), and I doubt they'll even be
the second best seats (since I don't have $75 to throw around).
I'm hoping that I'll at least be able to get tickets somewhere
within in the $50 range, which would land me in the green seats
on this seating chart. And even if I end up with seats
that aren't all that great, it's my belief that crappy seats are
better than no seats.
Keep in mind that I'll have
to talk to my regular running buddies before anything is
finalized, and I don't want to say I'm going until I'm holding
the tickets in my hand. But there's definitely a chance, and I'm
totally hoping that I'll be able to make it. And if I don't, I
could always buy the pay-per-view broadcast. I'd rather be there
in person, but I'll take what I can get.
Thursday, March
23, 2006; 11:26 p.m.
You've all heard of that
social networking site MySpace, right? I really hate it
sometimes. Most of you know that my computer is Stone Age
technology, and I often joke that it's operated by a hamster in a
little wheel (a hamster that I've since named "El Hámster
Magnífico"). And good ol' El Hámster Magnífico decided he
was going to take a cigarette break when I tried to open up more
than one My Space profile at a time. I know El Hámster
Magnífico can't help being slow (since that happens in old age),
but I hear the quagmire that is MySpace is super-slow even for
people with state-of-the-art computers. Come on, MySpace. I don't
really need to see fifty million profiles with a zillion little
icons, three music videos, a cute little cursor icon, and a song.
It doesn't help those of us who aren't technologically
privileged. So in short: Keep it simple, you goshdarn
you-know-whaties!
Man, three angry rants in a
row. I need to think of something happy to talk about for a
change.
I ranted about my dislike
for edited-for-TV movies on Saturday, but there's something
that's been bugging me a lot more lately: Larry the Cable Guy.
I've seen the commercial
for his new movie, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector,
a zillion times over the last week or so, and it looks to be a
case of the only funny jokes in the movie getting stuck into the
commercial. I haven't seen the movie, so I can't really judge it.
But if it's anything like Larry's stand-up act, then it'll be a
sure-fire Razzie nominee. And if he's a "cable guy,"
why is he the health inspector? He already has a job. I guess
they didn't want to associate it with that Jim Carrey movie The
Cable Guy, I don't know.
For those of you who've had
the good fortune to never hear of this loser, Larry the Cable Guy
is the stage name of Dan Whitney, a member of the "Blue
Collar Comedy" troupe. His gimmick is that he's a
stereotypical redneck turned up to eleven, to the point that many
of his jokes could come across as being racist and homophobic.
The rest of his act involves either fart jokes or jokes about
non-existent members of his family. Don't get me wrong, I have no
problem with southern humor. I'm actually a fan Larry's three
Blue Collar colleagues, Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Jeff
Foxworthy. But what seperates Larry from the other three is the
fact that I just don't think he's very funny. Very rarely does he
get any real laughs from me personally, as most of the time the
only laughing I do is at how lame the majority of his jokes are.
If you like Larry, more
power to you. Like everything, your mileage may vary. But I'll
stick to the other Blue Collars, Dane Cook, and the late great
Mitch Hedberg, thank you very much.
So I was watching part of Freddy
vs. Jason on the Sci-Fi Channel tonight, even though I've
seen it quite a few times and I bought the DVD the day it came
out. But that's beside the point. Anyway, I was watching Freddy
vs. Jason, and I'm really starting to hate movies edited for
television. It's so obvious, and it takes me right out of the
movie. And it hurts the performances somewhat, too. I'll admit
that the performances in Freddy vs. Jason were less than
Oscar worthy, but still. Give a guy a break. Is it so wrong to
want unedited violence and profanity on prime time TV? Daytime
soap operas say pretty much everything but the seven dirty words,
but a slasher movie can't? I'm calling shenanigans on this crap.
I guess the moral of the
story is that I should either suck it up and get over it, or quit
watching movies that have been edited for television. One of the
two.
Wednesday,
March 15, 2006; 6:05 p.m.
Okay, I've finished up that
little side-project. After a conversation with Libby the other
day, and remembering a thread with a similar topic posted some
time ago at a message board I hang out at on occasion, I decided
to put together a list of actors that I would choose to play in
movie versions of the Resident Evil games. None of that
non-canon Milla Jovovich stuff, but movies that are more faithful
to their source material. I did the six main chapters of the
storyline, and left out any characters that are too minor to
deserve any real attention. Some unknown actor can play those
guys. But enough jibber-jabber, let's get to the lists.
Resident Evil Zero:
- Leelee Sobieski as
"Rebecca Chambers"
- Mark Wahlberg as
"Billy Coen"
- James Marsters as
"young James Marcus"
- Robert Englund as
"old James Marcus"
- Kiefer Sutherland as
"William Birkin"
- Christian Bale as
"Albert Wesker"
- Danny Trejo as
"Enrico Marini"
Resident Evil:
- Kate Beckinsale as
"Jill Valentine"
- Ben Affleck as
"Chris Redfield"
- Kane Hodder as
"Barry Burton"
- Leelee Sobieski as
"Rebecca Chambers"
- Christian Bale as
"Albert Wesker"
- Danny Trejo as
"Enrico Marini"
- Steve Zahn as
"Brad Vickers"
Resident Evil 2:
- Paul Walker as
"Leon S. Kennedy"
- Gina Philips as
"Claire Redfield"
- Kelly Hu as "Ada
Wong"
- Dakota Fanning as
"Sherry Birkin"
- Kiefer Sutherland as
"William Birkin"
- Clea DuVall as
"Annette Birkin"
- M.C. Gainey as
"Brian Irons"
- Steve Buscemi as
"Ben Bertolucci"
Resident Evil 3:
Nemesis:
- Kate Beckinsale as
"Jill Valentine"
- Antonio Banderas as
"Carlos Oliviera"
- Henry Rollins as
"Mikhail Victor"
- Brian Cox as
"Nicholai Ginovaef"
- Steve Zahn as
"Brad Vickers"
Resident Evil: Code
Veronica:
- Gina Philips as
"Claire Redfield"
- Ben Affleck as
"Chris Redfield"
- Christian Bale as
"Albert Wesker"
- Bridgette
Wilson-Sampras as "Alexia Ashford"
- Jude Law as
"Alfred Ashford"
- Leonardo DiCaprio as
"Steve Burnside"
- George Lopez as
"Rodrigo Juan Raval"
Resident Evil 4:
- Paul Walker as
"Leon S. Kennedy"
- Elisha Cuthbert as
"Ashley Graham"
- Kelly Hu as "Ada
Wong"
- Galen Garing as
"Luis Sera"
- Chris Sarandon as
"Osmund Saddler"
- Michael J. Anderson as
"Ramon Salazar"
- Glen "Kane"
Jacobs as "Bitores Mendez"
- Brock Lesnar as
"Jack Krauser"
- Christian Bale as
"Albert Wesker"
So that's that. Any
comments, complaints, questions, and the like can be sent to the
usual places. So now that that's out of the way, I have plenty of
room to work on my next projects: those reviews I mentioned on
Friday. I'm aiming to keep the names of those reviews a surprise
until I get them posted, so start the guessing games now. Or
don't start the guessing games, what do I care.
Wednesday,
March 15, 2006; 3:30 a.m.
In addition to the three
reviews I mentioned last week, I've got another little
side-project I'm putting some effort into. Some of you already
know what it is (I'm looking at you, Libby), but I'm keeping it
under wraps for the most part until I can get everything in
order. You may or may not find the project a little lame or
silly, and it probably is, but I'm having fun putting it
together. And if it's not fun, we here at The Matt Sutton
Experience don't have much use for it. There's some tiny little
details that I need to work out, but I'm almost done. But those
tiny little details are gonna bug me to death until I get them
taken care of, I just know it. I don't know when I'll get them
figured out, so there's no set target date for the project. So
don't let the suspense kill you, okay?
And if you were wondering
how my viewing of the original Hills Have Eyes fared,
I'll gladly tell you. It's not bad at all, to be honest. Yeah,
it's rough around the edges and the acting isn't all that great,
but that's what makes low-budget horror movies from the '70s so
charming. It's totally worth your time if you like movies from
that era, so I give it a most definite recommendation. I'll
probably do a review of it sometime within the next few months,
whenever the DVD of the remake comes out. Just so I can do them
both at the same time, you know?
That's all the news that's
fit to print for now. So until next time, faithful readers,
excelsior.
Sunday, March
12, 2006; 9:07 p.m.
Caught another showing of The
Hills Have Eyes, and I stand by my mini-review from the
other day. It's just as scary the second time around as it was
the first time. So if you've been thinking of seeing it, I
recommend doing so. I also picked up the DVD of the original Hills
Have Eyes after the movie, but I haven't had a chance to
watch it yet. Like I said earlier, I've seen bits and pieces of
it in the past, but haven't seen it from start to finish all the
way through before. I've heard good things though, so I'm looking
forward to it. I'll probably end up watching it later tonight,
after I wrap up an episode or two of Angel that I was
planning on watching sometime today. But whether I get to it
tonight or some other time, I'm definitely going to watch it
sooner or later, for sure.
Out for now.
Saturday, March
11, 2006; 1:43 a.m.
Man, today was a long day.
When all the varying things I did today is combined with the
silliness of the day, it actually reminded me of my college days.
This afternoon, I went with my buddy Mo to pick up some concert
tickets for him and someone he knows (the tickets are to see
country singer Miranda Lambert, for those of you who care), then
caught the second half of Kentucky's come-from-behind win against
Alabama in the SEC tournament. Wrapping up the day, myself, Mo,
and some people he works with stopped by the Wendy's in Bardstown
before catching the 10:00 showing of The Hills Have Eyes.
I just got home fifteen minutes ago, so it was a long night too.
For those of you wondering
how I felt about The Hills Have Eyes, I'll tell you. The
movie is very violent, very demented, and very insane. I've only
seen bits and pieces of Wes Craven's original 1977 version of The
Hills Have Eyes, but this remake is unrelentingly vicious.
If all the violence I saw made it into the R-rated theatrical
version, I'm sure that the unrated version that will no doubt be
released on DVD is even more brutal. There's two rapes (or
something very bizarre that looks a lot like it, anyway),
violence involving guns, an axe, a baseball bat, and fire,
violence committed by and against animals, and the horrifically
disfigured cannibalistic villains threating to eat a baby. Yeah,
this movie is totally classy. The movie is nothing short of
unsettling and borderline disturbing, and it's sporting a mean
streak all the way down to its black core. So in short, those of
you with weak constitutions or an aversion to depravity in horror
cinema, you might want to skip it.
However, the movie is also
convincingly acted, and the effects by KNB EFX are outstanding.
It's also brilliantly directed by French auteur Alexandre Aja,
who previously directed High Tension and makes his American feature film
debut with this movie. If any compliment can be given to The
Hills Have Eyes, it's that Aja is a masterful director, and
if the movie is a hit, it could open the door for him to become -
and this is a pretty big statement - the next Wes Craven. While
he utilizes a somewhat annoying, quickly edited "shaky
cam" format of filmmaking in one key scene, everything else
is well done. And because it is both well made and outright
freaky, I'll give The Hills Have Eyes three and
a half stars, pushing towards four.
And that's pretty much all
I have for now. Out.
Friday, March
10, 2006; 11:44 a.m.
Okay, so I've been meaning
to post, but I just can't think of anything to talk about. But I
want to post, and by God, I'm gonna think of something wacky!
I was going through my DVD
collection recently, and there are so many I haven't watched in
the longest time. There's a handful I haven't watched since I
bought them, believe it or not. I should get around to dusting
them off sometime. I mean, they're not doing me any real good
sitting there, are they?
You know what sucks about
being a night owl? There's hardly anything good on TV at 4:00 in
the morning. Maybe that's where delving into my DVD collection
will come in handy.
Am I the only one who's
seen that Juicy Fruit commercial with the giant ant? I hate bugs
as it is, and that commercial doesn't help me out at all.
I've been trying to get
into Degrassi: The Next Generation lately, but I'm
finding it rather hard to follow along. It doesn't help that I'm
jumping in when the show is already into its fourth or fifth
season. But what else bothers me is that most of the episodes
I've seen lately seem to be reruns. There's been a few episodes
that I've seen more than once (or twice). Really, there's only so
many times I can see the bipolar kid trash a hotel room and beat
up his dad, the skinny blonde girl get gonnorhea because of her
newfound promiscuity, or the Hispanic girl doing her own version
of Girls Gone Wild before I start to lose interest.
Going back to my fear of
bugs for a moment, I've been playing some Resident Evil 3
lately, and there's a section I just can't bring myself to make
it through. Why? There's at least two or three giant man-sized
spiders hanging from the walls of this one room, and I absolutely
loathe spiders. Even the video game kind, I hate. Ugh, why must Resident
Evil torture me so? I thought we were friends, Capcom. What
happened to us?
And continuing on the topic
of survival horror games, do you know what movie would make a
good survival horror game? 28 Days Later. I know the
movie is three years old, but age didn't stop anyone from making
games based on Scarface or The Godfather. If
they did it in the style of a Resident Evil game, it
could be the coolest game ever. And it just struck me that a Shaun
of the Dead game would be really cool too. They could make
it like a Grand Theft Auto game, where you run around
the streets of London bashing zombies with a cricket bat, or
throwing vinyl records at them like Frisbees. Though knowing my
luck, they'd only make 28 Days Later and Shaun of
the Dead games for only the PlayStation and Xbox and I'd
have to miss out, because I'm the only person on Earth that owns
Nintendo consoles and nothing else.
For those of you interested
(and those of you still following along after all of my
babbling), I have two or three new movies I plan on reviewing if
everything turns out okay. And by "okay," I mean
"if Netflix sends them to me on schedule." I don't want
to name the movies I plan on writing yet, but I'll be working on
a theme. And with luck, they'll be up sometime early next month.
Looking over my DVD collection, I see a few movies that I'd like
to review, but I just have to find the motivation. But they're
not gonna review themselves, are they?
And that's all I've got for
now. I'll probably have something else to say later, I'm not
sure. Sutton out.
Tuesday, March
7, 2006; 12:18 a.m.
This is awesome.
- Best Picture:
Crash
- Best Actor:
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
- Best Actress:
Reese Witherspoon, Walk The Line
- Best
Supporting Actor: George Clooney, Syriana
- Best
Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz, The
Constant Gardener
- Best Director:
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
- Best Animated
Feature Film: Wallace & Gromit: The
Curse of the Were-Rabbit
- Best Music
(score): Gustavo Santaolalla, Brokeback
Mountain
- Best Music
(song): "It's Hard Out Here For A
Pimp" from Hustle & Flow
- Best
Screenplay (adapted): Brokeback Mountain,
written by Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana
- Best
Screenplay (original): Crash, written
by Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco
King Kong did win
three awards for sound design and visual effects, but who cares
about all of that technical stuff? And what was supposed to be
the year of the gay cowboy turned out to be just a bunch of hype.
But there's your winners,
like 'em or not.
- Worst Picture:
Dirty Love
- Worst Actor:
Rob Schneider, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
- Worst Actress:
Jenny McCarthy, Dirty Love
- Worst
Supporting Actor: Hayden Christensen, Star
Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Worst
Supporting Actress: Paris Hilton, House of
Wax
- Worst
Director: John Mallory Asher, Dirty Love
- Worst
Screenplay: Dirty Love, written by
Jenny McCarthy
- Worst
On-Screen Couple: Will Ferrell and Nicole
Kidman, Bewitched
- Worst Remake
or Sequel: Son of the Mask
- Most Tiresome
Tabloid Target: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Oprah
Winfrey's couch, the Eiffel Tower, and "Tom's
baby"
You'd figure the people
running the movie theaters around here would know me by name. I
went to see Harrison Ford's new movie Firewall tonight,
and it's really really good. Ford is awesome as always, and Paul
Bettany is a great villain. Bettany is rumored to be the leading
candidate for the Joker role in the Batman Begins
sequel, and if he gets the role, I think he'd be a good decision.
I'm still pulling for Crispin Glover as Joker, but I'm not a
Hollywood casting director, so what do I know. Anyway, Firewall
is a well-made, well-acted movie, and I'm going to give it a
solid four stars.
And that's all I've got for
now. Sutton out.
Just got home from a
showing of Final Destination 3. The deaths are a lot
more shocking and surprising, and the use of a couple of songs
really makes the movie just as much a dark comedy as it is a
horror movie. And as a fan of the first two Final Destination
movies, I thought part three was my favorite of the trilogy.
My quick judgment call is that somewhere between three and a half
and four stars, so I'll give it 3.75 stars and a
definite thumbs-up. Check it out.
Friday,
February 10, 2006; 4:07 a.m.
I hope everyone enjoyed my
last review, because I have a new one for you to check out. The
new S@TM addition is Doom, starring "Worst Actor"
Razzie nominee The Rock. So check out the review, will you?
If things work well, I
should have another review up in a week or two, but I can't be
for certain. But in any event, enjoy the Doom review,
and I'll see you next time. Sutton out.
After getting it via
Netflix and recieving an offhanded request from Libby, I've got
my first review of February up at Sutton At The Movies. The new
review is for Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. Read and enjoy.
Another episode of Smallville,
and another post featuring my Smallville thoughts. Read
up, ok?
- Aw, Clark gets his
dad's watch. Five bucks says he trades it to Jor-El next
time he needs help after screwing up his relationship
with Lana.
- So is this masked
female superhero supposed to be Smallville's
answer to Batman? Color me unimpressed. I'd rather have
Bruce Wayne kicking the crap out of muggers in seedy
alleyways, thank you.
- Lex is stalkeriffic!
- Five bucks says
"the Angel of Vengeance" would show up in the
comics if she weren't such a total ripoff of Batman.
- Clark Kent,
Super-mugger.
- Whoa, I go and call
her a Batman ripoff, and they play a little of the Danny
Elfman Batman '89 theme song when that Angel of
Vengeance gets unmasked.
- Evil Lex and Evil
Lionel butting heads, huh? There's almost too much evil
going on for one show!
- "You don't know
what it's like trading someone's life for yours."
Did she not see last week's episode?
- Holy crap, she is
a Batman ripoff. Her mother got killed by a mugger, so
she became a superhero. I like Batman and all, but does
that whole "Bat-Embargo" thing mean he isn't
allowed on Smallville? Because that just plain
sucks if it does.
- "He feels really
guilty about the watch." He should feel guilty for
inadvertently killing his father instead.
- "Do you always
change in a phone booth?" Hahaha.
- All that product
placement for a bat reference?
- "He deserves to
die"? Batman ain't a killer, honey. That's the
Punisher's job. Wait, so now she gets to rip off Punisher
too.
- Wow, there's a
bombshell. Lionel put out a hit on Batgirl's mom. I take
back the Batman cracks, sounds like she's 100%
Punisher-ette.
- Lionel calling Clark
"son" after being used as a representative of
Jor-El is just kinda... odd, I think is the word.
- Martha gets to replace
Bo Kent as a state senator? So does that mean, say, Laura
Bush could become President should something happen to
George, or is this just weird TV logic?
- Not only is Lex
stalkeriffic, but Lionel is too. Like father, like son, I
guess.
- Another reference to
Clark's future? They've been making a lot of those
lately.
- And then they call him
"the man of steel." Too... much...
foreshadowing.
- Aw, what a nice way to
send John Schneider out. (If you weren't watching, the
episode concluded with Martha watching an old home movie
of him and and young Clark on a tractor, with Jonathan
waving at the camera and saying "goodbye.")
So that's all for this
week's "Sutton Watches Smallville." I'm off to
watch My Name Is Earl, so I'll be around same
Super-time, same Super-blog.
The nominations for both
the Acadamy Awards and the Golden Raspberry Awards have been
announced, and since it's become a trend here at the Matt Sutton
Experience, I'm gonna post those nominations for you, my faithful
readers, to check them out.
First, the Oscars...
Best Picture:
- Brokeback Mountain
- Capote
- Crash
- Good Night, And
Good Luck
- Munich
Best Actor:
- Philip Seymour
Hoffman, Capote
- Terrence Howard, Hustle
& Flow
- Heath Ledger, Brokeback
Mountain
- Joaquin Phoenix, Walk
The Line
- David Strathairn, Good
Night, And Good Luck
Best Actress:
- Judi Dench, Mrs.
Henderson Presents
- Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
- Keira Knightley, Pride
& Prejudice
- Charlize Theron, North
Country
- Reese Witherspoon, Walk
The Line
Best Supporting
Actor:
- George Clooney, Syriana
- Matt Dillon, Crash
- Paul Giamatti, Cinderella
Man
- Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback
Mountain
- William Hurt, A
History of Violence
Best Supporting
Actress:
- Amy Adams, Junebug
- Catherine Keener, Capote
- Frances McDormand, North
Country
- Rachel Weisz, The
Constant Gardener
- Michelle Williams, Brokeback
Mountain
Best Director:
- George Clooney, Good
Night, And Good Luck
- Paul Haggis, Crash
- Ang Lee, Brokeback
Mountain
- Bennett Miller, Capote
- Steven Spielberg, Munich
Best Animated
Feature Film:
- Howl's Moving
Castle
- Tim Burton's
Corpse Bride
- Wallace &
Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Best Music (score):
- Alberto Iglesias, The
Constant Gardener
- Dario Marianelli, Pride
& Prejudice
- Gustavo Santaolalla, Brokeback
Mountain
- John Williams, Memoirs
of a Geisha
- John Williams, Munich
Best Music (song):
- Crash:
"In The Deep" by Kathleen "Bird" York
- Hustle & Flow:
"It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" Terrence Howard
and Taraji P. Henson
- Transamerica:
"Travelin' Thru" by Dolly Parton
Best Screenplay
(adapted):
- Brokeback Mountain
- written by
Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana
- Capote
- The Constant
Gardener
- A History of
Violence
- Munich
- written by
Tony Kushner & Eric Roth
Best Screenplay
(original):
- Crash
- screenplay by
Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco
- story by Paul
Haggis
- Good Night, And
Good Luck
- written by
George Clooney and Grant Heslov
- Match Point
- The Squid and the
Whale
There's a bunch of other
awards in there that nobody cares about, like costume design and
editing and crap like that. If you want to know those nominees,
go to the Academy Awards website. And now, the Razzie nominations...
Worst Picture:
- Deuce Bigalow:
European Gigolo
- Dirty Love
- The Dukes of
Hazzard
- House of Wax
- Son of the Mask
Worst Actor:
- Tom Cruise, War of
the Worlds
- Will Ferrell, Bewitched
and Kicking & Screaming
- Jamie Kennedy, Son
of the Mask
- The Rock, Doom
- Rob Schneider, Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo
Worst Actress:
- Jessica Alba, Fantastic
Four and Into The Blue
- Hilary Duff, The
Perfect Man and Cheaper By The Dozen 2
- Jennifer Lopez, Monster
In Law
- Jenny McCarthy, Dirty
Love
- Tara Reid, Alone
In The Dark
Worst Supporting
Actor:
- Hayden Christensen, Star
Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Alan Cumming, Son
of the Mask
- Bob Hoskins, Son
of the Mask
- Eugene Levy, The
Man and Cheaper By The Dozen 2
- Burt Reynolds, The
Longest Yard and The Dukes of Hazzard
Worst Supporting
Actress:
- Carmen Electra, Dirty
Love
- Paris Hilton, House
of Wax
- Katie Holmes, Batman
Begins
- Ashlee Simpson, Undiscovered
- Jessica Simpson, The
Dukes of Hazzard
Worst Director:
- John Mallory Asher, Dirty
Love
- Uwe Boll, Alone In
The Dark
- Jay Chandrasekhar, The
Dukes of Hazzard
- Nora Ephron, Bewitched
- Lawrence Gutterman, Son
of the Mask
Worst On-Screen
Couple:
- Will Ferrell and
Nicole Kidman, Bewitched
- Jamie Kennedy and
anyone stuck sharing the screen with him, Son of the
Mask
- Jenny McCarthy and
anyone dumb enough to befriend or date her, Dirty
Love
- Rob Schneider and his
diapers, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
- Jessica Simpson and
her "Daisy Dukes," The Dukes of Hazzard
Worst Remake or
Sequel:
- Bewitched
- Deuce Bigalow:
European Gigolo
- The Dukes of
Hazzard
- House of Wax
- Son of the Mask
Worst Screenplay:
- Bewitched
- written by
Nora Ephron, Delia Ephron, and Adam McKay
- Deuce Bigalow:
European Gigolo
- written by Rob
Schneider, David Garrett, and Jason Ward
- Dirty Love
- written by
Jenny McCarthy
- The Dukes of
Hazzard
- Son of the Mask
Most Tiresome
Tabloid Target:
- Tom Cruise and his
anti-psychiatry rant
- Tom Cruise, Katie
Holmes, Oprah Winfrey's couch, the Eiffel Tower, and
"Tom's baby"
- Paris Hilton and...
whoever
- Mr. & Mrs.
Britney, their baby, and their camcorder
- The Simpsons: Ashlee,
Jessica, and Nick
So there you are. The
results will be announced in March, so check back here (or your
favorite news website) then. And am I the only one who hasn't
seen (or even heard of) 99.9% of the movies nominated? Most of
them played nowhere near here, and there's no way I'm fighting
Louisville traffic to see a movie about gay cowboys that can't
quit one another. I've also noticed that comedies always get the
shaft at the Oscars too. Why the hate, Oscar? Does a movie have
to be hoity-toity pretentious crap to get your attention? Is that
how you roll, Oscar? And why the snubbing of King Kong?
Just because it's way too long and gets kinda boring in the
middle doesn't mean it's any less good than movies nobody has
seen like Crash or Good Night, And Good Luck.
Stupid spiteful Oscar.
So as mentioned earlier,
here I am with my thoughts on tonight's episode of Smallville.
I'm watching the episode as I type this, so that should answer
any questions you may have.
- It's about freaking
time Clark told Lana his secret. She looks like she's
taking the news well. I mean, in a town like Smallville,
with all the Kryptonite-created mutants running around,
the idea of your boyfriend being an alien with superhuman
powers probably won't be all that shocking after all. But
I bet she half-expected aliens to look like E.T. or
something from Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
- Aw, Clark made a
diamond ring out of a lump of coal. How saccharine.
- Clark needs to go buy
some new clothes. Yeah, Superman wears red and blue, I
get it.
- Hah, Lois made a Crying
Game reference. And then Chloe goes and makes a
"out of the closet" reference. Geez, I thought
Batman and Robin were the ones that got all the gay
jokes.
- Aw, poor unloved
Chloe. Clark stabs her in the heart again with that
"I proposed to Lana" bombshell. When, Lord,
when? When's it gonna be Chloe's time?!
- Yay, Clark and Lana
are getting married. Until they break up, and Clark moves
to Metropolis and hooks up with Lois.
- Way to go, Bo.
Congratulations on the Senate win. Too bad you're gonna
die.
- Along with Clark's
confession, it's also about time we got Evil Lex. Michael
Rosenbaum is the best part of the show, and him being
evil (even if it's drunk and angry) could make it better.
- Loeb Bridge? Awfully
nice for the writers to name something after Jeph Loeb
like that.
- Oh snap! Lana just got
ran over by a school bus! And Lex sees Clark's
super-speed too. Wow. Lana looks like she got cut up
something good too. So much for the whole pretty
perfection that is Lana Lang.
- "If I hadn't told
her the truth, she'd still be alive!" See, Clark?
It's all your fault she's dead. You said it yourself. I
hope you're happy, Super-goon.
- And now he goes back
to the beginning of the episode thanks to grabbing a
crystal in the Fortress? Is it just me, or would it have
been cooler if he'd made Earth spin backwards like in the
first Superman movie?
- Clark, you jerk.
Haven't you learned anything? Lying to Lana accomplishes
nothing. Then again, telling her the truth got her
smooshed by a bus, so what do I know.
- Hah, Chloe totally
made a reference to spinning the world backwards. Just as
soon as I make a joke about it, they do too. Get out of
my head, Smallville!
- You know, thinking
about it, if they did an entire episode set up like Groundhog
Day, it'd be awesome. Maybe they coul expand on this
episode and do a cross between Groundhog Day and
Final Destination. Where instead of killing
himself over and over like Bill Murray, he could try to
keep trying to stop Lana from dying, and she keeps dying
in different ways.
- Great, and now Lois is
dead. I'd been hoping that they'd have Chloe use Lois's
name as a pseudonym or somesuch, so Clark could shack up
with her while still being with Lois Lane. And now maybe
it could come true?
- There is something so
wrong about Lex kissing Lana.
- Ah, fate. There's just
no getting around it.
- Aw, Lois is alive
after all. There goes my "Chloe is the Lois that
Clark loves" thoery. And Clark stops the bus from
squashing Lana, too. Poor Chloe will never find love.
- Oh snap, I think
Lionel knows Clark isn't human.
- And now, Bo Kent's
dead. Way to go, Clark. Thanks to your selfishness
regarding Lana, you condemned your father to death. I
hope killing your father was fun, Super-jerk. I hope
someone drops a great big bomb full of Kryptonite on your
house.
What a depressing,
upsetting episode. They went back on the whole "Lana learns
Clark's secret" promise (wasting five years of buildup in
the process) and they killed one of my favorite characters, and
it's all Clark's fault. I hope that next week's episode, he
realizes that. Because it is.
Not much is going on in la
tierra de Sutton, so I don't really have a lot to talk about. But
I do, dear readers, have a new review for you to read. The review
is George Romero's fourth zombie movie, Land of the Dead. And with that, it puts me at five
new reviews this month. That's what I like to call
"progress," folks.
I might be back later with Smallville
thoughts. Tonight is the big 100th episode, and a major character
is gonna die. So anyway, that's all for now. Check out the
review, and thanks for reading.
Another weekend, another
trip to the cineplex. I caught the 10:00 showing of Underworld:
Evolution tonight, and considering I haven't seen the
original Underworld yet, I didn't really understand the
majority of the plot. There were a heavy amount of references to
the events of the first movie, so if you go into the sequel
without seeing it, you're probably going to be as confused as I
was. From what I could discern, the heroine (as portrayed by the
ever-lovely Kate Beckinsale) has teamed up with a heroic
half-vampire/half-werewolf hybrid to stop a powerful vampiric
villain from using his equally powerful werewolf brother to
create an army of evil werevamp hybrids. Or something like that,
I don't know for sure.
In any event, since I had
no clue what was going on with the plot, I spent most of my time
enjoying the action. And oh boy, is there action. Broken necks,
jaws (and heads) ripped off, a brawl in the back of a moving
truck, monsters getting thrown into whirring helicopter blades,
and lots and lots of gunfire. And because I enjoyed myself
watching it, I'll give Underworld: Evolution three
and a half stars. I might promote it to four once I see
the first Underworld, but that's the rating I'm going
with now.
I was also quite intrigued
by the trailers in front of Underworld: Evolution. The
trailer for the remake of When A Stranger Calls makes no
sense to me, because they give away the big twist right there in
the trailer. Does that make any sense to anybody else? And then
there was the trailer for Silent Hill, the cinematic
adaptation of the video game. I haven't played any of the games,
but the movie looks absolutely terrifying, so I'll definitely be
in line to see it. After that, there was the trailer for X-Men
3, and I'm looking forward to that one as well. Sure, there
might be 3000 people in the cast, but if War & Peace
can manage, so can X-Men 3. And wrapping up the trailers
was one for a new movie starring Milla Jovovich, titled Ultraviolet.
Oh man, Ultraviolet looks like a big sweaty pile of
monkey poop. It just doesn't look good at all.
Speaking of monkey poop,
I'm currently watching King Kong Lives (the sequel to
the 1976 remake) on television. I've seen better "man in a
suit" effects in even the worst Godzilla movies. You'd
figure that by 1986, they could have made some advancements in
makeup design. I mean, if George Lucas can make Chewbacca look
believable, then some genius could have slapped together a better
King Kong outfit. The movie is so horrible, it's almost
offensive. I want to punch this movie in its face.
And that's the end of this
story. Sutton out.
There's not a whole lot
going on to talk about, but I do have a new review for you to
read. It's last year's underappreciated ghost story Dark Water, and I hope you enjoy it.
Out.
Thanks to the wonder that
is Netflix, I finally got around to seeing the director's cut of Donnie
Darko today. I haven't seen the original theatrical cut, but
if it's anything like the director's cut, then it's one trippy
movie. Ever see one of those movies where you know you're
watching a good movie, despite having no clue what was happening
at any given time? That's what Donnie Darko was to me.
It's kinda hard to follow the first (and even second) time
through, but things all start to make a modicum of sense after
repeated viewings. But don't get me wrong, it's a very
well-directed, well-acted movie. Jake Gyllenhaal is awesome, and
if there's any reason to watch Donnie Darko at all, it's
for his performance. My only real complaint with the cast is that
neither Drew Barrymore nor her character really seem like they
belong in the movie. I'm not going to imply that she stuck
herself in the movie with her power as executive producer (she totally
didn't do that with the Charlie's Angels
movies, either), but the character doesn't really contribute much
of anything, outside of giving director Richard Kelly a reason to
stick clips of Watership Down in the movie. But in any
regard, Donnie Darko is one of those movies that you'll
probably like if you enjoy movies that mess with your head. And
because it still managed to be entertaining in spite of being
totally confusing, I'll give it four stars. It's
not a bad movie at all, it's just... well... different.
And that's all I've got for
now. Sutton out.
Friday, January
13, 2006; 11:59 p.m.
I hope everyone had a happy
Friday the 13th, because I know I did.
Continuing on a theme, I
took in another film tonight, this time being Glory Road.
The story of the Texas Western basketball team that started five
black players against the all-white Kentucky team in the 1966
NCAA championship game, the movie is essentially the result of
changing Remember The Titans from a football movie to a
basketball movie. As can be expected, there are a number of
historical inaccuracies, but the majority of them can be excused
for the sake of drama. Josh Lucas, who plays coach Don Haskins,
is good, and the rest of the cast (made up of people I've never
heard of, with the exceptions of former Smallville
co-star Sam Jones as one of Texas Western's players, Tatyana Ali
from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as a player's
girlfriend, and Jon Voight as Kentucky coach Adolph Rupp) is
entertaining. I did like the movie and thought it was
entertaining, so I'll give it four stars. Good
enough for me.
First off, I want to send
out a big hello to a new reader of the blog, my good friend
Jenny. Hi, Jenny!
Caught both Hostel
(again) and The Ringer tonight. You can scroll down for
my thoughts about Hostel, so I'll talk about The
Ringer. It kinda fell off the radar a few weeks ago since it
wasn't all that successful, but there are quite a few moments
that I thought were absolutely hysterical. There was one scene
that had me fighting for breath because I was laughing so hard,
and a particular line of dialogue that myself and my ragtag group
of friends continued to quote for the rest of the night
("wait, when the F did we get ice cream?!"). Three
and a half stars for The Ringer.
Finally, after over 18
hours of total gameplay, I finally defeated Resident Evil 4.
And I'm quite happy with the final result, too. Hooray for me. :)
And that's all for now.
Sutton out.
Tuesday,
January 10, 2006; 9:32 p.m.
Made a wee bit of progress
on Resident Evil 4 today. Got past the bulldozer
section, only to end up getting into a knife fight, then having
to dodge lasers right out of the first Resident Evil
movie. The lasers were cool, but that knife fight has to be my
favorite part of the game so far. It's just too awesome.
In between rounds of Resident
Evil 4, I've been watching a few episodes of the first
season of Angel (via the box set I got for $20 at
Wal-Mart after Christmas). I've only watched four episodes, but
they were all good ones. I love the Spike episode, but what
really got me were those two Faith episodes at the end of the
season are doozys. Now that Joss Whedon isn't doing anything but
movies based on Firefly and that Tru Calling
has been cancelled, maybe Whedon and Eliza Dushku could get
together and do Faith, The Vampire Slayer. I'd watch
that show every week.
And that's all I've got.
Sutton out.
So I just got back from
seeing Hostel, and, well, it's different.
I think it's fitting that
Takashi Miike has a cameo in the movie, because Hostel
owes a lot to Miike's Audition in terms of style and
storytelling. Yeah, there's no middle-aged Japanese man looking
for a new wife in Hostel, but both films involve someone
falling deeper and deeper into a world they eventually regret
getting involved with. Though while Audition gives the
appearance of a romance movie in its early going, Hostel
comes across as a teen sex comedy. Honestly, until the movie
finally hits its groove, the movie's kinda boring. The three lead
characters are flat and one-dimensional, existing only to move
from one sexual conquest to another. But hey, they can't all be
winners. Once things all go to Hell towards the end of the movie,
however, things definitely tend to pick up. While I've seen
movies that are far more violent (The Passion of the Christ,
for example), Hostel is still most certainly violent and
disturbing. There are quite a few moments where I was actually
covering my eyes, believe it or not. The performances from the
cast are unmemorable, but Eli Roth's outstanding direction and
the movie's wild finale make up for it, so I'll give Hostel
three and a half stars. Not bad, if you can
handle violent movies.
I've also concluded that
I've grown numb to on-screen nudity in films. The first half of Hostel
has so much nudity that I could have sworn the projectionist had
started rolling a porno film instead. After a while, I just
wanted to throw up my hands and say, "Okay, I think I've
finally seen all the naked women I need to see." Thanks a
lot, Eli Roth. Jerk.
In other news, I've finally
made some headway in Resident Evil 4. I made it past
those Thwompy things, past two 15-foot-tall trolls, past the
creepy little midget that turns into a nasty giant tentacle
monster, and past two nasty buggers called the Regenerator and
the Iron Maiden, but now I'm stuck again. I'm on this bulldozer
tearing my way to freedom, but thanks to a rediculously low
amount of decent ammo and a general lack of knowledge in what I'm
doing, I keep getting ran over by a giant flaming truck. But I'm
gonna figure it out. I always do.
And that, my friends, is
all I've got for now. Out.
A new post, a new review.
This time, it's May, a movie that you may or may not
have heard of. But check out the review, then go rent the movie.
Or rent the movie, then check out the review. Either way works.
Resident Evil 4
has really been kicking my butt lately. I'm somewhere around the
middle of the game, stuck in a cave full of giant mosquitos that spit acid. They're bad enough
when there's only two or three of them and they're invisible, but
when there's a giant pack of them in a narrow cave, they're a
pain in the neck. And then when I finally get past the giant
bugs, I end up getting squashed by one of those huge Thwomp
things from the Super Mario Brothers games. You know
what I'm talking about? Yeah, those things. I hate those things.
I'll make it past them one of these days, however. You better
believe I'll persevere. And I still have to get around to playing
Resident Evil 3 too! That's next on my agenda of video
games to conquer.
And that's all the news fit
to print. Sutton out.
Sunday, January
1, 2006; 11:13 p.m.
After reading Libby's list
of her personal top five movies for 2005, I had the idea to
reprise something I did at the end of 2004. So I hope you - yes,
you - are ready for the second annual "Sutton At The
Movies" Achievement Awards. These are pretty much random
awards that I hand out to the cinematic adventures I took in
2005. If you think a movie should have been represented here,
either I thought something else was better, or I just didn't see
it.
- Best Movie:
Sin City
- Best Actor:
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk The Line
- Best Actress:
Naomi Watts, King Kong/Reese Witherspoon, Walk
The Line (tie)
- Best
Supporting Actor: Jack Black, King Kong
- Best
Supporting Actress: Jennifer Carpenter, The
Exorcism of Emily Rose
- Best Director:
Steven Spielberg, War of the Worlds
- Best Horror
Movie: The Exorcism of Emily Rose
- Best Movie
Based on a True Story: Walk The Line
- Best Comic
Book Movie: Batman Begins and Sin
City (tie)
- Best
Soundtrack: The Devil's Rejects
- Coolest
Concept: White Noise
- Best Villain:
Tobin Bell, Saw II
- Best On-Screen
Team: Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, and Sheri Moon
Zombie from The Devil's Rejects
- Worst Movie:
Fun With Dick & Jane
Just for saying's sake, I'd
have given High Tension the Best Horror Movie award, but
since it was technically first released in 2003, I decided it'd
be ineligible. Sue me. But those are the awards, like them or
not.
Sutton out.
Sunday, January
1, 2006; 1:01 p.m.
Welcome to 2006, and to
celebrate, I've got a new review for Sutton At The Movies. The
new review, up for your reading pleasure, is the movie adaptation
of The Dukes of Hazzard. Check it out, won't you?
Sutton out.
Sunday, January
1, 2006; 12:00 a.m.
Happy freaking New Year!
I figure now is as good a
time as any to unveil what I refer to as my "New
Hotness." I've decided to make the move over to Blogger, and
you can get there at this link. My Tripod blog will still stay
open, because it still hosts Sutton At The Movies. Plus I've
had it since 2001, so there's a little sentimental
value. You don't really have to update your
links and bookmarks if you don't want to, but the New Hotness is
going to be the primary home for the Matt Sutton Experience. So
check it out, if you will.
Anyway, that's enough of
that. While I'm here, I'd like to thank the following sponsors
for their continued support:
Dynamite
Kudo, the Furious Five, and all those at F.O.E.T.
The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense
Wolfram & Hart, Attorneys At Law
Angel Investigations
Wayne Enterprises
Xavier's School For The Gifted
Dingoes Ate My Baby
Wyld Stallyns
The Boar's Nest
Project Mayhem
The Deadly Viper Assassination Squad
Once again, Happy New Year.
Sutton out.
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